Interviewing the Beatles
by Good old fashioned lover girl
Summary: Fictional interviews of the Beatles, filled with humor and sarcasm. Everything slashy is joking. Set around 1964-65.
1. Four lads that love each other

_**A/N I have read and watched tons of Beatles interview and I love their humor and sarcasm, so I thought about writing my own FICTIONAL INTERVIEW with the Beatles. This is set in about 1964.**_

_**NO SLASH. Everything slashy here is totally fictional.**_

INTERVIEWER: In this edition of the show, we're going to interview the four boys whom everyone's talking about! Here we are, with the breath-taking, awesome, stunning, and super talented…

GEORGE: BEATLES!

JOHN: That's us y'know. Just in case you live under a rock and don't recognize us.

INTERVIEWER: So, let's start out easy. Complete the line. The Beatles are…

GEORGE: …Really tired and need some sleep.

PAUL: …Brilliant.

JOHN: …The reason why I can hear many girls screaming.

RINGO: …Four lads that love each other.

GEORGE: Awww, that's cute, Ritchie.

INTERVIEWER: How would you define that love?

PAUL: It's simple. We love each other and would do anything for one another.

INTERVIEWER: Anything?

GEORGE: You've heard him…

JOHN: We wouldn't have had that success if there weren't the four of us. Because George is too quiet…

RINGO: George quiet? Because I heard a lot of noise coming from his room last night. No wonder why he's tired…

GEORGE: Shut up, Richard!

JOHN: As I was saying… Paul is too manipulative and…

INTERVIEWER: What do you mean by _manipulative?_

PAUL: Nothing. He's just a twat.

JOHN: Twat? Watch your language, McCartney!

RINGO: Don't fight boys…

JOHN AND PAUL: Shut up, Richard!

GEORGE: Hey, that's my line, y'know…

JOHN: Can I finish what I was going to say?

INTERVIEWER: First, I think everyone here wants to know why you think Mr. McCartney is manipulative.

JOHN: I don't think it. It's a fact. Hey, don't look at me like that, Macca!

RINGO: I think what John wants to say, it's that Paul has to have more confidence in himself.

JOHN: What are you talking 'bout, Starkey? MORE confident than he already is? No, thank you. He's cocky enough.

PAUL: Cocky? We all know who the cocky one of us is.

GEORGE: John is the cockiest and he isn't afraid of telling it to world… But I think Paul has the highest self-esteem inside. He just doesn't brag as much as John.

JOHN: I don't brag!

RINGO: You actually do…

JOHN: I thought you were by my side! You betrayed me…

RINGO: Betrayed you?

PAUL: Actually, we all brag at least a little. Even Ringo.

INTERVIEWER: I heard Mr. Lennon calling Mr. McCartney, "Macca". Is that how everyone calls him or just between you?

JOHN: First of all, quit calling us "Mr." It's annoying, really.

INTERVIEWER: Then, how should I call you?

GEORGE: We have names, y'know…

PAUL: I'm Paul!

JOHN: Really? Oh my God, I didn't know!

GEORGE: and I'm George! George Harrison.

JOHN: I'm Elvis.

PAUL: No, you're not. You're John Winston Lennon.

INTERVIEWER: Winston? I didn't know you have a middle name.

JOHN: Gee, thanks, James Paul.

INTERVIEWER: James Paul?

PAUL: He's just joking.

GEORGE: He's not.

RINGO: I can show you both of their IDs.

INTERVIEWER: You didn't actually answer my question.

RINGO: What question? Sorry, I got lost.

INTERVIEWER: About how Mr. Lennon called Mr. McCartney.

JOHN: Stop it!

INTERVIEWER: You're talking with me?

JOHN: Indeed I am. I told you to stop calling us "Mr."

INTERVIEWER: Oh. Sorry about that.

PAUL: Someone's grumpy…

JOHN: I'm not!

PAUL: You are!

JOHN: I'm not!

INTERVIEWER: Can you please answer my question now?

RINGO: Sorry, what question, again?

GEORGE: I think she wants to know about why we call Paulie, "Macca"

JOHN: We often call him like this. Macca or Paulie.

INTERVIEWER: Why?

JOHN: Oh, you know, they both sound cute and girly, and that's how Paul is.

PAUL: I'm not girly! And that's not the reason. Macca is a shorter way of saying my last name, and Paulie is just a nickname they use to joke around. Right, Johnny?

JOHN: I don't know if I can agree. What do you think, Georgie?

GEORGE: Weren't we going to talk about Paul?

INTERVIEWER: I don't know. You are just talking randomly while I try to interview you.

JOHN: But Paulie loves being called Paulie. It makes him blush.

RINGO: Just wait for it…

GEORGE: Paulie, Paulie, Paulie, Paulie, what a cutie Paulie!

RINGO: Awwww, look at him lads, he's already blushing.

JOHN: No wonder why he's called the cute Beatle.

GEORGE: Isn't he the cutest thingy on Earth?

RINGO: He is, indeed…

JOHN: So, you girls are all jealous of Jane Asher, right?

GEORGE: They have more chance with him than with you…

PAUL: Because you're married…

JOHN: Hey! Look who finally decided to talk!

PAUL: One day you're going to drive me nuts, Lennon.

JOHN: I know I drive you crazy… But sorry, I'm a married man.

RINGO: I'm sure Cyn wouldn't mind sharing John with Paul…

GEORGE: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, that's why I love you, Rings.

RINGO: Awwww, I know, right?

PAUL: Sometimes you need to learn to shut the fuck up.

JOHN: HA! Look who's talking…

INTERVIEWER: Can somebody tell me what's going on?

GEORGE: It's been a hard day's night…

RINGO: And I've been working like a dog…

PAUL: It's been a hard day's night…

JOHN: I should be sleeping like a log…

GEORGE: But when John gets home to Paul, he finds the things that he does, will make him feel alright…

JOHN: We're going to play it that way, huh, Harrison?

PAUL: You know Rings works all day to get George money to buy him food…

JOHN: And it's worth it just to hear him say, he's gonna give him everything…

RINGO: So why on Earth should John moan? 'Cause when he gets Paul alone…

PAUL: ENOUGH! You act like toddlers.

GEORGE: We?

PAUL: Yes, you!

GEORGE: I don't think so…

INTERVIEW: Can we follow the interview?

RINGO: I don't know, let's ask the cute Beatle.

JOHN: I didn't finish saying what I was telling in the beginning. George is too quiet, Paul is too manipulative, Ringo is the drummer and I…

RINGO: What do you mean by "Ringo is the drummer"?

JOHN: That you are the drummer. It's not so hard to get, mate.

GEORGE: That was pretty offensive, John.

JOHN: Awww, you're defending him… What a lovely couple…

RINGO: But not as lovely as you and Paul…

GEORGE: Hey Cyn, you should keep an eye on those two…

PAUL: Ignoring that last thing, John already talked about every one of us. Why don't you finish saying that thing about yourself?

JOHN: I'm not good-looking enough for girls.

INTERVIEWER: I'm sure all these girls here disagree.

RINGO: You talked! I forgot you were here…

PAUL: Shut up, John.

JOHN: What, I haven't talked Paulie!

PAUL: DON'T CALL ME PAULIE! Not here…

GEORGE: Just wait until you get home…

JOHN: To my wife, yeah?

INTERVIEWER: Can you please answer just a couple of questions?

PAUL: Go ahead.

INTERVIEWER: Name one of your favorite memories.

RINGO: When I was born… Ah, I remember when the doctor took me out of my mama and cut my umbilical cord…

INTERVIEWER: Ookaay… How about you, George?

PAUL: I know what's George's favorite memory! When he burned his pants AND boxers with the battery of a car in one of our school field trips!

GEORGE: They don't need to know that…

PAUL: Tell them how you had to take off all your clothes!

GEORGE: I fucking hate you.

INTERVIEWER: And did Paul have to take a look at his _thing?_

JOHN: Of course he looked, and they told me they also shared a tent that day…

RINGO: See? And then you say George and I are the ones with the secret romance… It's clearly that the queer ones here are Geo and Paul.

INTERVIEWER: Or maybe you are all queer for each other.

RINGO: Yes, you know, I'm in love with George, Paul and John at the same time.

PAUL: We're all in love with each other, yay!

GEORGE: But don't tell anyone. It's our secret, okay?

JOHN: You three are the bloody queers. I'm not.

PAUL: Come on! Admit you fancy me, John!

GEORGE: Not only you, he also fancies me, y'know…

JOHN: Sure, I fancy all of you every night. Seriously.

INTERVIEWER: I am still waiting for you to tell me your special memories.

PAUL: Oh right! When I bought my first guitar.

JOHN: But not so special like the day we met!

GEORGE: It was love at first sight.

JOHN: Now, let's get serious for once, I have to say, the day my child was born.

INTERVIEWER: Are we getting decent now?

RINGO: Sure, I think you all already had a lot of fun with us.

GEORGE: Don't take it too serious, Beatle people!

JOHN: Oh… Those Beatles and their humor and use of sarcasm…

PAUL: We promise to answer all your questions now without joking.

JOHN: That's kind of impossible anyway, but we'll try.

INTERVIEWER: Unfortunately, time is over and I couldn't even ask you the 10% of the questions I had planned.

RINGO: That'll be for the next time!

JOHN: I doubt there will be a next time, but…

PAUL: SHE LOVES YOU, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH!

INTERVIEWER: So, this is it! Bye, bye, people!

_**A/N I want to keep writing Beatle interviews! So if you have a suggestion, a question for them, something you'd like to see, or whatever, review or PM!**_

**_Thanks for reading!_**


	2. Don't forget to buy our records!

_**A/N Like I said before, this is NOT SLASH. They are not gay, they are just joking about being gay. Everything slashy is joking. This is set in 1964.**_

_**Disclaimer: I made up this interview, and I don't own the Beatles.**_

INTERVIEWER: Hello all!

RINGO: Guess what, Beatle people? The four boys you fall head over heels for are here for another interview!

PAUL: You sounded like John…

JOHN: Everyone wants to be like me, y'know…

INTERVIEWER: So, here we are with the boys that apparently don't need introduction at all…

GEORGE: THE BEATLES!

JOHN: Remember I said I doubt there would be another interview like this?

INTERVIEWER: I talked with their manager and convinced him for a second one!

PAUL: And we all obey Eppy's orders.

JOHN: I don't. I'm rebel.

INTERVIEWER: I hope you let me talk a little more this time!

JOHN: We'll try, love.

PAUL: _LOVE?_ I THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY PERSON YOU CALLED THAT WAY!

RINGO: Someone's jealous…

JOHN: I call everyone that way…

GEORGE: That's not true. You don't call Ringo and I like that.

PAUL: It was something special between us!

JOHN: It was?

RINGO: It was, John! Can't you see you're hurting the cutie pie?

GEORGE: Calling him _cutie pie _sounds so queer, Ritchie.

RINGO: And calling me _Ritchie _doesn't?

JOHN: We're a bunch of queers, Georgie, I thought that was more than settled.

INTERVIEWER: First question for the interview! Even a Beatle fears something… What are you afraid of?

JOHN: Dying without being remembered…

PAUL: Losing my arms…

RINGO: Being attacked by giant spiders…

GEORGE: People taking these interviews too seriously…

JOHN: Paul when he's jealous…

PAUL: ME?

RINGO: That's true, man… When he's jealous he stops being the _cute Beatle._

GEORGE: Come on! He's cute even when he's fucking jealousy upset!

JOHN: I never said it wasn't cute. It is just a little scary.

RINGO: …Sexy...

JOHN: WATCH IT STARKEY, PAUL IS MINE!

GEORGE: That's right, Lennon… Defend your property…

PAUL: I'm not yours anymore.

JOHN: WHAT ARE YOU SAYING, MACCA?

PAUL: I'm still angry because you called her '_love'_

INTERVIEWER: Hey! Don't look at me!

RINGO: I'm confused… The game wasn't to play we're all queer for each other?

GEORGE: Even if we're joking, John wants Paul all for himself.

INTERVIEWER: Let's continue… You're stuck in a desert island and you only get to choose one thing. What would it be?

RINGO: We're Beatles. Eppy wouldn't let us get stuck in a desert island.

JOHN: The _**fans **_wouldn't let us get stuck in a desert island.

GEORGE: The press would find us quickly. That's not a problem.

INTERVIEWER: But in that period of time where the press, Epstein and the fans don't find you, what would you pick?

PAUL: That doesn't make sense.

RINGO: Nothing in this interview makes sense…

INTERVIEWER: Can't you just answer?

JOHN: If you gave us a question that makes sense, we could.

INTERVIEWER: Not even a word you say in my interviews make sense and now you're asking for it?

GEORGE: Stop bothering her…

PAUL: She's John's '_love' _after all…

JOHN: Again, Paul? Really?

RINGO: Gee, you two fight like a married couple…

JOHN: And your question is so cliché, by the way…

GEORGE: Anyway. I would take food.

INTERVIEWER: Thank you, George.

RINGO: I would take George.

PAUL: I would take a guitar.

JOHN: And I would take another guitar and we'd probably write a song in that moment.

GEORGE: While Ringo and I play marbles.

INTERVIEWER: You like playing marbles?

RINGO: That's what we do when John and Paul lock themselves to compose. They don't let anyone else in.

GEORGE: _Compose. _That's the ONLY thing they do…

PAUL: And we do it very fast!

RINGO: Sex?

JOHN: No, perv! He's saying we WRITE very fast, which is true. We can easily have a song finished in two or three hours!

PAUL: Very successful songs like…

JOHN: _Da da da, da da dum dum da__da da da, da da dum dum da…_

PAUL: _If there's anything that you want__, __if there's anything I can do…_

JOHN: _Just call on me and I'll send it along__with love, from me to you…_

PAUL: _I've got everything that you want__like a heart that's oh so true…_

JOHN: _Just call on me and I'll send it along__with love, from me to you…_

PAUL: _I've got arms that long to hold you__and keep you by my side…_

INTERVIEWER: _I've got lips that long to kiss you__and keep you satisfied__…_

GEORGE: MOOD-KILLER!

INTERVIEWER: Don't blame me!

JOHN: That was '_From me to you', _Beatle people! So don't forget to buy the record!

RINGO: _'From John to Paul' _sounds better.

GEORGE: _'From Paul to John' _sounds even better.

RINGO: No, no, '_From Lennon to McCartney'_

GEORGE: _'From McCartney to Lennon'_

PAUL: _'From me to you'_

RINGO: To me? Awww, Paulie…

GEORGE: Beware Ringo… John might get upset if he discovers your affair with Paul…

RINGO: _Paul'll never know how much I really love him…_

GEORGE: _Paul'll never know how much Ringo cares…_

JOHN: _Listen, do you want to know a secret?_

PAUL: _Do you promise not tell?_

JOHN: _Ohh-Ohh…Closer… Let me whisper in your ear…_

PAUL: _Say the words you long to hear…_

GEORGE: _I'M IN LOVE WITH YOU!_

RINGO: I knew this was going to end with John and Paul singing to each other…

JOHN: And that was _'Do you want to know a secret'_! It is inside _'Please Please Me', _so don't forget to buy the record_, _if you haven't already!

GEORGE: I sing the song in the record.

JOHN: But I wrote it!

PAUL: With my help…

RINGO: Paul was your inspiration to write it, John?

JOHN: Actually, it was _Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. _No kidding.

INTERVIEWER: Tell us more about your inspiration to write the song, John.

JOHN: My mom would sing to me when I was a kid, _'I'm wishing', _a song that appeared in the Disney movie. The first two lines in the 1937's song says, _'Want to know a secret? Promise not to tell?', _and that's what our song says after the _'You'll never know how much I really love you. You'll never know how much I really care…'_

INTERVIEWER: That's interesting and great to know! Want to share the history behind other of your songs?

PAUL: John and I wrote _'I want to hold your hand' _in my girlfriend Jane's house, downstairs the cellar.

JOHN: We were playing the piano and we had '_Oh you-u-u, got that something…' _and then Paul this chord and I turn to him and say, '_That's it! Do that again!'_

PAUL: That chord is E minor, by the way.

JOHN: We write one on one, eyeball to eyeball, into each other noses.

INTERVIEWER: What do you prefer: touring, TV shows, making movies or recording?

GEORGE: Definitely recording.

RINGO: We enjoy doing concerts, but touring is also exhausting.

JOHN: Hearing a recording of one of your songs for the first time is marvelous.

PAUL: We're not satisfied until it sounds completely neat.

GEORGE: And Paul won't allow us to move on if he isn't satisfied with the recording.

JOHN: I've always been a record fan, and we record the songs like we were playing on stage. We sing and play the instruments at the same time.

INTERVIEWER: I'm glad you're starting to take this interview seriously!

JOHN: You're right; we're acting too serious for being Beatles.

RINGO: Anything else you would like to know?

INTERVIEWER: Fangirls requested me to ask you something, but it's a little personal…

GEORGE: Dear Lord…

INTERVIEWER: When did you lose _it?_

JOHN: Lose what? My first tooth?

PAUL: I don't remember… At six, maybe?

INTERVIEWER: You know exactly what I am talking about!

GEORGE: Bleh. In Hamburg at 17.

JOHN: I was there!

PAUL: John, Pete and I were in the same room when he did it for the first time.

INTERVIEWER: An orgy?

GEORGE: NO! I was doing my job under the covers while they were murmuring and doing their best effort for not cracking into laughter.

JOHN: Be thankful we were quiet.

RINGO: The younger Beatle was the last one to lose his virginity…

INTERVIEWER: And you didn't have shame of having sex in front of your friends? Isn't it supposed to be something private?

GEORGE: I don't know; you should ask Ringo. He lost his virginity in a public park.

RINGO: I was 16… But I wouldn't definitely do something like that now.

PAUL: You just can't. Imagine the front page of the newspapers saying _"BEATLE RINGO LOSES CONTROL AND FORNICATES IN PUBLIC PARK"_

JOHN: When we weren't famous, we could do anything we wanted without worrying about the press.

GEORGE: But we were poor. That's the bad thing.

RINGO: One time we peed out of a balcony.

PAUL: Wait for it. Tomorrow the newspapers will be full of: _"BEATLES ADMIT TO HAVE PEED OUT OF BALCONY"_

JOHN: Those shameless Beatles…

PAUL: Anyway, I had it off at 15.

INTERVIEWER: You were the earliest?

JOHN: Nope, it was me!

GEORGE: Losing your virginity at 13 makes you more a twit than anything else.

INTERVIEWER: 13? That's so young!

JOHN: In the graveyard of the Liverpool Cathedral. Then I accidentally hit my head with a rock. That was karma, I suppose.

RINGO: Losing your virginity at 13 in a GRAVEYARD is much worse than my story.

GEORGE: It is actually pretty disrespectful.

RINGO: How can they _rest in peace_ with if you fuck over them?

JOHN: They were dead and are still dead!

INTERVIEWER: A graveyard? That's just… Let's change topic, all right?

PAUL: You were the one who wanted to know…

JOHN: Be careful what for what you ask.

RINGO: Maybe she's jealous because she wanted to be that girl in the graveyard…

GEORGE: Paul is the one who wanted to be that girl.

JOHN: I didn't even know him at that time!

PAUL: When we met he was just 16.

GEORGE: _You know what I mean…_

RINGO: _And the way he looked was way beyond compare…_

GEORGE: _So how could Paul dance with another?_

JOHN: _Since he saw me standing there…_

PAUL: Very funny… No, it actually isn't.

GEORGE: It's like the third time we sing in this interview.

RINGO: Good day for you, Beatle people!

INTERVIEWER: I'm letting you choose, is there something you would like to share?

GEORGE: I'm hungry.

PAUL: Aren't you always?

JOHN: I hate him. He eats like a fucking pig without gaining any weight.

RINGO: If George ever refuses to eat or says he's not hungry, immediately take him to the nearest hospital.

JOHN: Or cal 911.

RINGO: I wonder why they call it "Nine one one" instead of "Nine hundred eleven"

GEORGE: The same reason why we say this is "nineteen sixty four" instead of "one thousand nine hundred sixty four"

PAUL: It's shorter and easier for kids to learn. They need to know the emergency number.

JOHN: Ringo's always the one saying the most random things…

GEORGE: Like when we were working and he said, _"It's been a hard day…" _and then noticed it was dark, and added, _"'s night!"_

RINGO: And that was the birth of _A Hard Day's Night!_

INTERVIEWER: Thank you for being with us tonight!

PAUL: It's over?

INTERVIEWER: Yes…

GEORGE: That means I can go to eat now?

RINGO: Yes, George…

INTERVIEWER: Bye, people! I will talk to Epstein for a possible third interview!

GEORGE: And I'll talk to Epstein for making sure that won't happen…

JOHN: Bye! And don't forget to buy our records!

_**A/N Thank you for all your reviews, alerts and favs 3**_

_**I really think the first one is better than this, what do you think?**_

_**I want to say thank you to 'ibeebrookie87' for suggesting me to make them talk about their fears. I did it!**_

_**So, if you have suggestion, fan letters to the Beatles, something you would like to see, ANYTHING; PM or review.**_

_**Also, the facts I put about their inspiration to write songs, like Snow White in 'Do you want to know a secret', the thing with the chord in Jane Asher's house with 'I want to hold your hand', what Ringo said about 'A hard day's night'... THEY ARE TRUE. The ages and places where they did it for the first time are accurate as well. When they talk about the recordings, I based about the real things they said about the recording sessions, and they also said in real life that recording was the thing they enjoyed the most.**_


	3. Waffles!

_**A/N Third interview! Thank you for your favs, alerts and reviews!**_

_** Remember that everything slashy is joking (:**_

INTERVIEWER: Your favorite boys, John, Paul George and Ringo are going to be interviewed again by me!

RINGO: Why am I always the last one they call? It's always '_JOHN! PAUL! GEORGE! ...oh, and Ringo…'_

JOHN: Maybe because you were the last to join…

RINGO: It's not that! Everyone has something against drummers!

JOHN: What are ye talking 'bout, son? I have seen more _'I love Ringo'_ posters than _'I love John'_ ones.

RINGO: Then why am I always the last one to call?

PAUL: They're saving the best for the end?

GEORGE: Or maybe they just like to call us alphabetically.

JOHN: What the bloody hell, man? Alphabetically would be: _George, Paul, John and Ringo._

RINGO: I didn't go to high school and even I know that!

GEORGE: I'm sleepy! I don't use my head when I'm sleepy!

JOHN: You never use your head, sleepy or not.

GEORGE: And I was thinking about the alphabetical order of our last names!

PAUL: Then it would be: _Harrison, Lennon, McCartney, Starr._

RINGO: Even alphabetically, I am always the last one!

JOHN: Shut up! Even Julian is more mature than you.

PAUL: Oh yes… Look who's talking…

JOHN: You shut up too, McCartney!

PAUL: What if I don't want to shut up, Lennon?

JOHN: Then I'll force you to shut up!

PAUL: What? You're going to shut me up with a kiss?

JOHN: That's what you want, huh?

GEORGE: I feel like I'm watching a Mexican soap opera…

RINGO: Have you watched Mexican soap operas?

GEORGE: Not really…

RINGO: Then why do you…?

GEORGE: Shut up, Ringo!

RINGO: Shut me up with a kiss!

PAUL: Are you copying me?

INTERVIEWER: SHUT UP!

JOHN: YOU CAN'T SHUT UP A BEATLE'S MOUTH!

INTERVIEWER: I ACTUALLY CAN!

PAUL: DON'T YOU DARE SHUTTING HIM UP WITH A KISS!

GEORGE: WHAT THE FUCK IS HAPPENING?

JOHN: IT'S RINGO'S FAULT!

RINGO: WHAT DID I DO?

INTERVIEWER: Let's all calm down…

GEORGE: Oh believe me, I'll be more than pleased if I could be in bed right now eating waffles.

PAUL: Food, food, food, food… There's no space for anything else in your head.

JOHN: I actually understand him now. It's been a hard day's night, we've been working like dogs, should be sleeping like logs… But when we arrived to the hotel room and undressed…

RINGO: …Eppy came running to tell he planned another interview…

PAUL: And I was going to watch a documental movie today!

JOHN: And I want waffles too!

GEORGE: Waffles! Waffles! Waffles!

INTERVIEWER: You're just complaining like little children, and I haven't even asked the first question.

RINGO: Then hurry up! We all want waffles!

INTERVIEWER: What do you think about astrology?

GEORGE: That's a weird question… I have never thought about it.

RINGO: We know about astrology as much as we know about hockey.

PAUL: And we know nothing about hockey.

GEORGE: Canadian guys ice-skating in an ice-rink.

JOHN: I only know I'm Libra and Paul is Geminis, and according to the astrology's theories, we're compatible signs.

RINGO: I'm Cancer and George is Aries. Are we compatible?

GEORGE: No, we're not.

RINGO: I'm sure we are!

PAUL: John and I are the only compatible ones, deal with it.

INTERVIEWER: Next question! Talk about your bad habits…

JOHN: Where should I start naming Paul's?

PAUL: I wonder the same thing about you, Lennon.

GEORGE: We'll all say the bad habits about each one of us.

RINGO: We'll start with…

JOHN: Paul!

GEORGE: I'm sure we talked about this in the last interview, but he makes us repeat the recordings like twenty times, because he's never satisfied with the result!

PAUL: That's not a bad thing! It's good! It makes us have great records!

RINGO: He's obsessed about his appearance and spends hours in the bathroom.

JOHN: And dedicates a lot of time to his skin and hair care.

INTERVIEWER: I don't think that's a bad habit… Most girls wish to have a tidy boyfriend…

JOHN: HE'S NOT GOING TO DATE YOU, OK? HE HAS A BLOODY GIRLFRIEND ALREADY.

GEORGE: On with the jealousy again…

RINGO: He blushes over the most insignificant things.

JOHN: That's not a bad habit. It's cute.

PAUL: I'm so cute, aren't I?

JOHN: Oh, and he's an egomaniac.

GEORGE: That's not a habit. It's a thing about him.

JOHN: When he looks at you with his puppy eyes can manipulate everyone.

RINGO: That's a trait, not a bad habit.

JOHN: THEN I WILL SAY EVERY BAD THING ABOUT PAUL, I DON'T CARE IF IT'S A HABIT OR NOT!

PAUL: Every bad thing about me? Why not mention the good ones?

JOHN: I always mention the good ones!

PAUL: No, you don't! You're always complaining about me! Enough talking about me! Let's move on to YOU.

GEORGE: John's always bragging about everything.

RINGO: He can't cook at all. He can't even make eggs.

GEORGE: Once he tried to cook scrambled eggs without putting oil in the frying pan.

RINGO: Even burns sandwiches in the toaster.

PAUL: He can't stay quiet in bed! He's always moving around changing his sleeping position!

INTERVIEWER: So you two have slept together?

JOHN: Hell, in Hamburg we all stayed in one tiny room, and I have had to sleep with him when touring.

RINGO: In some cases the four of us had to sleep in the same bed.

GEORGE: It's horrible! Mostly because of Ringo's snoring!

PAUL: John snores too… Not as awful as Ringo, of course…

JOHN: You adore sleeping with me, McCartney!

PAUL: NO! You can't stay quiet or calm!

JOHN: I calm when you fall asleep and I get to stalk and stare at you.

GEORGE: Oh my God, do you turn on your queer switch every time we do interviews?

PAUL: I'm not finished with you, John Winston!

RINGO: Gee…

PAUL: You're the one who adores sleeping with me!

JOHN: Me?

PAUL: Yes, you! Why else do you go to my bed when we aren't sharing one, saying '_Can I sleep with you? I had a nightmare'_

GEORGE: That's true…

JOHN: I have pretty bad nightmares!

PAUL: Then why don't you ask to sleep with George or Ringo?

JOHN: Because they don't look as cute as you when sleeping…

RINGO: You're a grown-up man, John! Grown-ups don't need to sleep with someone when they have a bad dream.

JOHN: I'm just a kid!

GEORGE: You're a kid but you're married and you have a son?

JOHN: Exactly.

INTERVIEWER: Gee… I only asked about your bad habits and you made a drama out of it…

RINGO: We're drama queens.

PAUL: We didn't finish saying the bad things! George is always hungry, and he eats fast without cleaning his mouth!

RINGO: ENOUGH! What about the _'Four lads that love each other'_?

JOHN: _'Four queers that fuck each other'_

GEORGE: _'Two queers that not-so-secretly desire each other and two lads trying to survive'_

PAUL: Yes… I know about you and Ringo…

RINGO: And everyone knows about you and John…

INTERVIEWER: I swear I have had interviewed tons of people and you're the strangest ones…

JOHN: Thank you!

INTERVIEWER: Whatever… How long can you stay underwater?

GEORGE: How long can you?

INTERVIEWER: One minute and eleven seconds is my record!

JOHN: And you seriously think we have counted that?

PAUL: Well, we tried once when we were filming _A Hard Day's Night._

RINGO: And I was the one who stayed for longer!

PAUL: No! I was!

JOHN: It was me!

GEORGE: Of course it wasn't you! You lasted like twenty seconds!

PAUL: It's obvious it was me!

RINGO: You may be the cute Beatle, but I am the Beatle who can stay the longer time submerged in the water.

GEORGE: We'll try again tomorrow!

PAUL: With Eppy!

RINGO: And George Martin!

GEORGE: And Mal!

JOHN: I was right… Julian is more mature than you…

PAUL: He's more mature than you too.

JOHN: I never denied it.

INTERVIEWER: Every single thing I say causes polemic between you!

JOHN: But your popularity ascends every time you interview us.

GEORGE: You know what other thing ascends? My hunger.

RINGO: We'll be eating waffles soon, Geo.

PAUL: Waffles aren't supposed to be for breakfast?

GEORGE: No!

PAUL: At least it isn't fish and chips…

INTERVIEWER: I hope this question don't lead you to argue or discuss. When were you born?

RINGO: July 7.

GEORGE: February 25.

JOHN: July 6.

PAUL: Uh? That's the day we met. Your birthday is on October 9.

JOHN: But I was born the day I met you, Paulie…

RINGO: Awwwwwkwwwwward…

JOHN: YES! I KNEW IT!

PAUL: What?

JOHN: I just wanted you to blush. And you did…

GEORGE: Everybody take a picture of the cute Beatle blushing again!

INTERVIEWER: So tell me about July 6…

PAUL: Where do I start…

JOHN: I was in this band called The Quarry Men…

RINGO: Because he studied in Quarry Bank.

PAUL: I had a friend called Ivan Vaughan, and he told me to assist to a Woolton festival in front of an Anglican Church.

GEORGE: In the graveyard of that church John lost his virginity.

JOHN: And he listened and thought I was very handsome and had an incredible talent!

PAUL: He sang '_Come go with me' _ by Del-Vikings, but he didn't know the lyrics, so he made them up.

JOHN: _Love, love me darlin'__, __come and go with me. Please don't send me__'way beyond the sea._

RINGO: _I need you, darlin',__so come go with me._

GEORGE: _Come, come, come, come, come into my heart. Tell me, darlin',__ w__e will never part. _

RINGO: _I need you, darlin',__ s__o come go with me._

PAUL: _Yes, I need you,__ y__es, I really need you. Please say you'll never leave me._

JOHN: _Well, say, you never, yes, you really never, you never give me a chance._

RINGO: _I need you, darlin',__ s__o come go with me._

GEORGE:_Come, come, come, come,__ c__ome into my heart. Tell me, darlin',__ w__e will never part._

RINGO: _I need you darlin', so come go with me._

JOHN: And we met inside the Church. He was a fat schoolboy.

PAUL: But you said I looked like Elvis and you liked me because of that.

GEORGE: Like Elvis? Seriously?

RINGO: He has always been blind as a bat, as you can see.

INTERVIEWER: Do you have any eye defect?

PAUL: He has myopia! But he hates wearing glasses!

GEORGE: So he prefers being blind and tripping with everything.

JOHN: I wear contacts!

RINGO: Anyway… Keep up the story about the day you met.

PAUL: Oh yeah, yeah… He fell in love with me when I played '_Twenty Flight Rock'._

JOHN: He had to play the guitar upside-down…

RINGO: What a cutie, right?

PAUL: He was amazed by my talent so he asked me to join to band.

JOHN: And he said yes!

GEORGE: And that's how their love began…

PAUL: Let me tell you how we began writing songs!

INTERVIEWER: How about in the next interview? Time's up!

RINGO: You know what that means?

GEORGE: WAFFLES!

JOHN: OH YEAH, WAFFLES!

PAUL: Bye, Beatle people… Don't take anything too serious, okay?

_**A/N If you want, send me questions you would like the interviewer to ask, something you would like them to talk. Or send a "fan letter'' for them to answer. Any suggestions?**_

_**What's your favorite interview so far?**_


	4. BEATLES!

_**A/N Fourth interview, Beatle people! Thank you for your favs, reviews and alerts, you are AWESOME!**_

_**Again, remember the slashy things are joking. (:**_

INTERVIEWER: Hello loves! Time for another interview!

JOHN: Woohoo… So excited…

INTERVIEWER: I understand it without the sarcasm.

GEORGE: Can't you see John and Paul had to stop doing _whatever _they were doing to go here?

RINGO: Do you think that's fair?

PAUL: It isn't…

INTERVIEWER: Anyway! The Be–

GEORGE: BEATLES!

INTERVIEWER: Yes… The Beatles are so excited and eager to answer all my questions!

RINGO: JOHN! Don't fall asleep!

JOHN: W-What? Ah, sorry…

GEORGE: I'm the sleepy one, you can't take my place!

PAUL: You're the hungry one.

JOHN: And you're the cutie one, Macca.

RINGO: Do we have to talk in EVERY bloody interview about how cute Paul is?

PAUL: I don't see any reasons for stopping.

RINGO: Of course you don't.

JOHN: Is Mr. Starkey jealous of Paul's cuteness?

GEORGE: No, he's just jealous of all the attention Paul gets because of it.

JOHN: Paul may be the cute Beatle, but you are the drummer Beatle!

RINGO: AGAIN? WITHOUT ME YOU'D BE NOTHING! YOU NEED A DRUMMER! YOU NEED ME! YES, YOU DO!

GEORGE: Da hell?

RINGO: You're fucking racists with me because I don't write the cheesy songs or play the guitar.

JOHN: Ringsy, calm down man…

INTERVIEWER: Ringsy? I've never heard that nickname…

GEORGE: Of course we need you Ritchie! We love you!

PAUL: _We love you, yeah, yeah, yeah!_

JOHN: _We love you, yeah, yeah, yeah!_

RINGO: _You love me, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!_

GEORGE: _You think you lost your love, well you saw us yesterday…_

PAUL: _It's you we're thinking of, and we told ourselves what to say…_

JOHN: W_e say we love you, and you know that can't be bad…_

GEORGE: _Yes, we love you, and you know you should be glad…_

RINGO: Awww… With a love like that, I am surely glad.

INTERVIEWER: How touching. Can we start the interview now?

PAUL: Yeah, yeah, yeah!

INTERVIEWER: What do you think about subcultures?

RINGO: Sub-wha?

JOHN: Subcultures; like goth, hippie, teddy boys, greasers and hipsters.

INTERVIEWER: That's right!

JOHN: You see? I'm the smart Beatle.

RINGO: I was a teddy boy!

JOHN: I was a Ted too!

RINGO: But _I _was the real Ted!

GEORGE: At the beginning I was scared of him…

INTERVIEWER: Just answer the question!

RINGO: Before the Beatles, I was in a band called Rory Storm and the Hurricanes, and I was a real teddy boy. John was a wannabe.

INTERVIEWER: You still didn't answer my question.

PAUL: Gee, you're interviewing the Bea-

GEORGE: BEATLES!

PAUL: Ehem, as I was saying, you're interviewing the Be-

GEORGE: BEATLES!

PAUL: Do you have to do that every time I'm going to say the name of our band?

GEORGE: BEATLES!

JOHN: He just likes to piss you off, Paulie. It's fun because you get irritated too fast.

RINGO: Let's piss of Paulie!

INTERVIEWER: I have a better idea…! ANSWER THE QUESTION.

RINGO: What question? About who was the real ted? I'm sure I made clear it was me.

INTERVIEWER: No! The question about what do you think about subcultures!

PAUL: It's a good way of expressing one's self.

INTERVIEWER: Why?

PAUL: You're asking too much questions!

GEORGE: It's cool to have people with the same interests and ideas of you.

INTERVIEWER: But you're not answering anything. I mean, it's not just people with the same interests of you.

JOHN: Yeah, because then _Beatlemania_ would be a subculture.

INTERVIEWER: But it isn't!

PAUL: How do you know? I think it is!

JOHN: No Paul, it isn't.

PAUL: I like to think it is.

JOHN: But it isn't, Paul!

PAUL: I don't care!

RINGO: We have a sub-whatever-it's-called!

JOHN: We don't!

INTERVIEWER: Okay, stop! Let's pass to the next question… What's your favorite thing to touch?

JOHN: Paul.

GEORGE: Paul?

RINGO: Paul!

PAUL: What the…?

INTERVIEWER: I see… What's your favorite part of Paul to touch?

PAUL: Why do you ask them? You're mean! They're going to say some embarrassing lie to embarrass me!

GEORGE: Paul's skin is probably the softest thing you can touch.

RINGO: Paul's hair is the smoothest thing you can caress.

GEORGE: Paul's lips are the―

JOHN: ENOUGH, OK? YOU JUST WANT ME TO BE JEALOUS!

PAUL: Oh, and what they said before it's true.

JOHN: Of course it is! Who knows him _better _than _me_?

RINGO: I don't know… Someone whose name starts with Jane and finishes with Asher.

JOHN: No, no, no.

GEORGE: What?

JOHN: I know Paul better than Jane!

RINGO: I don't know, maybe we should ask Paul.

JOHN: Yes Paul, answer please?

GEORGE: Don't forget Jane is probably going to watch this interview…

JOHN: She isn't. She's probably busy rehearsing for her play.

RINGO: But she's going to find out whatever answer Paul gives.

JOHN: ANSWER PAUL!

PAUL: Jane.

JOHN: WHAT?

PAUL: Jane knows me better and she loves me more than you.

GEORGE: And the jealousy-pissed-off-scream starts in…

RINGO: 3…2…1

JOHN: JAMES PAUL McCARTNEY! DON'T YOU DARE―

PAUL: I was joking. Of course you know me better… I know you since I'm 15… I taught you to play the guitar… We've never been apart since then.

GEORGE: Except when we were in Hamburg and I was deported for being too young, and then Paul had to go back to Liverpool too and John was left alone in Hamburg.

JOHN: Then I went back and Paul had a bloody job as a mailman or something like that, and his father didn't want him to keep along with the band, and I told him, '_Come here. If you don't come you're out of the band. You have to choose between me and your dad.'_

PAUL: And I chose―

JOHN: ME!

PAUL: It's you, _you, you, you, you…_

JOHN: _Hold me tight, let me go on loving you…_

PAUL: _Tonight, tonight, making love to only you…_

JOHN: _So hold me tight, tonight, tonight, it's you, you, you, you…_

PAUL: _Don't know what it means to hold you tight, being here along tonight with you…_

JOHN: _It feels so right now hold me tight!_

RINGO: Did anyone else notice that when they sing together they look like more than just singing partners?

GEORGE: Yeah, I did.

JOHN: _Tell me I'm the only one, and then I might never be the lonely one…_

PAUL: _SO HOLD__―_

INTERVIEWER: You can hold him tight when you get home. Now we have to keep up the interview.

GEORGE: _Woah woah ahhhh! Woah woah ahhhhh!_

RINGO: _John got a whole lot of things to tell Paul when they get home…_

JOHN: _Come on, out my way, 'cause I'm gonna see my baby today, I got a whole lot of things I wanna say to him…_

GEORGE: _Woah woah ahhhh! Woah woah ahhhh!_

RINGO: _I've got a whole lot of things to tell George when I get home…_

GEORGE: _Come on, if you please, I have no time for trivialities, I got a boy who's waiting there for me tonight…_

PAUL: _Woah woah ahh! Woah woah ahhh!_

GEORGE: _Rings got a whole lot of things to tell me when he gets home…_

JOHN: _When I get home tonight, I'm gonna hold him tight, I'm gonna love him till the cows come home…_

INTERVIEWER: Enough auto-promoting your songs here! Let's follow the interview!

JOHN: _'She loves you', 'Hold me tight', _and _'When I get home', _Beatle people!

RINGO: Don't worry; if you buy the record, the queer lines are not included.

INTERVIEWER: In the past interview Paul said he was going to talk about when John and he started writing songs.

PAUL: After we met, we started hanging out, listening records, playing music and stuff. And soon I showed him the song I wrote, '_I lost my little girl', _and that inspired him to write, _'Hello little girl'_

JOHN: Paul was more advanced than I was, and he taught me to play the guitar properly and some guitar chords.

PAUL: When I met him, he played a five-string guitar like a banjo, and only knew three banjo chords that weren't even chords.

JOHN: So we kind of learned to play the guitar together, because he wasn't a pro either.

PAUL: We started writing down songs in a little notebook I had. Only the lyrics and the chords, so we had to remember everything. We didn't have any tape recorders.

JOHN: We thought that if we didn't remember the melody of something we wrote, how the others are supposed to remember it? So if we remembered a song, it was a good composition. If we didn't, it was trash. It's still our philosophy.

GEORGE: I feel so excluded right now… Hey Rings, let's start a songwriting partnership!

RINGO: _Starr/Harrison!_

GEORGE: _Harrison/Starr _sounds better, and it is the alphabetical order!

RINGO: Who cares about alphabetical order?

GEORGE: It's like _Lennon/McCartney! _John goes first because L goes before M in the alphabet.

RINGO: No. John goes first because he manipulated Paul, and Paul is too manipulative.

JOHN: I didn't manipulate him! But _Lennon/McCartney _obviously sounds better than _McCartney/Lennon._

GEORGE: You have just screwed it up, John.

JOHN: What?

RINGO: Let me quote you, '_Lennon/McCartney OBVIOUSLY sounds better than McCartney/Lennon'. _Really John?

GEORGE: And then you say you're not cocky and that you don't brag.

RINGO: See that Paul is so quiet? He's pissed off.

GEORGE: You said it's easy to piss him off. Well congrats! He's really pissed off with you!

RINGO: I bet he isn't going to even talk to you tonight.

GEORGE: So forget the _'hold me tight' _thing.

JOHN: Can you two just be quiet?

RINGO: Okay, we'll shut up.

INTERVIEWER: But I need you to follow the interview!

PAUL: _Go away, leave me alone, don't bother me._

GEORGE: That song is '_Don't bother me'! _And I wrote it! YES, I WROTE IT WITHOUT McCARTNEY OR LENNON!

RINGO: We're going to write a song together Geo, I promise!

JOHN: Are you really pissed off, love?

GEORGE: You don't ask those questions, John. You just say sorry.

JOHN: I'm sorry Paulie… Why am I such an egg-head? Our partnership is something beautiful and I love writing songs and sharing the credit with you. All my songs are yours; ours. And you know I've always been jealous of your talent even if I never admit it. And you also know that the Lennon/McCartney signature is because of the alphabetical order.

PAUL: I wasn't pissed off or upset. I am used to your cocky comments, and actually, you have said things ten times worse. I just wanted to hear John Lennon apologizing to Paul McCartney worldwide.

JOHN: But you know all I said is true, right?

PAUL: Of course I know silly. You're cute when you want to. I love you Johnny.

JOHN: I love you more Paulie.

RINGO: Awwwwwwwkwwwwwwward...

GEORGE: The interviewer is going to say something about following the interview in 3…2…1…

INTERVIEWER: Actually, your queer talks and blabbers made this interviewer impossible to follow, and time's up so…

JOHN: WE CAN GO!

GEORGE: Hey lads, how about waffles today too?

RINGO: But I want pancakes!

PAUL: I want pancakes too!

JOHN: Pancakes will be!

INTERVIEWER: Gee… I am amazed about how childish you are…

PAUL: But you still want to keep interviewing us because we are awesome, and also we are the―

GEORGE: BEATLES!

JOHN: I feel like I should remind you again to not take this stuff too serious, please…

PAUL: _Because we love you! And you know that can't be bad…_

JOHN: And I love YOU, Paulie!

INTERVIEWER: ENOUGH! TODAY'S INTERVIEW IS OVER!

_**A/N Thank you for reading! **_

_**You can send me questions for them or suggestions if you want!**_

_**Also, is there some other 'pairing' you would like me to 'play' with?**_

_**Do you want me to write about the Beatles actually talking about girls?**_


	5. The Shameless Beatles

_**A/N Fifth one! Remember all of these is joking, including the slashy parts.**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own the Beatles and this interview is fictional and created by me, so it never happened.**_

INTERVIEWER: Fifth interview! You guys are giving me much more money than I could have expected! Fans love these interviews!

RINGO: And you're getting rich for sitting there listening to us talking about random shit.

JOHN: Ugh! Can you two stop it, please?

INTERVIEWER: You're talking to me?

JOHN: No! With Harrison and McCartney! Can't you see how they are flirting with their eyes?

RINGO: You're overreacting, Lennie.

JOHN: I'm not! Paul's not suppose to giggle like that when looking at George! That's something he does with _me _and only _ME!_

RINGO: Maybe he changed his mind…

JOHN: JAMES PAUL McCARTNEY!

PAUL: You said something, John?

JOHN: Don't pretend you didn't hear me!

GEORGE: Oh, you see… Paulie was relating me a hilarious joke…

JOHN: Joke? I'm the one who does the jokes here!

GEORGE: You're so funny, right Macca?

PAUL: You're so cute Georgie! You should be the cute Beatle, not me!

GEORGE: How adorable, darling…

JOHN: Uggghhhh! Stop it! Bloody queers…

RINGO: You're the bloody jealous queer, John…

JOHN: How can I not be jealous? Look at them!

INTERVIEWER: I have a marvelous idea; let's start the interview, for God's sake!

RINGO: I think that's fair…

INTERVIEWER: Is doing gigs in Latin America in your plans?

RINGO: We don't really know. We tour in the places our manager wants to meet.

JOHN: Don't ask questions about business here!

GEORGE: They plan it all and we have to agree with everything.

PAUL: This interview is getting boring…

GEORGE: I could amuse you if you want, Macca…

PAUL: How are you going to do so?

RINGO: John is right! You two are annoying me! I'm used to John and Paul being queer with each other… But you two?

PAUL: You're jealous too?

RINGO: Me? Jealous?

PAUL: Gee, _everybody's trying to be my baby, everybody's trying to be my baby, everybody's trying to be my baby now…_

JOHN: You're a bitch, Paul!

INTERVIEWER: Hey! Watch the language Lennon! There are kids watching this!

PAUL: Yeah, watch it Lennon!

JOHN: And those kids swear more than I do, for sure!

RINGO: I bet it's hard to find someone who swears more than you.

JOHN: Can you shut up, Starkey? I thought you were by my side!

GEORGE: No one's by your side now…

JOHN: I hate you all!

GEORGE: _I wanna be your lover Paulie, I wanna be your man. I wanna be your lover baby, I wanna be your man…_

PAUL: _Love you like no other Georgie, like no other can. Love you like no other baby, I wanna be your man…_

RINGO: _George wants to be Paul's man, John claims to be Paul's man…_

INTERVIEWER: I need to ask you more questions! So… When was the last time you cry?

JOHN: John Lennon _never _cries.

PAUL: Actually, John Lennon cried yesterday when Ringo accidentally hit him with a drumstick.

JOHN: That's not true!

RINGO: It is true… But I understand… My drumsticks hit hard…

GEORGE: How can a drumstick hit someone hard?

JOHN: You shut up! I hate you, I fucking hate you!

GEORGE: I will take good care of Paulie for you…

RINGO: You better shut up before John kills you, George…

JOHN: And I wasn't the only one who cried yesterday!

RINGO: Paul cried watching some crappy romantic movie…

PAUL: How can you say _Breakfast at Tiffany's _is crappy?

INTERVIEWER: For once I agree with you, I love that movie! For a costume party, I dressed as Holly, with the long black gloves and everything!

PAUL: Yes, it's amazing! But I didn't cry!

GEORGE: Yes you cried Paulie… Fortunately, you had me to snuggle with…

JOHN: He had _ME _to snuggle with! You didn't even watch the movie because you were goofing with Ringo!

RINGO: Jealousy is going to kill you…

JOHN: _The world is treating me bad, misery…_

GEORGE: _John lost Paul now for sure…_

RINGO: _John won't see George no more…_

JOHN: _It's gonna be a drag… misery…_

PAUL: _I'll remember all the little things we'd done…_

JOHN: _Can't he see he'll always be the only one, only one... Send Paul back to me, 'cause everyone can see…_

PAUL: _Without me John will be in misery…_

JOHN:_I'll remember all the little things we've done.__He'll remember and he'll miss his only one, lonely one…_

RINGO: I knew somehow this would end with John and Paul singing together_… again._

JOHN: And that's the way things are supposed to be!

GEORGE:_ Paulie, just one more thing boy, you give back your ring to me, and_ _I will set you free, go with John…_

JOHN: YOU HEARD HIM PAUL, STOP PLAYING AND COME WITH ME!

PAUL: Alright jealous boy…

RINGO: Wait, what? McLennon back again?

GEORGE: McLennon?

RINGO: Yes, it's how I call them. Sounds nice, right?

GEORGE: What about McHarrison?

JOHN: NO.

GEORGE: We were playing, just because we wanted to see you act all jealousy.

JOHN: Paul! Don't ever do that again… Not to Johnny…

PAUL: Paulie promises not doing something like that to Johnny again. But Johnny has to promise he'll shower every day.

JOHN: But Johnny doesn't need to shower every day!

PAUL: If Johnny doesn't shower every day, then he won't get to sleep with Paulie every night…

JOHN: Paulie is being mean to Johnny, but Johnny promises to shower _almost _every day.

RINGO: Stop talking like toddlers! I change my opinion back, I think George and Paul were more bearable.

INTERVIEWER: I didn't understand the shower thing.

GEORGE: Paul is the only one that showers every day.

RINGO: He showers t_wice _a day.

GEORGE: He'd shower _thrice _if he could.

JOHN: We're lazy and sometimes we don't have time to shower, and that upsets Paul and his meticulousness.

GEORGE: But in our first time in Hamburg I think none of us e_ver _showered.

RINGO: How could we? We were in a tiny room with a cheap bunk bed inside a club, and it only had ladies' bathroom!

PAUL: I showered in the ladies' bathroom whenever I could.

RINGO: Pervert.

GEORGE: With that baby face you could pass for a girl…

RINGO: But how can you hide his _thing?_

JOHN: We all tried to sneak in the ladies' bathroom, but the girls would always throw us out thinking we wanted to see them while showering.

RINGO: Which in part was true…

PAUL: But all I wanted was to fucking shower!

JOHN: Those Hamburg times with Preludin…

INTERVIEWER: What's that?

GEORGE: Preludin? Some pill that can keep you up for days.

INTERVIEWER: Like an _illegal _drug?

PAUL: No, no, we're totally legal! We haven't taken weed or anything like that…

JOHN: Yeah… Who needs _Cannabis? _Clearly none of us…

INTERVIEWER: _Cannabis?_

JOHN: The scientific name of marijuana. See? I told ye I was the smart Beatle!

RINGO: You're more likely to be the jealous Beatle.

GEORGE: Anyway… We haven't taken any drugs!

PAUL: Why are we talking about drugs that we are _clearly_ not taking? Next question!

INTERVIEWER: Okaay… Do you―

GEORGE: _Want to know a secret?_

JOHN, PAUL AND RINGO: _Doo-da-doo._

INTERVIEWER: Stop singing. And since we're talking about secrets, why don't you share one with us?

JOHN: A secret is something you hide from others because you don't want to know or find out. Why should we share a secret with you _and _the rest of the world?

GEORGE: We have actually said more than we should…

RINGO: Like in the third interview when we talked about our first shag…

PAUL: That was in the second, not the third.

RINGO: Whatever, my sense of memory stinks.

PAUL: Just as you all stink when you don't shower.

GEORGE: I didn't shower today and I don't smell bad.

JOHN: And that's the magic of the cologne!

PAUL: You're disgusting.

RINGO: I didn't shower; I took a long bubbling bath.

PAUL: Me too!

GEORGE: So you two bathed together?

RINGO: NO! That's John's job, not mine…

JOHN: Johnny promises to take a bath every day if Paulie takes it with him.

PAUL: Paulie likes Johnny's idea.

GEORGE: No! Don't talk like that _again!_

JOHN: Georgie dislikes how Johnny and Paulie talk?

GEORGE: Georgie dislikes it very much…

RINGO: Ringsy wants to know why Georgie is playing along with Paulie and Johnny…

INTERVIEWER: Well, if you don't want to share a secret, share something else.

GEORGE: I'm―

PAUL: Hungry?

GEORGE: Yes! How did you know?

PAUL: How could I possibly not know?

JOHN: I do have something to share! Paul and I are getting married!

PAUL: Wait, what?

JOHN: And George and Ringo are going to be the best-men!

PAUL: I think weddings only have _one _best-man…

JOHN: Then we're going to have two!

GEORGE: Is queer marriage legal?

RINGO: I don't think it is…

JOHN: Paul is going to be the most beautiful bride ever!

PAUL: I don't want to be the bride! I am a lad!

JOHN: But I can't be the bride!

GEORGE: Paul is the bride!

PAUL: If I have to be the bride I don't want to get married!

JOHN: But you'll get to wear a pretty dress! And you don't need fake eyelashes because yours are long enough!

RINGO: Paulie has long eyelashes, a girly face and cries like a girl!

PAUL: We can both be grooms!

JOHN: Alright…

PAUL: That's a yes?

JOHN: Only because I love you, princess.

PAUL: Don't call me princess!

JOHN: But you're my princess!

GEORGE: You forgot about a little detail…

JOHN: What?

GEORGE: You're already married.

RINGO: Cynthia Powell. Remember?

JOHN: Oh, but Cyn doesn't care!

GEORGE: We should get Cyn and Jane to be at one interview and see what they think about those two acting queer.

PAUL: Only Cyn and Jane? Why not Pattie and Maureen too?

RINGO: The eight of us in one interview? The interviewer is going to get crazy!

GEORGE: I think that if the girls are here, they won't act queer because they would be ashamed.

RINGO: But they are shameless!

JOHN: We're shameless!

RINGO: See? They are shameless and they're proud of it.

GEORGE: We are shameless too!

RINGO: The shameless Beatles!

JOHN: That could be a good name for the band! '_The Shameless Beatles'_

PAUL: Remember when we were _'The Silver Beetles'?_

GEORGE: What a stupid childish name…

PAUL: Not as stupid as '_Johnny and the Moondogs'_

JOHN: _'Johnny and the Moondogs'_ was great!

PAUL: '_Paulie and the Moondogs' _woul've been greater.

RINGO: Fortunately, I joined when they were already _'The Beatles'_

INTERVIEWER: Whose idea was to be named '_The Beatles'?_

JOHN: Mine!

GEORGE: It was Stu's.

JOHN: Well, 50% me, 50% Stu, alright?

INTERVIEWER: Who's Stu?

PAUL: He used to be the bassist of The Beatles and a terrific painter. He was in Art College with John.

INTERVIEWER: And what happened?

RINGO: He died.

INTERVIEWER: Oh… I'm sorry…

JOHN: He was a good friend…

PAUL: Yeah…

GEORGE: Shut up Paul, you kind of hated him…

PAUL: I didn't hate him!

JOHN: You were jealous of my friendship with him.

PAUL: But he was big and in college with you! I was still little and in grammars school…

GEORGE: We were all horrible with him…

JOHN: Sometimes we'd just say '_You can't sit with us.', _so it was Paul, George and me joking together, and him alone in one side.

PAUL: One day I got in a fight with him right on the stage.

GEORGE: And everyone in the public was shouting, '_FIGHT, FIGHT, FIGHT! HIT HIM!'_

JOHN: But I was really sad by his death and us all, or at least _I _miss him.

RINGO: I never really knew him well… But he looked like a nice kid…

INTERVIEWER: That's a sad story…! Oh well, I think this interview is over…

RINGO: Bye bye!

JOHN: I'm looking forward to my bath with Paul tonight…

PAUL: And we have to begin planning the wedding!

GEORGE: Bye everyone! We shall repeat the same as always: don't take this too serious please!

_**A/N I want to give special thanks to 'Victoria Harrison' for giving me the idea of George and Paul acting slashy and John being jealous. **_

_**I have received more suggestions and I will try to incorporate them all, so you can send your questions for the Beatles, suggestions, 'fanmail' to them, or whatever you want!**_

_**Songs used and mentioned in the chapter: 'Everybody's trying to be my baby', 'I wanna be your man', 'Misery', 'Anna', 'Do you want to know a secret'.**_

_**Thank you for reading, and for your favs, reviews and alerts.**_


	6. Thank you girl

_**A/N Interview number six! Thank you for your support!**_

RINGO: Hello Beatle people! Your favorite British lads are going to be interviewed by the nameless lady again!

GEORGE: THE BEATLES!

RINGO: YES, THE BEATLES!

PAUL: HOORAY FOR THE BEATLES!

INTERVIEWER: I'm the one who says that, Ringo.

RINGO: But I say it better!

INTERVIEWER: Whatever… Today I have a surprise for you!

GEORGE: Waffles?

JOHN: Elvis is here?

INTERVIEWER: No, but actually―

PAUL: Anyways! The planning of the wedding is going extremely well!

JOHN: We want something fancy and rock 'n' rolling!

PAUL: We're going to play music that day and dedicate songs to each other. We're going to be the rock-stars of our wedding!

JOHN: Tomorrow we're going to buy the rings!

RINGO: I'm going to help them choose! Because I love rings!

PAUL: Your obsession with rings is as obvious as George's obsession with food.

GEORGE: Rings and I have something to say!

RINGO: We're getting married too!

JOHN: No, you can't! You want to take the spotlight off Paul and me. Paul and I are the ones getting married!

PAUL: How did it happen?

GEORGE: You see… We've always been in love, but we've never showed it to everyone like you and John.

RINGO: It's going to be a spring wedding!

JOHN: But my wedding with Paul will be _much_ better!

CYNTHIA: Yeah? Tell me more about it, John.

PAUL: What…

GEORGE: The…

RINGO: Fuu―?

INTERVIEWER: Surprise!

JOHN: Cyn? What are you doing here?

CYNTHIA: Nothing y'know… Just having the time of my life hearing how much in love you and Paul are.

MAUREEN: But it doesn't compare to the love George and Ringo have for each other.

PAUL: Please don't tell me Jane is here too…

JANE: Mrs. Paul Lennon doesn't want to see me?

PATTIE: And don't you dare think you're safe, George…

GEORGE: …Just…Lovely…

CYNTHIA: Weren't expecting us, didn't you?

MAUREEN: But don't worry! We're just here to give you all wedding advice…

INTERVIEWER: Now that we're all here… Let's start the interview!

PAUL: How are you going to have an interview with EIGHT people on it? It's going to be insane!

RINGO: Humm… This is going to be awkward.

INTERVIEWER: Talk about how you met each other.

JOHN: Let me tell you again about the day I met the love of my life that July 6 in the Woolton festival…

CYNTHIA: John, if you don't stop, I'm going to start believing you're actually queer.

JOHN: I'm just joking!

PAUL: But you're in love with me, Johnny!

JANE: Lucky me!

PATTIE: You see, girls? All boys are immature, even when they are 22 years old.

MAUREEN: I'm going to talk with Epstein. They are _not _going to share a room ever again.

GEORGE: But what about the Beatles' sleepovers?

PATTIE: What?

JOHN: A sleepover! Haven't you been in one? We sleep in the same bed, have pillow fights, paint our nails, talk about boys and play truth-or-dare!

CYNTHIA: JOHN!

INTERVIEWER: Ehem… I will ask it again… Talk about how the _heterosexual _pairings in this room met each other.

MAUREEN: Ringsy and I met in The Cavern Club.

GEORGE: Hey! Only we can call him like that!

PATTIE: Don't make things worse, Harrison.

PAUL: She called you by your last name, bro… I think you're screwed…

JANE: You're going for the same road, McCartney…

INTERVIEWER: Tell us about your teenage days, Maureen.

JOHN: We call her _Mo._

MAUREEN: I left school at 14 to be a hairdresser. At 15 I became a regular at The Cavern, but I was kind of afraid to it because there were always fights, and stuff.

PAUL: She once kissed me for a bet.

RINGO: But later she kissed _me _a developed a crush on me!

INTERVIEWER: Who's the best kisser?

GEORGE: Ringo, of course!

MAUREEN: Ehem… I was supposed to answer that question… But yes, Ringo! He's my boyfriend!

JOHN: But you have to admit that Paul's a better kisser…

JANE: I'm not even going to ask…

INTERVIEWER: Let's talk about Pattie and George!

PATTIE: We met this year during the filming of _'A Hard Day's Night'. _I was casted as one of the schoolgirl fans, and my only line in the movie is, '_Prisioners?'_

GEORGE: One of the first things I said to her was, _"Will you marry me? Well, if you won't marry me, will you have dinner with me tonight?"_

RINGO: So you proposed her before you proposed me?

GEORGE: I didn't propose you! You proposed me!

INTERVIEWER: Have you kissed Pattie too, Paul?

PAUL: Not yet…

GEORGE: What do you mean with _'Not yet…'?_

JOHN: Yes Paul! Don't you dare cheat on me!

CYNTHIA: .LENNON!

GEORGE: I think she's upset…

RINGO: You think?

INTERVIEWER: Let's talk about the next couple!

JOHN: Paul and I!

JANE: Should I be jealous?

GEORGE: I think you should, Jane…

PAUL: You're not helping, Geo.

CYNTHIA: I have two children: Julian and John.

INTERVIEWER: Cynthia and John will be!

CYNTHIA: I was accepted in the _Junior School of Art _when I was 12 and then enrolled in the _Liverpool College of Art. _We met in calligraphy class.

JOHN: After a college party to celebrate the end of term, I asked her if she would like to _go out _with me, but she replied she was engaged with some bloke in Hoylake.

CYNTHIA: So this little gentleman here stormed off, shouting, '_I didn't ask you to fucking marry me, did I?' _He ignored me all evening, but as I was ready to leave, he grabbed my hand and we went to a room that Stu was renting…

JOHN: …And had sex…

INTERVIEWER: When was your kid born?

JOHN: In April 5 or 6, I think…

GEORGE: April 8 of 1963.

CYNTHIA: That's right…

JOHN: How do you know it, George?

GEORGE: That's something you should know!

CYNTHIA: He's right! How can you not know when's the birthday of your son?

JOHN: I was close!

CYNTHIA: And you know the exact date and hour when you met Paul. What day it was when we met at calligraphy class?

JOHN: Ehem… Anyway… Remember when I brought my guitar to class and sang and played _'Ain't She Sweet' _directly to you?

CYTNHIA: I do remember… But you didn't answer my question.

JOHN: Well, I certainly don't know the exact date we met but I'm sure you don't remember either.

CYNTHIA: Ok… I'm letting you win this time!

JOHN: _Oh, ain't Cyn sweet, when you see her walking down the street. Yes I ask you very confidentially: Ain't she sweet?_

RINGO: _Oh, ain't Mo nice, when you look her over once or twice. Yes I ask you very confidentially: Ain't she nice?_

GEORGE: _Just cast an eye in Pattie's direction. Oh me oh my, ain't that perfection?_

PAUL: _Oh I repeat, well don't you think that's kind of neat? Yes I ask you very confidentally: ain't Jane sweet?_

CYNTHIA, MAUREEN, PATTIE AND JANE: Awwwwwwww….!

INTERVIEWER: Last but not least, let's talk about Jane and Paul!

JANE: We met one 18 of April.

JOHN: And Paul and I met one July 6!

RINGO: Shut up! Stop it with the July 6 thing! You don't have to repeat it every time! _No one _cares!

JOHN: If Paul and I hadn't met, The Beatles wouldn't exist!

PAUL: Just ignore him Johnny… He's just jealous…

JANE: PAUL! Weren't we talking about when _we_ met?

PAUL: We were?

GEORGE: Paul, are you idiot? You can't ask '_We were?' _to your girlfriend if you want to stay alive!

JANE: Always listen to George, James Paul.

JOHN: I'm the one who jokes using his first name! You can't! I'm getting jealous!

CYNTHIA: _You? _I'm the one getting jealous!

JANE: Anyway… As I was saying… That day The Beatles topped the bill at the Royal Albert Hall in London, for a concert broadcast live by the BBC.

GEORGE: Girl, how do you remember it all? Do you stalk us or something?

JANE: You just lost the points you earned…

PAUL: We played _'Please Please Me', 'Misery', 'Twist and Shout' _and _'From Me To You'._

JOHN: Great songs! I hope you bought our records!

JANE: You're making me lose my patience, John.

JOHN: Haven't you already?

CYNTHIA: JOHN!

JOHN: Gee! You've been shouting my name all interview!

RINGO: Anyway, when the event ended Paul and Jane met and later became a couple and you all know the rest of the story.

INTERVIEWER: Tell us more about the story!

GEORGE: Well, Jane's interest in Paul was pretty obvious, so we all discreetly left them alone in a hotel room hoping something would happen…

RINGO: …And we came back to see they were discussing about their favorite food.

GEORGE: You see? I'm not the only one who talks about food!

INTERVIEWER: Well… It was nice to know those things about all of you! Now I'm going to ask something easy: say ONE thing you love about your couple.

JOHN: Only _one _thing? I can't only choose one thing I love about Paul!

PAUL: Aww, that's so sweet, love… The same happens to me about you…

GEORGE: I cannot just choose one thing about Ringo! He's perfect!

JOHN: Not as perfect as _my_ Paul!

RINGO: One thing about Georgie? Mmm… I―

JANE: Everybody shut up!

PATTIE: Yeah, I think we've had enough!

CYNTHIA: We thought it was funny at first, but now it is annoying us.

MAUREEN: Be serious for once!

RINGO: Seriously… You're all amazing. How can you stand us? We are unbearable!

GEORGE: Thank you for being there even if we are the most childish men on Earth…

RINGO: _Thank you Mo for loving me the way that you do…_

PAUL: _That's the kind of love that is too good to be true…_

GEORGE: _And all I gotta do is thank you girl, thank you girl…_

JOHN: _Oh, oh, you've been good to me, you made me glad when I was blue…_

RINGO: _And eternally I'll always be in love with you…_

PAUL: _And all I gotta do is thank you girl, thank you girl, oh, oh…_

PATTIE: We've been serenaded for the second time in the night, ladies!

MAUREEN: Should we forgive them?

CYNTHIA: Yes… They're just kids…

JANE: Paul will make it up to me tonight in the hot-tub, right?

PAUL: Well, actually tonight we're heading up to some strange country when we finish here…

GEORGE: Our life is like this: make a movie, tour Europe, tour England twice, make four singles, three EPs and a couple of albums, tour America, tour the Far East...

JOHN: _I'll write home every day and I'll send all my loving to you…_

RINGO: Weren't we asked to talk about one thing we love about our couples?

GEORGE: Yes! I want to start!

INTERVIEWER: Actually, time is over… But I hope you all had a great time! Thanks to Maureen, Pattie, Jane and Cynthia for being here with us!

JOHN: You thank them but not us?

CYNTHIA: JOHN!

GEORGE: Bye, bye!

**A/N Many of you asked for me to write about the Beatles' girls being there, so I did it! Sorry if it came out terribly bad, but it was kind of hard to write an interview for eight people. Sorry if this chapter wasn't funny :(**

**Do you have any suggestions for the next interviews? A question for them to answer? A 'fan letter' for them?**


	7. Jewish nose

INTERVIEWER: Wow… I can't believe this is the seventh time I interview the―

GEORGE: BEATLES!

RINGO: There's another surprise in this one too?

JOHN: Please don't tell me you brought Mimi here…

INTERVIEWER: Back to normal! But it was fun interviewing you along with the girls!

PAUL: You got us into some big trouble!

INTERVIEWER: _I? You_ were the ones joking about being gay; not me.

JOHN: They called Brian and demanded us to sleep in separate rooms from now on…

GEORGE: But it isn't fun!

RINGO: We're like Brian's kids, and we're always insisting on sleeping the four in the same room…

PAUL: …But it always ends up in a _huge _mess…

JOHN: …So two of us sleep in one room, and the other two in other…

GEORGE: Cyn and Jane don't want John and Paul to share room ever again.

JOHN: But we still did!

PAUL: We need to be in the same room to write songs!

RINGO: And Geo and I need to be in the same room to play marbles!

INTERVIEWER: You said in a past interview that you were going to start a songwriting duo like McCartney and Lennon.

PAUL: Finally someone said my name first!

GEORGE: Yes! We're working on it!

RINGO: We wrote a song that says, '_Baby's good to me you know, she's happy as can be, you know, she said so…'_

GEORGE: _'I'm in love with her and I feel fine!'_

JOHN: What the hell are you talkin' bout? That's a song I'm working on!

RINGO: Shut up, it's ours!

PAUL: It's a Lennon/McCartney song and it's going to be our next single!

GEORGE: Darn it, it's yours… But Ringo and I _do _have a song we're working on right now…

RINGO: It says, _'Paaaaaul and Joooohn are doing it tonight, oh yeaah! Paaaaul screams for moreeee, and Jooooohn takes everything off…'_

GEORGE: _'Yeaahhh… Paaaaaul wants to do Joooohn and Joooohn wants to do Paaaaaaul!'_

PAUL: What kind of song is that?

JOHN: I kind of like it…

INTERVIEWER: Don't you ever get tired of acting queer?

RINGO: John never gets tired of acting queer because he is actually queer.

JOHN: I'm not queer; I'm just in love with Paulie.

GEORGE: That's not queer _at all._

RINGO: It's fun.

JOHN: That's because I'm the funny Beatle!

RINGO: No, no, no! _I'm _the funny Beatle!

JOHN: I am!

RINGO: No!

JOHN: Yes!

RINGO: Geoooorge! You decide!

GEORGE: Me? Why me?

RINGO: Because if I ask Paul, he's obviously going to choose John!

JOHN: Because I am the funny one! I am always making all the jokes!

RINGO: But I was the one who came up with the idea of _'A hard day's night'_

JOHN: That's not funny! It's just something illogical you said that inspired Paul and I to write a song!

RINGO: Then I should get credit! The song should be _Starr/McCartney/Lennon._

JOHN: You didn't help to write! Just gave the title!

PAUL: Then I should give credit to the driver that said _'Eight days a week'? _No! Because that's a song I wrote with John!

GEORGE: I think Ringsy is the funniest.

RINGO: Thank you! Finally someone's by my side!

GEORGE: You're the funniest guy I ever met. Also the most handsome.

JOHN: Why are you so mean, George? Lying is a sin, y'know…

RINGO: Are you calling me ugly?

JOHN: Not exactly… But George is exaggerating by calling you _the most handsome. _Even if you operated your Jewish nose you still wouldn't even be close.

INTERVIEWER: So Ringo, talk a little about your Jewish traditions.

RINGO: I'm not Jewish! I don't even know how it is spelled!

JOHN: Stop trying to hide your past, Ringo. That's rude to your family.

RINGO: _Rude? _Rude is calling me ugly in my face in an interview the whole universe is going to watch!

PAUL: John is right… You shouldn't be ashamed of your roots. Embrace your faith!

INTERVIEWER: I am waiting for you to talk about Judaism!

RINGO: Then you shall die waiting, because I know nothing about it! Just because I have a big nose doesn't mean I'm Jew!

GEORGE: Stop lying, Rings! I remember you introduced us to your Rabbi in Liverpool!

RINGO: What the fuck is a Rabbi?

GEORGE: Oh please… Don't act like you don't know…

RINGO: NOT EVERY PERSON WITH A FUCKING BIG NOSE IS JEW, AND NOT EVERY JEW HAS A FUCKING BIG NOSE!

PAUL: Gee… Stop swearing… Parents are not going to allow kids watch our interviews…

INTERVIEWER: Are you Jew or not?

JOHN: Yes!

RINGO: No!

JOHN: Yes!

RINGO: I'm not, okay? End of conversation.

GEORGE: We were just playing with you…

RINGO: Don't.

PAUL: You don't want us to play with you, Ritchie?

RINGO: Nope.

JOHN: In that case, you're out of tonight's playing session of poker.

RINGO: But I love poker!

GEORGE: Sorry… You said you didn't want us to play with you…

JOHN: We'll call the Stones!

PAUL: That's a good plan! I remember Mick and Keith wanted some songwriting advice…

JOHN: That's right! The Rolling Stones ask advice to the Beatles!

PAUL: Mick and Keith say we were their inspiration to start writing songs.

RINGO: Mick and Keith aren't the only members in the Stones. There's also Bill, Brian and Charlie.

JOHN: But Mick and Keith are the songwriters.

RINGO: You're doing the same you do with me! You're racists with me because I'm the drummer and you're doing the same with them! Don't worry, I'll stand by you, Charlie!

PAUL: Anyway… As I was going to say, we wrote, _'I wanna be your man' _and offered it to the Stones.

JOHN: And they said yes, of course. Who on Earth would decline the offer to sing a Lennon/McCartney song?

PAUL: We also gave it to Ringo for him to sing it. So there's a Beatles version and a Stones version of the song.

JOHN: But our version is obviously better. It would've been better if I was the singer of the song.

PAUL: John and I are so generous, that we give to George and Ringo some of our songs for them to sing.

GEORGE: Enough!

RINGO: Hell, you're the cockiest men on the galaxy…

JOHN: Do you even know what a galaxy is?

GEORGE: And do you even know when to shut the fuck up?

PAUL: Don't talk to him like that!

GEORGE: He's being mean to Rings! I won't accept it!

RINGO: Yeah, that's right! We'll fight for our rights!

JOHN: Good luck with it…

GEORGE: So you and Paul are playing to be the egg-headed bad-asses in this interview?

PAUL: Yeah, pretty much what you said.

INTERVIEWER: Let's pretend I didn't hear anything you said and just follow the interview. What's your favorite color?

JOHN: Green like the lettuce you put into hamburgers.

PAUL: We never understood why people in Hamburg have another name for Hamburgers. I thought Hamburgers were German because of Hamburg.

GEORGE: Hamburgers are German!

PAUL: They aren't! They have a weird name for Hamburgers in Hamburg!

JOHN: Hamburgers _are _German and they have their German name. 'Hamburger' is just the translation, and the name comes from Hamburg.

PAUL: I think they are from ancient Rome or something.

GEORGE: They are from Hamburg! End of the discussion!

RINGO: Bleh. Hamburgers are American for me.

JOHN: Did you sell out yourself already? I understand that the American radio and the TV are freaking awesome; but your European pride comes first!

GEORGE: This is what happened: some German guys gave the recipe to other American lads and they changed it a bit and created the modern burger.

PAUL: Why are we discussing about the origin of hamburgers?

GEORGE: The interviewer asked about our favorite colors, John said something stupid, and you replied with another stupidity.

JOHN: You kept along with the stupidity, so _sshhhh_.

GEORGE: Speaking of Hamburgers, it should be our dinner tonight!

PAUL: Yeah, I want a cheeseburger!

JOHN: I want the one that has fish on it.

PAUL: Didn't you eat enough fish in Britain?

GEORGE: I don't care how you're going to eat it. I want a double one.

RINGO: What was the initial question? I got lost.

PAUL: About our favorite color. Mine is blue like Ringo's eyes.

RINGO: They are so beautiful, aren't they?

JOHN: Yeah, you have a horrible nose, son… But at least your eyes are pretty. Not as pretty as Paul's though.

RINGO: My eyes are prettier than Paul's!

GEORGE: Yeah, Ritchie has the prettiest eyes of us all.

JOHN: Don't listen to them, Paulie. Your eyes are prettier.

GEORGE: No! Ringo's eyes are the prettiest!

JOHN: Paul's!

GEORGE: Ringo's!

JOHN: Paul's!

GEORGE: Ringo's!

JOHN: I won't keep arguing with you. I'm right.

GEORGE: So, you give up?

JOHN: I'm not giving up. I'm just saying I'm right and there's no point in arguing with you.

GEORGE: Ringo's eyes are prettier, and he's cuter than Paul and funnier than you.

PAUL: Excuse me? _No one _is cuter than me!

JOHN: Or funnier than me!

INTERVIEWER: You're all funny, cute and have pretty eyes, okay? Now shut up and answer the question.

JOHN: How can we answer if we shut up? We can't break the laws of physics…

RINGO: My favorite color is red like the tomatoes I'm going to eat along with the hamburger today.

GEORGE: And my favorite color is purple like… like… what's purple?

PAUL: Like the tie John bought me yesterday.

RINGO: You bought him a purple tie?

JOHN: Yeah. I felt like it.

PAUL: _Because he loves me, and you know that can't be bad…_

JOHN: You should give something to Rings, Geo.

GEORGE: Yeah. What do you want, Ritchie?

JOHN: A nose job would be a good idea!

PAUL: It's not a good idea, Johnny. If he fixes his nose you won't be able to make fun about it again.

GEORGE: And you have to proud of your nose, Ritchie! Be like Barbra Streisand!

JOHN: Barbra… She sings like an angel but her nose is a mess. Not as ugly as Ringo's of course.

GEORGE: Everyone told Barbra that if she wanted to be famous she needed to fix his nose, but she didn't pay attention to anyone, and now she is a famous and a super talented actress and singer.

JOHN: Not as famous as us.

RINGO: And not arrogant like you!

INTERVIEWER: Enough. Talk about your relation with the Rolling Stones.

PAUL: We're friends. They're cool and we like to chat and play music.

JOHN: Of course there's always going to be a little rivalry between us.

GEORGE: A friendly one, of course.

RINGO: And tonight we're playing poker together!

JOHN: Who invited you?

GEORGE: Stop bothering him!

JOHN: He's the one bothering me!

GEORGE: He hasn't done anything to you!

JOHN: His ugly nose perturbs my view.

RINGO: SHUT THE FUCK UP JOHN WINSTON LENNON!

PAUL: Calm down…

RINGO: NO I WON'T CALM DOWN UNLESS YOU MAKE YOUR STUPID BOYFRIEND SHUT HIS MOUTH.

PAUL: Alright, I'll shut him up… _Close your eyes and I'll kiss you…_

GEORGE: No! We don't want to see that!

RINGO: Like if we haven't seen enough…

PAUL: _Tomorrow I'll miss you, remember I'll always be true…_

JOHN: _And then while I'm away I'll write home every day, and I'll send all my loving to you…_

PAUL: _I'll pretend that I'm kissing the lips I am missing and hope that my dreams will come true…_

JOHN: _And then while I'm away I'll write home every day and I'll send all my loving to you…_

GEORGE: As soon as those two begin singing together, they forget about the rest of the world.

JOHN: I'm sorry Ritchie!

RINGO: It's okay, Lennie.

PAUL: I love you all, guys!

JOHN: Especially moi!

PAUL: Especially you!

GEORGE: I love you too! Especially Ringsy, of course.

RINGO: Awwww, we rule!

JOHN: We are fucking awesome!

PAUL: Everyone loves us!

INTERVIEWER: You have fed your ego enough for the night.

RINGO: So, this is over?

INTERVIEWER: Yes. Say bye bye!

GEORGE: HAMBURGER TIME!

PAUL: AND POKER!

JOHN: WITH THE ROLLING STONES!

GEORGE: Goodbye for today! Wish me luck playing!

RINGO: And remember I'm NOT Jewish!

_**A/N Thank you for reading! Remember you can send all the questions for the Beatles and suggestions you want.**_

_**Songs used and mentioned: 'I wanna be your man', 'She loves you', 'All my loving'.**_

_**Disclaimer: I don't own the Beatles, the Rolling Stones or Barbra Streisand, and this interview never happened and was created by me.**_

_****__**Edit: I fixed the mistake with the Rolling Stones lineup. Thank you 'Cassiemania'.**_


	8. The 'F' word

**_A/N Thank you so much for all your reviews! _**

INTERVIEWER: Hello, everyone!

GEORGE: THE BEATLES ARE HERE, PEOPLE!

INTERVIEWER: Indeed they are! And guess what? We have a surprise for them in this interview too!

JOHN: You finally brought Elvis?

INTERVIEWER: No… Better!

JOHN: Who's better than Elvis? Aside from this genius here, obviously…

MIMI: The woman who fed and gave the 'genius' a good spank in the arse every time the little boy decided to act with his unbearable cockiness, maybe?

JOHN: MIMI!?

MIMI: Hello John.

JOHN: MIMI!?

MIMI: It's nice to see you too.

JOHN: MIMI!?

PAUL: Hello Mrs. Smith… It's been a long time…

MIMI: JOHN! I wanted to talk about you about your inappropriate behavior with James!

GEORGE: Yes! Call him James again!

RINGO: Because you know he _loves _being called like that. Right, James?

MIMI: YOU HAVE A SON AND A WIFE! HOW CAN YOU FORGET ABOUT THAT AND ADMIT TO THE PUBLIC ABOUT YOUR GAYNESS? I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN! I ALWAYS THOUGHT IT WAS A BAD IDEA FOR HIM TO STAY THE NIGHT IN OUR HOUSE! AREN'T YOU ASHAMED? WHAT WOULD JULIAN THINK ABOUT HIS FATHER HAVING AN AFFAIR WITH ANOTHER MAN WHILE BEING MARRIED?!

PAUL: Holy fuck… Did she actually buy it?

MIMI: BUY WHAT? NO, I HAVEN'T BOUGHT ANY OF YOUR RECORDS YET. AND DON'T CHANGE THE SUBJECT.

JOHN: What Pau― I mean, James ― is trying to tell you, is that we're not queer. We just joke about it, because we're idiots and it's fun…

MIMI: I DON'T SEE ANY FUN IN IT!

INTERVIEWER: Quite a way to start the interview! Anyway, why don't you relax a little and talk about your poker session with the Stones you were planning the last time I interviewed you?

RINGO: It was so fun! I almost won!

MIMI: WAIT, DID YOU ACTUALLY PLAY POKER?! JOHN WINSTON LENNON, HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO TELL YOU THAT I DON'T LIKE YOU TO BE INVOLVED IN THOSE KIND OF GAMES?!

JOHN: I didn't play Mimi! I told them that it was a bad idea and they didn't listen to me… So I just went down to the living room and took a nap while those fuckers played.

GEORGE: You _surely _took a v_ery good _nap AFTER our session of poker… I mean, with all the alcohol you took…

RINGO: And _he _was the actual winner of the game, and seemed quite joyful when he earned his winning gift.

MIMI: ARE THEY SPEAKING THE TRUTH, JOHN WINSTON?!

JOHN: They aren't! Don't listen to them Mimi! They're mean and they want you to punish me…

PAUL: Awww… The poor 11-year-old schoolboy is afraid of his auntie punishing him…

RINGO: And _John _was the most enthusiastic of us all…

GEORGE: And even more when he got to strip Paul as a reward…

PAUL: But he knows he can do it _anytime _he wants…

MIMI: YOU AND I! WE'RE HAVING A SERIOUS CONVERSATION WHEN THIS THING IS OVER!

JOHN: But Mimi!

MIMI: I DON'T WANT TO HEAR ANY OF THESE! AND IN SOME PAST INTERVIEW YOU SAID YOU LOST YOUR VIRGINITY WHEN YOU WERE THIRTEEN. THIRTEEN?! THIRTEEN?! HOW IS THAT POSSIBLE?! YOU TOLD ME CYNTHIA WAS YOUR FIRST!

RINGO: There's a _whole lot _of things John hasn't told you Mimi…

PAUL: Like all the times John and I did _it _in the same graveyard where your innocent nephew had it off for the first time.

GEORGE: They actually did _it inside _the Anglican Church where they met a few times…

PAUL: Yeah… Like nine or ten times…

JOHN: What the fuck?! Don't listen to them, Mimi! They are mean bastards!

MIMI: WE'LL TALK ABOUT IT LATER, JOHN WINSTON.

PAUL: And don't use his middle name. He only likes when I use it when I'm about to _come._

JOHN: Shut the fuck up, Paul! Shut up! Shut up! I fucking hate you all!

MIMI: NOW YOU SAY YOU HATE ME?!

RINGO: This is going to be a fun night.

JOHN: No, not you! I was saying it to those childish bastards!

INTERVIEWER: Okay! That was…. Interesting? Anyway, let's start… Tell us about John's grades in school, Mrs. Smith.

GEORGE: Yeah, tell them how you where the _best _student of the class and how respectful you were to all your teachers…

PAUL: John _loved _school; he _never _skipped one single class.

MIMI: Even though I'm old, I understand the sarcasm. But yes, John hated school. He never did his homework. His grades were awful. He was disrespectful to his teachers. He skipped class!

JOHN: School wasn't for me!

MIMI: BUT YOU COULD HAVE TRIED HARDER!

RINGO: She's right son…

JOHN: YOU SHUT UP RICHARD! YOU LEFT SCHOOL AT THIRTEEN, FOR FUCK'S SAKE!

PAUL: I was a good student! But John was a very bad influence on me, he was like: _'Skip class with me, let's go to Strawberry Field and then we can listen some records, and then you can teach me some chords, and then we can look for some birds…'_

GEORGE: I was the average student!

JOHN: Fuck, why do we have to talk about school? Gee…

MIMI: STOP USING THE 'F' WORD!

JOHN: Fu― I mean… Fornication!

PAUL: And you seriously think that's a better word?

JOHN: School sucks. I have always known I wanted to be an artist, and teachers were so close-minded! I liked literature because I have always loved to write, but there was a problem with a certain bloke called William Shakespeare! I hate Shakespeare and everything the teacher gave us to read was Shakespeare! I don't know if I hate him because of school, or because it doesn't mean anything to me.

GEORGE: Man, you can't call Shakespeare a _'bloke' _in front of all these people.

JOHN: Anyway Beatle people… Don't forget to buy _'In His Own Write', _written by me! The one and only John Lennon!

INTERVIEWER: …Next question… Something easy! What did you do yesterday?

RINGO: We did a concert in New York!

GEORGE: It was actually Washington…

RINGO: I'm sure we were in New York!

GEORGE: IT WAS WASHINGTON!

INTERVIEWER: Nevermind! Let's take advantage of the fact that John's aunt is here! So please lady, if you could tell us something more about John's childhood…

JOHN: They don't need to know about my childhood!

MIMI: Why not, John? I think that's a great idea. He was very stubborn, and every hour of every day when he was in the house and not mocking around outside, everything you could hear in the house was Elvis.

JOHN: I just couldn't understand how it is possible that you didn't like him! I still don't understand…

PAUL: John and I loved to hear Elvis records in his bedroom. Well, not only Elvis… Also Buddy Holly, Little Richard, Eddie Cochran… It's a lovely memory. We've always been so close.

RINGO: _Too _close, in my opinion.

MIMI: I have to admit it was lovely, indeed… Paul was a very kind boy.

INTERVIEWER: Is there any other lovely childhood memory you can share?

GEORGE: When John was in art college, Paul and I were still in grammar school, and he always wanted to go with us to clubs and places for people above 18 or 21 years old.

JOHN: If Paul and George look baby-faced right now… Imagine them at 16 years old… They looked like 9 year-old blokes! And their childish attitude, perfectly combed hair and boyish clothes didn't help at all. So I had to do some changes in their image, attitude…and fake IDs. It was fun, because I was the older one, and I was showing them something completely different from what they knew.

RINGO: Years later I joined the Beatles and became the older one…

PAUL: John was enchanted by me, totally in love with a boy younger than him, and they needed me in the band… But it was difficult to get George to join.

GEORGE: John thought I was too young. I was 14 at that time and I was Paul's friend. I suppose John was jealous of the other friends of Paul and wanted to keep an eye on all of them and that's why I joined. Well, not really… He kind of realised that I played the guitar better than him and the other blokes in the band.

JOHN: Imagine me being 17 years old hanging out with a 14 year old boy…

GEORGE: The first time I really impressed him was when I came with Paul to visit him at college and I flirted with a bird there, and the girl was obviously older than me and seemed to be really into me.

MIMI: Keep talking and pretend that I'm not here.

JOHN: That's exactly what we were doing!

MIMI: JOHN WINSTON! I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU! I DIDN'T KNOW YOU MADE FAKE IDs FOR YOUR FRIENDS!

JOHN: I made them a favor! I got them to hang out with an older and cool guy ―A.K.A me.

MIMI: YES, I'M SURE THEY ARE SO GRATEFUL!

GEORGE AND PAUL: We are!

MIMI: I WAS USING SARCASM!

JOHN: Don't! I love you, auntie… But it doesn't fit you…

MIMI: AND YOUR INAPROPIATE BEHAVIOR DOESN'T FIT _YOU _EITHER!

JOHN: I'm not so sure about it… What do you think Jamesy?

PAUL: Keep calling me _James _and you won't get the answer you want.

JOHN: But I didn't call you _James!_ It's _Jamesy, _a new nickname for you that only _I _can use.

RINGO: You heard that, Geo?

GEORGE: Yes! Jamesy will be the new Paulie!

JOHN: ONLY _I _CAN CALL HIM JAMESY! I MADE IT UP!

PAUL: BUT I LIKE WHEN YOU CALL ME PAULIE!

GEORGE: You used to complain about it…

PAUL: But I like it. It's either _'Macca' _or _'Paulie'_

INTERVIEWER: You're going to give me a headache!

MIMI: I agree!

INTERVIEWER: No more childhood memories!

PAUL: Why not? I want to keep telling you more things about the graveyard where Winny lost his virginity.

JOHN: Now who the fornication is Winny?

PAUL: You, my friend. If I have to be Jamesy, you have to be Winny.

RINGO: I like it! You're a genius, James!

PAUL: Fornication! Fornication! Fornication!

JOHN: You'll have that later, honey. Wait a little.

MIMI: JOHN!

JOHN: I was just joking!

GEORGE: I'm sure he wasn't.

RINGO: I don't like the new 'F' word…

PAUL: Fornication?

RINGO: Yeah. It's hard to spell it and it's long. The 'F' word is supposed to be short.

JOHN: Too bad for you.

INTERVIEWER: Just complete the phrase. John Lennon is…

JOHN: …A GENIUS!

GEORGE: …A BEATLE!

MIMI: …My nephew.

RINGO: …A cocky bastard.

PAUL: …John? He's all upfront. You never see _John. _Only through a few chinks in his armour I can see him, because the armour is so tough. On the surface he is tough, tough tough. Unfortunately, I think the world has to have a false impression of John. John is a really nice guy ― covering up. He won't dare let you see his nice side. So it is always _rock 'n roll… _till you catch him in the right moment.

INTERVIEWER: Wow… I wasn't expecting…

JOHN: I LOVE YOU, PAULIE!

PAUL: I love you more!

JOHN: No! I love you more!

PAUL: You don't! I love you much more!

GEORGE: With all the pain from my heart, Mrs. Smith… I think there's nothing we can do here…

RINGO: Just let them be…

MIMI: I guess I can't do anything…

JOHN: I promise I will invite you to our wedding!

MIMI: Well, I hope… Since you didn't even had the decency of speaking of your wedding with Cynthia…

JOHN: …Oh… Sorry about that…

INTERVIEWER: Why don't you share another thing about―

RINGO: John's childhood? No! I wasn't there! I joined the band in 1962. Why don't you ask something more recent? Or something about my childhood!

INTERVIEWER: Okay! Talk about the Australian tour where you got sick and Jimmy Nicol did the drumming.

RINGO: It was very strange, them going off without me. They'd taken Jimmy Nicol and I thought they didn't love me anymore ― all that stuff came through my head.

JOHN: Drama queen.

GEORGE: Ignoring John's comment… Of course, with all respect to Jimmy, we shouldn't have done it. The point is, that we are the Fabs! Can you imagine the Rolling Stones going on tour: '_Oh sorry, Mick can't come.' ― 'All right, we'll just send somebody else to replace him for two weeks.' _It was silly and I couldn't understand it.

MIMI: It was silly, indeed! Why would you do that to the gentleman here?

PAUL: We nearly didn't do the Australia tour.

GEORGE: I'm a very loyal person, and I said, _'If Ringo's not part of the group, it's not The Beatles. I don't see why we should do it, and I'm not going to do it.' _

JOHN: It took all of Brian's and Martin's persuasion to tell George that if we didn't go we were letting everybody down.

GEORGE: But we let Rings down!

MIMI: Did you at least apologize?

JOHN: We did!

PAUL: And we also bought him presents to make it up!

MIMI: Aren't you the one who sings that _money can't buy love_?

JOHN: Leave my boyfriend alone, auntie!

MIMI: Oh dear God…

INTERVIEW: I don't want another polemic starting here, so let's say goodbye!

PAUL: We didn't sing in this interview…

JOHN: We'll sing the next time!

GEORGE: Oh, and Ringo? IT WAS WASHINGTON!

RINGO: NEW YORK!

GEORGE: WASHINGTON!

JOHN: Shut the fornication up!

INTERVIEWER: Well… Bye bye!

MIMI: THIS IS OVER?! NOW WE CAN FINALLY HAVE OUR TALK, JOHN WINSTON…!

_**A/N Thank you to 'Sarah' and 'Brookieelicious'. Your reviews about adding Mimi in the interview inspired me to write this one.**_

_**In case you're wondering, John Lennon actually said in real life that he hated Shakespeare. I didn't invent it. And the thing about Jimmy Nicol being the drummer in the Australian Beatles tour in 1964 because Ringo was sick is true too.**_

_**P.S. I would really appreciate if you send 'fan letters' to the Beatles, because I kind of want to write one chapter about them replying the letters! **_


	9. Fan letters

**_A/N Well... It's been more than a month since my last update. I said this one contained fan letters, so thank you for sending them. I didn't change anything in what you wrote._**

INTERVIEWER: This is the ninth time I interview the Beatles! I'm lucky, aren't I?

JOHN: I know it's a pleasure for you to interview us.

INTERVIEWER: And it's a pleasure for you to be interviewed by me?

JOHN: Nope.

PAUL: Giving John pleasure is my business.

JOHN: Only yours, Macca!

PAUL: Like yesterday when we were in our hotel bedroom and―

GEORGE: Ringo and I don't want to hear the rest, just for you to know.

RINGO: I want to!

JOHN: See? Ringo wants to!

GEORGE: But I don't!

PAUL: You do, Georgie... You do...

INTERVIEWER: This interview is going to be a bit different!

JOHN: I don't want any other of your "surprises". They always end up with someone yelling at me.

RINGO: Well, you always deserve it, son.

JOHN: No one deserves being yelled at!

GEORGE: No one, but you!

INTERVIEWER: As I was saying, in this interview you are all going to answer fan letters!

PAUL: I love fan letters!

RINGO: Yeah, 'cause they are all for you!

JOHN: That's a lie, son! Half of them are for me!

PAUL: And the other half for moi!

INTERVIEWER: Well, the first letter is for our favorite drummer!

JOHN: Our? Ringo isn't my favorite drummer.

RINGO: You aren't my favorite singer either, Lennon!

PAUL: I am!

GEORGE: Shut up!

JOHN: My last name sounds sexy, don't you think?

PAUL: Sounds sexier when I say it.

JOHN:_ Everything_sounds sexier when you say it!

RINGO: Shut up! I want to read my fan letter!

JOHN: Do you even know how to read?

GEORGE: Do you even know how to talk without being an ass?

JOHN: Dunno.

INTERVIEWER: First letter! _Dear Ringo,__  
__I'm honestly your biggest fan. Out of all of the Beatles, you're my favourite. Whenever I hear your voice or see your face, my entire world lights up. I love you so, so much. - Brooke._

RINGO: You see? I'm someone's favorite Beatle!

JOHN: Yeah, I imagine they love all the songs you wrote for our new LP.

GEORGE: Shut up, John!

JOHN: Why does everyone keep telling me to shut up?

GEORGE: Because you should!

RINGO: Ignoring John's comment _again_, thank you so much Brooke, I'm really flattered. You're so sweet!

JOHN: But you're exaggerating, Brooke... Is really Ringo's voice what you hear when your world lights up? You sure it isn't mine?

PAUL: Or mine?

JOHN: Or my voice along with Paul's?

GEORGE: Why can't you be nice with Rings like you are with Paul?

JOHN: Isn't it obvious, Geo? Haven't you seen Paul's ass?

PAUL: Really, John?

GEORGE: Well, it's definitely nicer tan Ringo's, but that's not the point...

RINGO: Why are we talking about Paul's ass?

PAUL: Because it's nice!

INTERVIEWER: Second letter is for George!

_Dear George,__You are extremely talented in guitar and the looks-department. Do you have an interest in ducks or playing My Little Pony? Why is John a **? Is Paul a girl in disguise? How is Ringo not a Jew? Anyway, I love you and you're my idol. So kudos to you and Ringo's wedding.__-Anachiolo__P.S I'm the red-head with the brown eyes who's on the balcony of the interviewing station. There's too many damn blondes ready to fornicate you!_

GEORGE: Thank you for the letter, Anachiolo! I can't wait to answer your questions!

PAUL: You can skip mine.

JOHN: And mine.

GEORGE: Well, first of all... I think ducks are cute, they remind me of Ringo.

RINGO: How on Earth a duck reminds you of me?

GEORGE: They're silly and little like you.

JOHN: And a duck's beak can remind anyone of your nose.

RINGO: You're never going to stop joking about my nose?

GEORGE: And ponies... They remind me of Paul, which yes, he, or should I say _she, _is a girl.

PAUL: I'm not a girl! Girls don't have the thing I have above.

RINGO: You sure you have one?

PAUL: I do! Tell them, John!

JOHN: I can accurately say Paul's right.

RINGO: Maybe that's why John loves to fuck Paul so much; because he is a girl.

JOHN: That's not funny.

RINGO: Your jokes about my nose aren't funny either.

GEORGE: And well... Ringo's Jew indeed!

RINGO: The fuck?! Again?!

PAUL: If I have to be a girl, you have to be a Jew.

RINGO: But I don't want to be a Jew!

PAUL: And I don't want to be a girl!

GEORGE: Oh! I forgot the question about John!

JOHN: No, you didn't!

GEORGE: John is a ** because he is a fucking egocentric cocky bastard who makes sick jokes about everyone and doesn't consider anyone else's feelings!

JOHN: Couldn't have said it better!

GEORGE: Many damn blondes ready to fornicate me? Sounds tempting... But I have my own Jewish little guy here. We're getting married soon and I don't want to cheat on him.

JOHN: Paul and I are going to get married sooner!

PAUL: And our wedding is going to be way more amazing!

RINGO: I wouldn't be so sure about it...

JOHN: You and George don't share the passionate love Paul and I have.

INTERVIEWER: Lovely… Not really… Anyway, third letter!

_Hiya! I really love you guys and I think the whole thing between John and Paul is really funny, (you too Ringo and George) have your wives/girlfriends done anything really really serious about it? haha i hope not,you are all so funny! Please continue doing these interviews! Love you guys, bye-bye now!_

_-anonymous Beatles lover_

_(p.s George right now i am eating a waffle and you can't have it HA!)_

JOHN: _She loves us, yeah, yeah, yeah!_

RINGO: Thank you for the letter, dear!

JOHN: My thing with Paul? We're perfect for each other, and of course everyone is jealous of our relationship. Cyn and Jane made a plan for us not sharing rooms anymore, but they really can't do anything to stop us.

PAUL: Of course they know we're joking but they still get a little jealous.

JOHN: WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY JOKING? YOU'RE SAYING OUR THING IS LIE?

PAUL: Ummm, yes?

JOHN: DON'T EVER TALK TO ME AGAIN, JAMES PAUL McCARTNEY!

GEORGE: See? My thing with Ringo is real stuff.

PAUL: I was joking when I said I was joking about our thing! It's real love!

JOHN: I'm not going to talk to you.

RINGO: You're talking to him, John.

JOHN: Damn it!

GEORGE: And we know this is going to end with you singing to each other happily, so say you love each other and blah blah blah, because that girl made me hungry. I WANT WAFFLES! NOT ONE, BUT FIFTEEN! AND YOU ARE MEAN BECAUSE YOU SHOULD SHARE WITH GEORGIE!

PAUL: I'm sorry, love!

JOHN: Don't call me like that! I'm not your love anymore!

PAUL: But Johnny!

GEORGE: Oh my fuck what's happening here?!

JOHN: I don't want to marry you anymore!

PAUL: But what about our rock and roll wedding?

JOHN: It's over!

PAUL: No!

RINGO: End this interview right now! I demand it!

INTERVIEWER: But the time isn't up yet!

RINGO: I don't care! I'm going to slap these two on the face if they keep foolishing!

PAUL: I love you madly, John…

JOHN: But you threat me badly…

PAUL: I don't! Every little thing I do, I do for you…

GEORGE: Oh my God, I'm going to puke right now, shut up!

PAUL: Not until John forgives me!

RINGO: Fucking forgive him, you bloody idiot!

JOHN: _He's _the idiot!

GEORGE: Well, stop this game! I'm out of these! I'm back to the hotel to order my fifteen waffles! Hola!

JOHN: _Hola _what?

GEORGE: That's '_goodbye_'in Spanish. See? I know something you don't.

JOHN: _Hola _means _hello, _you smart-ass. _Adiós _is _goodbye._

GEORGE: Well, I don't care! GOODBYE! YES, ENGLISH LANGUAGE, I DON'T CARE, I'M FUCKING SICK OF YOU TWO, I'M FUCKING SICK BECAUSE I HAVEN'T EATEN ANYTHING IN HOURS, OH MY GOD, I'M GOING TO FAINT! FUCK, FUCKITY FUCK, FORNICATION!

PAUL: What the hell just happened?

JOHN: Did he just leave?

RINGO: Yeah…He needs food to think with clarity. And we haven't had breakfast or lunch…

PAUL: That reminds me of something!

RINGO: What?

PAUL: I'M HUNGRY TOO!

JOHN: AND THAT BASTARD IS GOING TO ORDER FIFTEEN WAFFLES AND IS GOING TO EAT THEM BY HIMSELF? I DON'T THINK SO.

RINGO: LET'S RUN TO THE HOTEL, THEN!

PAUL: YES!

JOHN: Do you still think our relationship is a joke, Paul?

PAUL: No! Never!

JOHN: So you love me?

PAUL: Madly.

JOHN: Good. Now let's go to steal George those waffles.

PAUL: Are we still getting married?

JOHN: I'm not so sure…

RINGO: JOHN WINSTON LENNON!

JOHN: I was just joking, Paulie!

PAUL: JOKING?! ARE YOU SAYING OUR LOVE IS JUST A LIE!?

RINGO: Oh my God, not again! Where's George?

JOHN: THAT FUCKER IS PROBABLY EATING WAFFLES RIGHT NOW!

RINGO: THEN WHAT ARE WE WAITING FOR?

PAUL: RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!

INTERVIEWER: And _that _is the reason why you shouldn't get involved in drugs, kids. See you!

GEORGE: Hello! I'm back!

INTERVIEWER: George, what are you doing here?

GEORGE: Looking for the others!

INTERVIEWER: They left!

GEORGE: What?!

INTERVIEWER: They wanted to join you and your waffles because you left earlier…

GEORGE: SHIT. I SHOULD RUN. FAST. NOW. BYE EVERYONE!

INTERVIEWER: Follow my advice, children!

_**A/N This is probably the WORST interview of them all. So sorry for that. I don't even know if this one is funny... Oh well, thank you for reading. And you can still send more questions or fan letters (:**_


	10. Jealous

_**A/N: I know it's been a long time since I don't post an interview. I don't even know if this one is funny, but anyways, enjoy!**_

* * *

Q: 10th time! 10th time I interview the―

GEORGE: BEATLES!

Q: Thanks to these guys I could buy a brand new red Ferrari!

PAUL: Why do you have a Ferrari and I don't?

JOHN: She's rich and we aren't, Paulie.

RINGO: We don't know where the hell the money we earn goes.

GEORGE: To the taxman! They tax your feet!

JOHN: And the Queen of England!

RINGO: And Eppy!

PAUL: And this lady that's interviewing us!

JOHN: To everyone except us!

Q: I'm sure you have enough money, boys… Now, why don't we start the interview? Then you will answer some fan-letters!

PAUL: I want to answer the fan-letters now!

Q: Wait…

JOHN: _Oh yeah, wait a minute Mister Postman…_

GEORGE: _Wait, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, Mister Postman…_

RINGO: _Mister Postman, look and see, is there a letter in your back for me?_

Q: Stop singing!

JOHN: And who are you to tell the Beatles to stop singing?

PAUL: Anyone could die to hear us sing live and you don't take this opportunity…

JOHN: Shame on her.

Q: That's right boys, shame on me.

JOHN: Yes, shame on you, because we have just gotten out off a plane, and now we have to answer stupid questions instead of sleeping!

PAUL: Or peeing! They didn't even let me pee! I literally peed my pants in the plane thanks to Mister Lennon! I NEED A BATHROOM, PLEASE!

GEORGE: Why didn't you use the restroom in the plane?

RINGO: Too untidy for princess Paulie?

PAUL: Well yes, but no! John Fucking Stupid Lennon fell asleep on my lap the entire trip!

GEORGE: Why didn't you just wake him up?

PAUL: I just couldn't! He looked so bloody adorable… Damn you, Lennon!

JOHN: I'm adorable.

RINGO: No.

JOHN: Yes!

GEORGE: No.

PAUL: Yes!

JOHN: No.

PAUL: Wait, what?

RINGO: No freaking idea…

PAUL: Well, the point is that while he was peacefully sleeping and snoring like an animal, my bladder was begging to release.

GEORGE: BLADDER? OH MY SWEET LORD, WHAT? ARE YOU REALLY A WOMAN?

PAUL: No! Every human being has a bladder!

GEORGE: Well, I don't have!

RINGO: I don't have one either!

GEORGE: Bladders are for women, like penises are for men.

PAUL: Please shut up…

JOHN: How did we end up talking about bladders? Weren't we talking about how adorable I look while I'm asleep?

RINGO: Paul is exaggerating… You are_ anything _but adorable, and when you sleep you look like you just drank a dozen bottles of alcohol, which sometimes you do, and you fucking snore like a bloody bear!

GEORGE: Yeah, you're right, Rings. I think the only one of us that looks adorable no matter what is―

PAUL: Me?

GEORGE: Yeah, who else?

JOHN: Hell, even _I _have to say that's completely true. I'm not adorable at all… I think the real reason Macca didn't wake me up was because I didn't react too good the last time someone woke me up…

RINGO: Which was this morning…

GEORGE: Brian was trying to wake him up and John shouted "WHAAAAAAAAAAAA!" in shock and then hit the poor guy…

JOHN: It was an accident! But yeah… I don't like when people wake me up.

Q: OK boys, thank you very much for all of that… Now I have to―

PAUL: Ask us things?

Q: Yeah.

PAUL: Why don't we skip that part and answer the fan-letters instead?

Q: Not yet!

PAUL: Why not?

Q: I am the one that does the questions here! Now please answer: do you have any siblings?

RINGO: Yes! I have three childish brothers!

Q: Lovely! What are their names?

RINGO: Paul, George and John!

GEORGE: I am not your brother, Rings!

RINGO: Why not?

GEORGE: Because I can't marry you if you are!

RINGO: Ahh… true… I forgot we are engaged…

JOHN: Paul and I aren't engaged anymore.

GEORGE: Oh my! Why's that?

RINGO: Did you finally break up?

PAUL: No! Because we got married yesterday!

GEORGE: YOU GOT MARRIED AND DIDN'T INVITE US TO THE WEDDING?!

RINGO: WE'RE SO MAD WITH YOU!

JOHN: Well sorry, we were alone and didn't know where the hell you were, so we thought: why don't we get married?

GEORGE: We are not going to talk to you two anymore.

PAUL: Why are you so upset?

RINGO: Yeah, why are we, Geo? They didn't even get married.

JOHN: We did!

RINGO: Yeah? So you divorced Cyn?

JOHN: Ye… I mean… no…

GEORGE: Then what's that wedding you are talking about? It's still illegal for queers to marry! Even homosexuality is illegal!

PAUL: Shut up! You and Ringo aren't getting married either!

RINGO: That's because it's a joke, princess Paulie!

PAUL: Everything in these interviews is a joke, all right?! Now can we finish this quick, please? I still need to use the bathroom!

GEORGE: Didn't you say you peed your pants?

RINGO: Is that why I can smell something funny?

PAUL: Just shut up and let me pee please! I'm going to cry!

GEORGE: Cry baby cry…

Q: I'm with McCartney. Can you answer, please?

RINGO: Answer what?

Q: What I asked!

RINGO: And what did you ask?

Q: If you have any siblings!

RINGO: Ah, right. As I was saying… I have Macca and Lennie, and a gorgeous fiancée called George. But apart from that I am sadly an only child.

JOHN: I have two younger sisters, Julia and Jacqui. I love them; they are very nice and sweet.

Q: Daughters of your mother and father?

JOHN: No, just mom…

Q: Would you like to share a little bit more about it?

PAUL: No, he doesn't. That's personal stuff, OK? Let's move on. I have a brother called Mike. He's two years younger.

JOHN: He used to cover us whenever Macca sneaked to my house or I sneaked to his.

PAUL: Ah… those old times…

GEORGE: I am the youngest of four children.

Q: Nice! Now another question!

PAUL: I don't want to answer more questions! I need to urinate!

JOHN: Go find a bloody restroom for fuck's sake!

Q: He can't go until the interview is over!

PAUL: And why's that?

Q: You just can't!

RINGO: I think I kind of want to piss too…

Q: Ugh! You are impossible! I only asked you one question and you want to go already…

JOHN: If you'd have 15% of the pressure we have, you would surely want to sleep too.

Q: Just answer a couple of fan letters, yeah?

PAUL: Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

Q: First one!

"_Dear George and Ringo,_

_You two are my absolute fave of the four ˂3_

_I think Ringo is the most beautiful, precious creature on this earth, and George is a damn gorgeous, soulful man. So I'd like to know, what do the of you think about goth birds? 'Cause this one would love to take the both of you on a date, maybe like a picnic in the cemetery, just the three of us?_

_Whaddya say, luvs?_

_Yours cruely,_

_Lyss, Princess of the Dark"_

PAUL: Goth birds? Yeah, why not?

GEORGE: Hey! The letter was Rings and I!

JOHN: I bet Ringo doesn't even know what the word "goth" means.

RINGO: I do! And thank you very much, Lyss. I can't believe someone thinks I am the most beautiful and precious creature on earth.

JOHN: But you are not! Paul is!

GEORGE: But we're not talking about Paul! Accept the fact that Rings and I have the same amount, or perhaps more fangirls that you and Paul.

RINGO: Just ignore 'em, Geo… A double date? That would be interesting!

Q: So is that a yes?

GEORGE: Yeah! I like cemeteries… John, Paul and I used to hang around a lot in the cemetery of the Church where―

PAUL: Where John and I met!

RINGO: July 6 of 1957, we know! Stop repeating it all the time!

GEORGE: So it's a yes. But you better bring a lot of food in that picnic basket, Lyss!

Q: Good! Now another one!

"_Dear Beatles,__  
__I absolutely 3 you guys and Paul I am so mad at you you are mine and mine only. No more hotel rooms with John. George if your so hungry at the interviews bring food with you. Now James Paul McCartney I'm going to take you home and talk to you about this affair with John and Jane. Again I soooooo in love with you guys!3__  
__All my loving,__  
__Meg"_

PAUL: Aw, sweetie, you're cute.

JOHN: Yes Meg, you're cute, but nothing will stop Paul and me to share hotel rooms.

GEORGE: She's a genius! Why haven't I thought of bringing food with me?

RINGO: Thank you for the letter!

Q: You're behaving! And we have another fan letter, so let's read it!

"_Hi, Ringo! It's Brooke again, this is my second fan-letter to you guys!__  
__Paul, you're very pretty. John, you're a bastard but a fantastic one. George, you're just adorable.__  
__But Ringo... you're amazing. You have the most amazing blue eyes, your nose is extremely cute, and you have such a great singing voice no matter what anyone tells you. Don't listen to the boys when they tease you, they're just jealous because you're the sexiest man alive."_

JOHN: Jealous of Ringo? Oh my God… the world will end the day I feel jealous of him.

RINGO: Stop teasing me, John! And yes, you're jealous because I'm sexier than any of you!

PAUL: Sexier than me? No freaking way.

GEORGE: Poor guy… Let him win at least once in a while…

RINGO: Thank you so much for your letter! I am so grateful, Brooke! I really appreciate that you actually like my nose… No one has ever told me that.

JOHN: That's because your nose is ugly as hell!

RINGO: It is not! Now I see you're just jealous!

GEORGE: Well his nose is ugly but this girl seems to like it. What's the problem? Now, what you can't deny is that Ringo's eyes are truly beautiful…

PAUL: But mines are still bigger!

RINGO: But they're not blue!

JOHN: She also said I'm a fantastic bastard. I like how it sounds!

GEORGE: And she said I'm adorable. Thank you dear!

PAUL: And I know I'm very pretty, but it's nice to hear it anyway.

RINGO: I love your fan-letters Brooke! I'm officially a fan of yours now!

Q: OK, no more fan-letters for this interview!

JOHN: So this over, and that means Paul can―

PAUL: FINALLY PEE!

GEORGE: Bye bye Beatle people! Remember to not take these interviews so seriously.

RINGO: We love you, fangirls!

* * *

**A/N: Thank you for sending the fan letters, I didn't change anything and I posted them exactly as you wrote them. **_**  
**_

**I'm still open for suggestions/questions/fan-letters.**


	11. Lesbians

_**AN: Hey! First of all I wanted to thank you all for your support. It makes me happy to know someone likes the silly things I write whenever I'm bored. Thank you for reviewing and sending your letters, I really appreciate it.**_

_** I hope you enjoy this interview, I also hope it's not too boring!**_

* * *

Q: Hello, dearest Beatles!

GEORGE: Hello, dearest interviewer!

RINGO: Oh my, how kind of you, Sir.

Q: I have great news for you!

JOHN: Is this just a joke and I'm going to be able to go back to the hotel room?

Q: No! I have received many fan letters, so instead of the usual questions, you're only going to answer fan letters today. How does that sound?

PAUL: Oh, marvelous!

Q: Let's get started, then!

"_Dear John, congrats on the wedding to Paul! I hope you two are happy together __ P.s Your smile is so cute! Try and do it as much as you can :-*_

_Dear Paul, You may look like a girl, but you do a very good job at it. I like feminine guys who are masculine at the same time, don't ask why, they just appeal to me more :-* P.S. When you smile, you look like a cute chipmunk, and it makes my heart warm up everytime, same when you try to sing like Little Richard :-*_

_Dear George, I love you and your shyness, you being the 'Quiet Beatle' has to be the cutest thing ever! ;) P.S. I love your guitar playing!_

_Dear Ringo, your dancing is just amazing! I've tried to dance like you with my best friend Jade at parties and discos, but we can never do it as good as you! Rock on, Ringo! P.S. Love your nose :D_

_Love you all!_

_Debbie-Leigh xxx"_

GEORGE: Wow, that was long!

JOHN: And why are you surprised! We're the freaking amazing Beatles!

RINGO: I want to start saying that I found another girl that likes my nose! I may start a fan club of it!

JOHN: A fan club of your nose? Are you fucking kiddingme?

PAUL: I want my own fan club, then!

GEORGE: Shut up, Paul. You already have it!

PAUL: Yeah, I do!

RINGO: And she also likes how I dance! I can teach you some tricks some time, would you like?

JOHN: Who cares about your silly dancing? What is really important here is my wedding with Paul!

GEORGE: They finally married with us being present y'know...

JOHN: And we are already happy together of course!

PAUL: And she likes our smiles!

JOHN: Let's smile for her!

PAUL: Awww, what a cute adorable smile you have, Johnny!

JOHN: Not as cute as my chipmunk boy! I never thought about how you look like a chipmunk until now! Thank you, Debbie!

PAUL: That's nice... But do not call me "chipmunk boy" please...

RINGO: CHIPMUNK BOY!

PAUL: UGLY JEWISH!

RINGO: CHIPMUNK BOY!

PAUL: UGLY JEWISH!

GEORGE: CHIPMUNK BOY!

PAUL: BLOODY PIG!

GEORGE: Who cares how much I eat? I'm thinner than you, anyways...

RINGO: Ouch...

JOHN: Anyway... About the Little Richard thing... Yes, indeed he sings like Little Richard so beautifully! Even better than him!

PAUL: Better than Little Richard? You think?

JOHN: Of course, dear wife!

PAUL: If I'm your wife, you have to be my wife too!

JOHN: Then what are we? Lesbians?

GEORGE: Thank you for the kind words you said about me! I enjoy being the Quiet Beatle; it makes me look more mystical and interesting.

Q: You are certain an interesting character George, now I'm going to read you the second letter! This one is shorter!

"_Dearest Be-atles,_

_Hi, Keep having fun. Kay? Kay. Bye. Love you all._

―_Prudence._

PAUL: I can assure we will keep having fun, Prudence.

JOHN: Especially Paul and I.

RINGO: God, I swear every time I see you two staring at each other like that, hundreds of pervert thoughts invade my mind...

GEORGE: That was unnecessary!

Q: Third letter!

"_Hello Beatle boys!__  
__I'd like to say my Beatle crush lays with John. Although Ringo is DEFINITLY better looking, and nicer... Alright a few questions! If you had a time machine what time would you go and where? How do you get so many great ideas for songs? John how are you so perfectly sarcastic?__  
__That's all__  
__-Cassis"_

JOHN: It was all going awesome until the word "Ringo" popped out.

RINGO: I'm nicer and better looking than you, accept it John.

JOHN: Keep living under illusions, dwarf.

RINGO: Dwarf? That one is new…

GEORGE: And it's pretty offensive!

JOHN: Shut up, bloody pig!

Q: I think Cassis wants you to answer her questions.

JOHN: Yeah, right! Mmm… time machine… Wow, that one is difficult… Going to the future would be awesome, but kind of scary too, y'know. What about travelling in time to 2012 or something like that and see if someone knows who the hell we are? Or maybe something like year 45000, yeah? Or something more recent, like year 3000. Or I could just go back in time to 1942 and steal baby Macca, or stalk baby Macca… or hold baby Macca in my arms and play with his little nose whispering, "hey little Macca! See you in fifteen years!"… Or why not visiting something really important in history? I think I failed it at school, but I definitely like history better than mathematics or that kind of shit. It would have been interesting experiencing something like the Renaissance in Italy… or ancient Greece, y'know? Greeks were geniuses! Like me!

GEORGE: Alright that was enough!

JOHN: How do I get so many ideas for song? I honestly don't know… I just have 'em…

PAUL: And you also have the greatest songwriting partner of the world.

JOHN: And I am perfectly sarcastic because I just am. There are things that don't need a technical explanation.

Q: Good, thank you, John! The next letter is for Paul!

"_Dear Pauline, _

_So George revealed that you were actually a girl. I knew it! Well, here's some more questions for my favourite female: How do you tell John that he needs to lose weight? Do you lose sleep from the thought of George being a vampire? Do you watch Winx Club?_

_-Anachiolo"_

PAUL: I'm not a girl!

GEORGE: Did you listen, boys? She claims she's not a girl anymore; in fact, she's a WOMAN!

JOHN: _She's a woman who understands, she's a woman who loves her man…_

PAUL: I'm not a woman!

RINGO: You're a girl?

JOHN: _Hello little girl, hello little girl, hello little girl. When I see you every day I say, "Mm-mm, hello little girl"_

PAUL: I'm not a female! I like girls!

GEORGE: I knew you were lesbian!

PAUL: I'm a fucking lad! Do you want me to unzip my pants for you to see?

JOHN: YES, PLEASE!

RINGO: FUCK, NO!

JOHN: Come on, strip for us Paulie, will ya?

PAUL: I only strip for you, hot stuff.

Q: HEY! I DO NOT WANT INAPROPIATE BEHAVIOR HERE!

PAUL: I wasn't going to do it anyway…

Q: Just answer the questions Anachiolo gave you.

PAUL: About how do I tell John to lose weight? Mmm… I have never told him.

JOHN: I'm fat, aren't I?

GEORGE: And I eat more than you three and still am thinner than all of you.

PAUL: You're not fat, John…

GEORGE: But Paul used to be a fat schoolboy…

PAUL: I wasn't fat!

JOHN: I'm the fatty!

RINGO: No one's fat, OK?! Shut the bloody hell up and answer another question, Paul!

PAUL: George being a vampire? Can't say I haven't thought of it…

GEORGE: What the…

JOHN: …FUCK?!

PAUL: Nah, just kidding… Or not…?

RINGO: Anyway, I want Princess Paulie to explain us, or at least me, what the hell is Winx Club.

PAUL: It's a… I mean… I don't know!

GEORGE: I'm sure you do! It sounds like something girly like you!

PAUL: I'm not girly… I'm just a tidy boy.

Q: I'm sure we all know, Paul! And I'm also sure you're in the mood to answer another fan letter!

"dear beatles!  
_dear paul!.:)(it's 'cause you are muy favorite! (i love the others to)__  
__now i have some questions...__  
__1.- what will happen if Eppy come to an interview and see you accting like! all queer?__  
__he's going to follow the joke? (i¡m not sure if it's joke, but i love the maclennon /john it's a fucking fantastic bastard!) he's going o get mad or he's going to just ingnore it ?__  
__2.- what happen with you father paul? he's goingo to me be happy with your relation with john?__  
__3.- hey george, i really love you ..marry me? xD)__  
__4.- and ringo if paul and john pay a plastic surgery for your nose, you will to accept?(don't get mad i love Your nose,! and all you )__  
__with love ale"_

PAUL: Am I your favorite? Aww, I'm John's favorite too!

JOHN: I have my reasons…

PAUL: Eppy… Eppy… poor lad… We drive him nuts.

GEORGE: I don't think he would be surprised or anything, and he would like to follow…

JOHN: He'd be really proud!

RINGO: Maybe we should find out?

PAUL: McLennon, eh? We have a couple name, Johnny!

JOHN: We should have a McLennon fan club too! Not that silly Ringo's nose club…Oh, and by the way, I LOVE WHEN PEOPLE CALL ME A FUCKING FANTASTIC BASTARD!

PAUL: My dad? Emm… Long time since we don't talk…

GEORGE: Hello Jim, if you're watching this, say hi to Mike!

PAUL: I don't think he'd be too happy… But anyway, I earn my own money so I decide what to do with my life.

GEORGE: Another marriage proposal! But I'm sorry love, already have a girlfriend…

RINGO: Weren't you engaged with me?

GEORGE: Uh….

RINGO: AND NO, I WOULD NOT ACCEPT IT, BECAUSE I LIKE MY NOSE THE WAY IT IS!

JOHN: And I wouldn't pay for that either, because then I wouldn't make fun of it… Unless they'd turn his nose into an even worse mess.

PAUL: A nose uglier than Ringo's? I doubt…

RINGO: Shut up, chipmunk!

GEORGE: I'm hungry but I forgot to bring food…

PAUL: I don't want to know anything about food… I have puked three times today and I feel a little dizzy.

GEORGE: ARE YOU PREGNANT?!

PAUL: That's biologically impossible!

RINGO: It's not! You're a female who enrolls sexual relations with males. Have you been checking your cycle?

PAUL: Males? Didn't you say I'm lesbian?

JOHN: What on Earth?!

PAUL: I only have intercourse with Joanna…

GEORGE: …And Jane Asher.

RINGO: Miss Asher, you can join the homosexual club whenever you want!

JOHN: Joanna?! No fucking way! The female jokes are only for Paul!

PAUL: Now we're both lesbian girls, how does that sound?

GEORGE: Like my tummy when I'm hungry.

Q: I think we should end this interview right here…

JOHN: WAIT! IT WAS ALL JOKING,OK? WE WERE JUST JOKING!

PAUL: JANE'S GOING TO KILL ME!

JOHN: CYN IS GOING TO KILL _ME!_

PAUL: WHAT WILL WE DO?

RINGO: … Do you have the menstruation?

JOHN: SHUT UP BEFORE I KILL EVERYONE IN THIS ROOM!

* * *

_**AN Thank you for reading, remember I'm always open for suggestions.**_


	12. The Beat-owls

_**AN: First of all, thanks again for all your support and for sending the fan letters. Also, I was very happy when I received a letter in Spanish. It's my first language and I translated it myself. So if you want to send your letter in Spanish, go ahead. **_

_**This is the longest interview I've ever written! I hope it doesn't get annoying for you.**_

Q: Here I am again… with the…

PAUL: BEATLES!

GEORGE: Hey! That's not fair! I'm the one who shouts our name euphorically.

JOHN: _Euphorically. _That's a nice word!

GEORGE: _Food. _Another nice word!

PAUL: _McCartney. _Even nicer.

RINGO: _Shut up. _The nicest!

JOHN: That's two words!

Q: Well, seeing that you're talking about nice words, how about me reading you some nice words from your fans and you replying?

PAUL: More fan letters for Paul, yay!

GEORGE: And George, yay!

RINGO: And Ringo, yay!

JOHN: We're stupid, yay!

Q: The first letter is in Spanish! Isn't it awesome?

GEORGE: But I don't know Spanish!

Q: But the interviewer here does, so I'm going to read it in Spanish for you to hear my neat pronunciation, and then I'll translate it to you.

PAUL: I would love to learn Spanish, it's so… sophisticated.

Q: OK! Listen up!

"_Queridos Beatles:_

_Antes que nada, tengo que decir, que al igual que el resto del mundo, yo amo sus canciones y su forma de cantar y expresarse en el escenario :D._

_No puedo decir que tenga un favorito. Me encanta el Paulie romántico y encantador, el John rebelde y atrevido, El George espiritual y tranquilo y el Ritchie adorable y simpático…_

_John! A mí me encanta la nariz de Ringo y también sus lindos y enormes ojos azules! Y me uniría al club de fans si él hiciera uno :p_

_P.D: Alguno quiere venir a visitarme?"_

RINGO: Didn't understand a thing.

JOHN: I did!

RINGO: Yeah?

JOHN: Yeah! The part at the beginning when she said: "Beatles"

Q: Now the translation!

"_Dear Beatles:_

_Before anything, I have to say, that like the rest of the world, I love your songs and your way of singing and expressing on stage :D._

_I can't say I have a favorite. I love the romantic and charming Paulie, the rebel and sassy John, the spiritual and quiet George and the adorable and nice Ringo._

_John! I love Ringo's nose and also his pretty and enormous blue eyes! And I would join the fan club if he made one :p_

_P.D: Anyone of you want to come to visit me?_

RINGO: Yes! I'm receiving a lot of support for my nose! I will create that bloody fan club!

PAUL: And another fan club for romantic and charming Paulie, please!

JOHN: I object!

PAUL: You object what?

JOHN: I won't let Ringo create that damn fan club of his damn nose!

RINGO: MY NOSE HAS FANGIRLS, AND YOURS DOESN'T!

JOHN: SO I DEMAND A FANCLUB FOR MY NOSE!

RINGO: IT STILL WON'T HAVE AS MUCH FANS AS MINE!

JOHN: We'll see!

PAUL: Wait, why hasn't George talked?

GEORGE: They call me the quiet Beatle for a reason, don't they?

PAUL: And about the visit… Where in the world are you, honey?

Q: She's from Latin America!

PAUL: Fancy! Why not?

Q: Next one!

"_Hello Beatle lads, it's me Cassie again… Just a bit for each._

_Paul: how is that I love your songs and yet you're my least favorite Beatle? Also I challenge you to a death match over John._

_John: be nice to Ringo. You're just upset his nose is bigger than your…Yaknow. Also, if I killed Paul in a death match would you be upset?_

_Ringo: remember: your NOSE has a fan club, and you have your own fan club. You're like double the fan club of awesomeness. Also your dancing is beautiful._

_George: eat more, you little stick of a man!"_

PAUL: Wait, what?! Did she just say I'm her least favorite Beatle?! That's not fair! I'm _no one's_ least favorite Beatle!

RINGO: Well, you're _her _least favorite Beatle. That must tell you something.

PAUL: And of course you love my songs! _I am _the one who writes the songs! Well… John too, but you got the point!

GEORGE: And she challenged you to a death match.

PAUL: Death match?! We believe in love!

JOHN: Hell, like really… Most of our songs have the word "love"

RINGO: _And before too long, I fell in __**love **__with her. She couldn't dance with another, since I saw her standing there._

GEORGE: _**Love, love **__me do, you know I __**love **__you, I'll always be true, so please… __**Love **__me do._

PAUL: _Tell me that you want the kind of things that money just can't buy, I don't care too much for money, money can't buy me __**love.**_

JOHN: _You think you lost your __**love, **__well I saw her yesterday. It's you she's thinking of, and she told me what to say…_

RINGO: _Listen, do you want know a secret? Do you promise not to tell? Closer, let me whisper in your ear, say the words you long to hear: I'm in __**love **__with you..._

GEORGE: _I should have known better with a girl like you, that I would __**love **__everything that you do, and I do… and I do…_

Q: ENOUGH! We got the point, all right?

PAUL: So no, we won't do any death match.

RINGO: She's asking John to be nice to me! Another one! I am seriously loving this interview! And my favorite part was when she said you're jealous because my nose is bigger than your cock!

JOHN: And how do you know the size of my cock, eh?

PAUL: Have you been cheating on me, John?

JOHN: And she wasn't talking about my cock. She meant that your nose is bigger than my left ear.

RINGO: Your left ear?!

JOHN: Yes, my left ear! And just for you to know, my cock is bigger than your nose! And is also bigger than Paul's!

PAUL: It may be smaller than yours, but I bet it's bigger than George's!

GEORGE: Hey! Don't involve me!

RINGO: We will unzip our trousers together when we get to the hotel and we'll see, all right? Now let's move on!

JOHN: We already know! We've all seen each other naked, for fuck's sake. The order is: Ringo, me, George and Paul.

Q: DO YOU WANT THIS INTERVIEW TO BE CENSORED IN THE ENTIRE WORLD? YOU CAN'T SIMPLY TALK ABOUT _THAT _IN THE MIDDLE OF AN INTERVIEW!

PAUL: I'm surprised.

GEORGE: About what?

PAUL: She's asking you to eat more! I mean… More than you already eat?!

JOHN: By seeing Georgie you could swear he's anorexic… He's a stick! So fucking skinny! How is that he never gains a single kilogram?!

GEORGE: It's a secret!

JOHN: It's your metabolism, you moron.

PAUL: Well, to end up the answer to the letter… Would you cry, Johnny? Would you cry if that Cassie girl killed me in a death match?

JOHN: Gee, of course I will cry a lot when you die!

PAUL: Are you assuming I'm going to die first?

Q: Alright, thank you boys! Next letter!

"_Dear Beatles,__  
__Have you ever thought about how you would die? Also I love you Ringo. :)__  
__What do you think life will be like twenty years from now?__  
__And a question for the interviewer: Do you ever get tired of them?__  
__Love, Alli ."_

RINGO: She loves me!

GEORGE: Yeah, yeah, yeah?

PAUL: Wasn't I supposed to be the Beatle with more fans?

GEORGE: Looks like Rings is winning us all…

JOHN: Bullshit!

RINGO: To answer the question… I'm always getting sick, so I will probably die of a disease. Well, I don't really want to think about it…

JOHN: I prefer to think about how people will remember me when I'm dead.

Q: And they will remember you as…?

JOHN: The fucking genius I am, of course.

PAUL: I want to die on bed. Falling asleep and never waking up.

GEORGE: I will die the day the Lord decides it's time for my soul to go to a better place and leave this body.

JOHN: The question was _how, _not _when._

Q: Anyway! Answer the question about how do you think your life will be twenty years from now.

PAUL: Still playing and writing music as a Beatle!

JOHN: Twenty years? I'll be 44 then… Yeah, still working in my music, publishing more books!

GEORGE: My future is in the hands of the Lord.

JOHN: Cut that "Lord" crap, will you?

RINGO: I see myself married to Mo, with beautiful kids, a dog…

Q: Well, I would like to say that it's so nice of Alli to send a question for me! But in spite of everything, I never get tired of them!

JOHN: Because you get a lot of money and fame by interviewing us! And also we are incredibly funny and adorable.

Q: I will read you the next fan-letter!

"_Dear boys,_

_I love these interviews so much! They are hilarious and I love McLennon! And Starrison! Paul, we all know you're a girl. Stop denying it. Well I have a few questions._

_Paul, what product do you use in your hair?_

_John, you fantastic bastard, how do you live with Paul and his girly qualities? Doesn't it get annoying?_

_Ringo, I am officially president of the Ringo's nose fanclub in my school. And yes, John, we do have one and it is bloody awesome. So Rings, what is your favorite thing to do on the weekend and why?_

_George, you should talk more. I love you so much, you are my favorite! Again, I love Starrison so much, it hurts! This isn't exactly a question but I love you so much and I want to hear your beautiful voice!_

_Well, that's it I guess._

_Peace and Love, _

_-Scarr."_

PAUL: She loves McLennon!

RINGO: And Starrison!

JOHN: Shut up, McLennon is better.

GEORGE: Starrison vs McLennon?

PAUL: McLennon will obviously win everything.

JOHN: McLennon forever!

PAUL: And remember, I am _not _a girl!

RINGO: You are!

JOHN: She's not!

RINGO: Just for you to know, John, when you said "she", you just cleared up my point.

JOHN: Oh shite, did I say "she"? Just forget about the bloody "s"

Q: Well Paul, everyone now wants to know what product you use in your hair.

PAUL: Shampoo and conditioner?

GEORGE: Gee, just that? Then why do you spend so many bloody hours in the bathroom?!

PAUL: I'll explain you: I have to take a good bath and clean all my body with soup, exfoliate my skin, then wash my hair with Breck shampoo and conditioner. When I'm dry I apply a moisturizing lotion for all skin and another that's special for my feet. Then I shave carefully, apply after-shave and another lotion that erases all the impurities of my face, followed by another moisturizing one that works only for the care of my beautiful face. After I'm done, I usually want to urinate, so I empty myself in the toilet and then I wash my hands, of course!

RINGO: Lovely routine, Pauline!

JOHN: Holy crap! No wonder why we never have money! Paul spends it all buying all those girly beauty products when all you need to do is soup up your body and you're done!

Q: Wow… Not even _I _have a routine as long as Paul's! But now is time for John to answer.

JOHN: OK, before anything… YES, I'M A FANTASTIC BASTARD, I KNOW! And well, how do I live with Paul and his girly qualities? It's fine, really… He does his "routine" while I'm still sleeping, and ends up folding my clothes and cleaning up the hotel rooms because of his tidiness.

PAUL: The question should be: "_Beautiful Paul, how do you live with John and his untidiness? He's a total disaster! Doesn't it desperate you?"_

RINGO: Bah, I don't care… BECAUSE THE FAN-CLUB OF MY NOSE HAS A PRESIDENT!

JOHN: I bet it's not bloody awesome like she says.

RINGO: I bet it is!

RINGO: My favorite thing to do on the weekend? Well, we spend the entire week working, learning scripts, playing, doing gigs, going to interviews… We even do all this stuff on weekends! So, I have to say… SLEEP.

GEORGE: Yeah… We work so hard that sometimes we just need to sleep and shut down our brains for a week.

JOHN: A week?! That's a lot!

GEORGE: You're a hyperactive bastard, also.

RINGO: And she said you're her favorite Geo!

GEORGE: Yay, thank you! I'll sing for you! _Well gonna write a little letter__, g__onna mail it to my local D.J.__It's a rockin' little record__I want my jockey to play__. __Roll over Beethoven__, __I gotta hear it again today._

PAUL: _You know my temperature's risin'__and the jukebox's blowin' a fuse__. __My hearts beatin' rhythm__and my soul keeps singing the blues__. __Roll over Beethoven__and tell Tchaikovsky the news__._

GEORGE: Ahhh shut up! She asked for _me _to sing, not you!

PAUL: But I'm Paul _Fucking_ McCartney!

GEORGE: And I'm George _Fucking_ Harrison!

RINGO: And I'm Richard _Fucking _Starkey!

JOHN: And I'm John _Winston _Lennon!

Q: Lovely names! Now I'll read you the last fan-letter for today! It's quite long, actually…

"_Dear Beatles,__  
__Thank you for making me fail my science exam by making me write beatle instead of beetle. My questions for you__  
__- if you each had 3 wishes, what would you wish for?__  
__-If zombies are dead, how can they walk? Their bodies shouldn't function at all. Same goes with mummies they are all old and rotten and I'm pretty sure their muscles have decomposed.__  
__-You do know little kids see this?__  
__-If you had a snail that could magically grant wishes, what would you name it?__  
__-Who do you like better, Bill or Ted? Why?__  
__-If you were on death row, what would your last meal be?__  
__-You have the choice to live with a gorilla who knows sign language or a dog who sings lullabies, which do you choose?__  
__-What would chairs look like if our knees were on the back of our legs?__  
__-how do you feel about cannibalism?__  
__-if there was a zombie apocalypse, what will be your weapon of choice and why?__  
__-What nocturnal animal would you be if you had to choose and why?__  
__-Are sharks mean because they feel unloved, or do they just have a mean way of sharing their affection with others?__  
__- kill marry kiss the interviewer, Brian, another Beatle_

_By the way, I attached 6 cookies to the letter- one each for them, one for the interviewer and two for George"_

JOHN: Jesus! Not even Mimi used to ask me that amount of questions! And about the failed science test… Don't worry, I failed it too.

PAUL: Now, three wishes? Gee, I want more than three! I can't decide just three!

JOHN: Paul's three wishes are: legalization of homosexuality, being prince of a Macca-Kingdom and owning a beauty spa. George's are: the power of invocating food with words, getting to sing more songs and finding out the real truth about God. Ringo's are: a superhero-dog, being able to be a dog for a day, and the ability of writing songs. Mine's are: the domination of the world, having a secret land to escape from fans, and something to make us ―and the rest of the people― hear ourselves while playing gigs. Done.

PAUL: That's not fair! You can't choose our wishes!

JOHN: Yes, I can, and I did.

RINGO: Bah, if he answered for us then I don't have to think about a good answer.

PAUL: But I wouldn't wish for that!

GEORGE: Yes, you would! Now, can the interviewer read us the other questions? I got lost.

Q: "_If zombies are dead, how can they walk? Their bodies shouldn't function at all. Same goes with mummies they are all old and rotten and I'm pretty sure their muscles have decomposed.__ "_

GEORGE: That's a secret of theirs!

RINGO: Find a zombie and a mummy, and ask him. We would, but we never have free time.

JOHN: And maybe he'll sing to you… _Listen, do you want to know a secret? Do you promise not to tell? Oh-oh, closer, let me whisper in your ear…_

PAUL: Even zombies and mummies have to know about us! I bet they want to come alive again just to see us.

Q: _"You do know little kids see this?"_

JOHN: Yes! Everyone sees us!

PAUL: We're _The _Beatles!

Q: _"If you had a snail that could magically grant wishes, what would you name it?__"_

GEORGE: Arthur.

JOHN: Bridgitte Bardot.

PAUL: Laurie.

JOHN: Laurie? Like the lad from the novel _Little Women?_

PAUL: Yeah. I love those girls!

JOHN: That novel is for girls and queers, Paul!

PAUL: Have you read it?

JOHN: Yeah…

PAUL: It fucking rules!

GEORGE: I am not understanding anything.

RINGO: Give me five!

GEORGE: Five what?

RINGO: Your hand, George!

GEORGE: What? I don't have five hands!

RINGO: But you have five fingers!

PAUL: Ignoring these two guys… Am I more like Jo, Amy, Beth or Meg?

JOHN: I am obviously Meg. She's the best. Rebel, smart, sarcastic… George is Amy because they are both quiet…

GEORGE: Amy who?

PAUL: Amy March!

JOHN: Ringo is Amy because they both have ugly noses, and Paul is the prettiest of the March sisters, Meg.

RINGO: Georgie.

GEORGE: Georgie what?

RINGO: I would call my snail Georgie. That was the original question, and then John and Paul started talking about some book about some girls I haven't read.

Q: _"Who do you like better, Bill or Ted? Why?__"_

RINGO: What name do I prefer? Ted.

JOHN: Yeah, Ted.

GEORGE: You two finally agree on something!

JOHN: That's because Ringo and I were teddy boys when we were teenagers.

Q: "_If you were on death row, what would your last meal be?__"_

JOHN: Paul. If you know what I mean…

PAUL: Oh, of course I know what you mean!

GEORGE: WAFFLES!

RINGO: YEAH, WAFFLES!

GEORGE: WITH SYRUP!

RINGO: We should totally have waffles as dinner today.

GEORGE: Yeah! We don't eat them since…

PAUL: …Monday?

GEORGE: Yeah, Monday!

JOHN: I think I want waffles too.

GEORGE: You want what?

JOHN: WAFFLES!

Q: _"You have the choice to live with a gorilla who knows sign language or a dog who sings lullabies, which do you choose?__"_

RINGO: The dog! I love dogs!

JOHN: Nah, the gorilla. I already have Paul to sing lullabies to me.

PAUL: I would choose the dog; maybe we could sing duets together!

GEORGE: Mmm… would they eat my food? Because if they eat my food then I don't want them.

Q: _"What would chairs look like if our knees were on the back of our legs?"_

RINGO: What? Sorry, I didn't understand. Could you repeat it?

Q: _"What would chairs look like if our knees were on the back of our legs?"_

JOHN: Why do I have to bother in thinking that? Knees are never going to be on the back of our legs.

PAUL: That's why we use the power of imagination!

GEORGE: Chairs would have like two holes or something, and there would be chair sizes depending on how big your knees are.

PAUL: Yeah… I am imagining it right now!

Q: "_how do you feel about cannibalism?"_

JOHN: Do you want me to explain the meaning of the word, Ringo?

RINGO: No, John. Shut your pretty mouth up.

PAUL: I'm the one with the pretty mouth, ey!

JOHN: I will gladly shut your pretty mouth if you want, Paul.

GEORGE: Anyway, how do I feel about it? People must taste bad… But if you're hungry and your tummy can't resist it…

RINGO: Control your hunger issues, George!

GEORGE: I still don't think I would eat a person, y'know…

JOHN: I'm a cannibal!

PAUL: Who have you eaten?

JOHN: You, I believe.

GEORGE: Gee, that's so gross!

Q: _"if there was a zombie apocalypse, what will be your weapon of choice and why?"_

JOHN: Paul. Not even zombies can resist his pretty eyes.

PAUL: I don't need a weapon, because I am my weapon.

GEORGE: Some sneakers that allow me to run fast and far! Do you really think I'm going to fight?

RINGO: Yeah, I want a pair of those sneakers in my size.

Q: "_What nocturnal animal would you be if you had to choose and why?"_

RINGO: A dog!

JOHN: Dogs are not nocturnal animals!

RINGO: But I want to be a dog!

GEORGE: He can be a wolf!

RINGO: But dogs are better than wolves!

JOHN: Well, screw you!

PAUL: Owls are pretty.

JOHN: Yeah, we could all be owls.

GEORGE: The Beat-owls!

JOHN: The Beat-owls… and Ringo, the dog.

RINGO: Hey! That's not fair!

JOHN: Didn't you want to be a dog?

RINGO: But I want to be in The Beat-owls too!

PAUL: You have to be an owl to be on The Beatles.

GEORGE: If you want to be part of this group you have to stop being a dog!

RINGO: There's too much pressure!

Q: "_Are sharks mean because they feel unloved, or do they just have a mean way of sharing their affection with others?"_

JOHN: They are not mean. They just have to eat if they don't want to die.

GEORGE: Humans are the mean ones who think sharks are mean!

PAUL: You know what's the problem of the world? Humans.

RINGO: Earth would be a better place without humans.

Q: But you're humans too.

JOHN: We're not!

Q: Then what are you?!

GEORGE: BEAT-OWLS!

Q: "_kill marry kiss the interviewer, Brian, another Beatle"_

JOHN: I didn't understand.

RINGO: Finally!

JOHN: Finally what?

RINGO: I am the one who never understands, but now you don't understand too!_  
_

PAUL: Is she asking to choose between killing, marrying or kissing the interviewer, Brian or another Beat-owl?

GEORGE: Seems like.

JOHN: I choose Paul!

PAUL: You aren't going to kill me, right?

JOHN: I already married you! And I'm going to kiss you!

RINGO: YES! KISS!

GEORGE: Wait, are you seriously going to do it? Did you know that's illegal?

RINGO: Oh c'mon, that would be the first world-wide recorded queer kiss in history!

GEORGE: No! They already have the entire spotlight! _We _will be the ones kissing, Ringo!

PAUL: MCLENNON!

GEORGE: STARRISON!

JOHN: MCLENNON!

RINGO: STARRISON!

Q: NOBODY WILL KISS!

JOHN: TOO LATE! *pecks Paul's cheek quickly*

GEORGE: Awww, that was cute and legal!

RINGO: And the cute Beatle is blushing.

GEORGE: Awwww, look at the lad.

JOHN: That was a sneak-peak, Macca. You will get the real thing when we leave.

PAUL: Can't wait to get to the hotel, then!

JOHN: Hotel? We will start in the car!

Q: Everybody get your cookie and then get out of here!

GEORGE: I HAVE TWO AND YOU DON'T!

JOHN: I HAVE PAUL AND YOU DON'T!

GEORGE: I HAVE RINGS AND YOU DON'T!

JOHN: Who told you I want Ringo?

RINGO: I don't want you either, John!

GEORGE: Bye, bye, Beat-owl people!

PAUL: McLennon forever!

_**AN: Thank you for reading. **_

_**The book I mentioned, "Little Women" and the characters Laurie, Jo, Meg, Amy and Beth belong to Louisa May Alcott, and it's a really good book.**_


	13. Los Escarabajos

_**AN: I have recieved various fan letters for the Beatles, and I couldn't include them all on this chapter. However, don't worry! They will appear in future interviews, I won't forget any letter, I promise! If you send a letter, I will add it to the on-hold list, so maybe you'll have to wait a while for it to appear in an interview. Thank you for sending the letters and for all your support!**_

* * *

__

Q: Who's ready for another interview?

RINGO: The Beatles?

Q: Yes!

GEORGE: Rings! We're Beat-owls now! Remember?

RINGO: Bleh. My sense of memory stinks.

PAUL: Just like you! God, did you even shower?

RINGO: I don't remember…

PAUL: You're all dirty pigs!

JOHN: Hey! I _did _shower! With you!

PAUL: Yeah… that was simply… awesome…

GEORGE: And yet more details no one's interested to hear.

Q: I have a big amount of fan-letters for the Beatl… I mean, Beat-owls! The first one is in Spanish!

"_queridos beatles (de nuevo paul eres mi favorito) aunque todos son jodidamnte perfectos! se han visto en el espejo (por favor john no decir nada egocéntrico acerca de esto)__  
__ahora si, unas cuantas preguntas!__  
__Cual ha sido la peor situación en que te han encontrado con las manos en la masa ?(tu sabes a lo que me refiero 1313)__  
__algunas vez han estado en un orgia?__  
__han visto telenovelas mexicanas?__  
__se pondrían los trajes de charro que he adjuntado a esta carta :D?__  
__me visitarían? (anden se que quieren venir a México)__  
__Paul! como carajos haces que tu pestañas sean tan bonitas y grande y girly? te depilas las cejas? (no pueden ser naturales!)__  
__la peor travesura que han hecho?__  
__ringo"!: Cual es el peor lugar donde ta han dado ganas de ir al baño? (me enseñas a bailar? hace poco mi amiga y y yo lo intentamos pero no! terminamos en el suelo, eres tan formidable)__  
__john: Que es lo mas fuera de lugar que has dicho en voz alta cuando en la fiesta la musica para ?__  
__george: porque no te casaste conmigo? D:. na no imparta amo el Starrison__  
__de toda forma amo mas el McLennon he hecho un club de fans en la escuela y es jodida mente fantástico( no tanto como tu john!)__  
__ahora para la entrevistadora: alguien ha querido secuestrarte últimamente? porque si no yo podría intentarlo y así aparecer en un programa con ellos! no sabes lo mucho que los amo! eras tan maldita afortunada!__  
__como sea es muy largo pero nah! los amo! arriba el McLennon y Starrison...__  
__xoxo__  
__Ale"_

JOHN: I have to learn Spanish.

RINGO: Why?

GEORGE: Because that way Paul will stop bragging about his French-talking, which is awful, by the way.

PAUL: It is not! I swear I will write _and _sing a song in French for an upcoming album.

JOHN: Seriously, I will learn Spanish. It sounds sexy.

Q: _"Dear Beatles (again Paul, you're my favorite) although you are all so fucking perfect Have you seen yourselves in a mirror? (please John, don't say anything egocentric about this)_

_Now, a few questions!_

_What has been the worst situation in which you've been caught red-handed? (you know what I mean, hehehe)_

_Have you ever been in an orgy?_

_Have you seen Mexican soap-operas?_

_Would you wear the squat suits I have attached to this letter :D?_

_Would you visit me? (come on, you know you want to come to Mexico)_

_Paul! How the hell do you do for your eyelashes to be so pretty and large and girly? Do you shape your eyebrows? (they can't be natural!)_

_Worst mischief you have done?_

_Ringo: What is the worst place in which you've had the urge to go to the bathroom? (could you teach me how to dance? Short ago my friend and I tried to do it, but no! We ended up on the floor, you are so fantastic)_

_John: What is the most out of place comment you have said out loud in a party when the music stops?_

_George: Why didn't you marry me? D: Nah, it doesn't matter, I love Starrison._

_Anyway, I love McLennon more, and I have made a fanclub in my school and it is fucking fantastic (no as much as you, John!)_

_Now for the interviewer: have someone wanted to kidnap you recently? Because I could try it, and that way I could appear in a show for them! You don't know how much I love them! You are bloody lucky!_

_Whatever, this is long, but nah, I love you. Long live McLennon and Starrison!_

_Xoxo_

_Ale."_

PAUL: Well… I never look at myself in a mirror because I'm afraid I might fall in love with myself.

JOHN: You actually can't stop staring at your reflection, git.

GEORGE: He can spend hours in front of a mirror doing silly faces!

RINGO: One time one of our hotel rooms didn't have a mirror and he was freaking out.

JOHN: And when he talks to you and there is a mirror near; he doesn't look at you; he stares at himself!

RINGO: Paul is so egomaniac that I wouldn't be surprised if I find him wanking thinking about himself.

PAUL: Oh noes! Paul McCartney is in love with Paul McCartney! But how can I not fall for myself? I'm adorable!

JOHN: See how unfair life is? This girl asked for me not to say anything egocentric, and PAUL is the cocky bitch who's bragging.

GEORGE: You are a cocky bitch too, John.

JOHN: Yes, yes I am. I'm a bloody genius, for fuck's sake!

Q: "_What has been the worst situation in which you've been caught red-handed? (you know what I mean, hehehe)"_

JOHN: Today in the bathroom!

GEORGE: What do you mean?

PAUL: John and I were sharing a delicious bath… and Ringo came in.

RINGO: Don't remind me. It was awful!

JOHN: I think you're bloody deaf! How couldn't you hear us?

RINGO: I was thinking about something else! I wanted to go to the bathroom because I wanted to _wank _there.

GEORGE: You were so horny you couldn't even hear?

PAUL: And boy, we're loud. I think you did it on porpoise, because you wanted to get even harder.

RINGO: No! Ah, what the hell. The worst situation? Well, I was in the middle of a shag in a public park and then I realised a policeman was watching. And also the girl's grandmother and his lady friends… and her dog.

GEORGE: One time my brother and my father came in.

JOHN: One time? Mimi came in into one of my… "scenes" like a dozen times!

PAUL: And I'm sure the bathtub thing today hasn't been the worst situation in which George and Ringo had "caught" us.

JOHN: Do you remember that time when Mike walked in? Poor kid. We perturbed his mind.

GEORGE: I remember one time when Rings and I wanted to know if you wanted to play Monopoly, and when we opened the door…

RINGO: George, no! There are KIDS WATCHING THIS!

Q: "_Have you ever been in an orgy?"_

GEORGE: No way in hell.

JOHN: Of course you have, git!

PAUL: When they opened the door, they joined us.

RINGO: That's it. Beatles' orgy, my friends!

GEORGE: No, no! You're liars!

JOHN: We're three against one…

PAUL: You liked it, George. Admit it.

GEORGE: How can I? I _wasn't _there!

RINGO: You were _very _present, Georgie!

Q: "_Have you seen Mexican soap-operas?"_

GEORGE: Nope. But I hear they're great!

JOHN: I bet Paul has.

PAUL: Yup! But I didn't understand anything because it was in Spanish!

GEORGE: And you didn't learn?

PAUL: I know how to say: _Hola chicas, soy Pablo._

JOHN: That was hot!

Q: "_Would you wear the squat suits I have attached to this letter :D?_

RINGO: Yes! They are so pretty!

GEORGE: Let's try them on, now!

PAUL: Yes! Let's go backstage!

Q: No! You have to finish this interview first.

GEORGE: Mine is the smallest size, because I'm the thinnest.

JOHN: Shut up. I fucking hate you!

GEORGE: GO ON AND HATE ME! ENVY ME!

Q: "_Would you visit me? (come on, you know you want to come to Mexico)"_

PAUL: Yeah, why not? Latin girls are hot.

GEORGE: Heck yeah.

JOHN: The Spanish language is hot.

PAUL: _Yes it is, yes it is, oh yes it is!_

RINGO: What a coincidence! The interviewer is wearing red tonight!

Q: "_Paul! How the hell do you do for your eyelashes to be so pretty and large and girly? Do you shape your eyebrows? (they can't be natural!)"_

PAUL: What can I tell you? I'm God's master-piece.

GEORGE: Isn't what you just said a sin?

JOHN: Aren't you the religious one? You should know!

GEORGE: Anyway! Stop being so bitchy with your cockiness, Paul!

PAUL: They are like that because I'm James Paul McCartney. What else could you expect? And no, of course I don't shape them! They are natural!

RINGO: Liar.

PAUL: YOU ARE THE FUCKING LIAR!

RINGO: LIAR!

PAUL: THEY ARE NATURAL AND YOU KNOW IT!

GEORGE: They are not.

PAUL: THEY ARE!

GEORGE: I have seen you shaping them, Paul!

PAUL: YOU HAVEN'T!

JOHN: Why are you bothering my Paulie? You know he has never shaped them.

PAUL: Thank you, Johnny boy!

Q: "_Worst mischief you have done?"_

PAUL: Wow… I have done so many ones that I can't choose only one. When we all peed out of a balcony, maybe? Or when I set fire to a condom and accidentally burned the club and got deported…

JOHN: The ones you had with me as your partner in crime are the best.

PAUL: Partner in crime, eh? I like the way it sounds!

GEORGE: More like: "Partner in bed", I think.

Q: "_Ringo: What is the worst place in which you've had the urge to go to the bathroom? (could you teach me how to dance? Short ago my friend and I tried to do it, but no! We ended up on the floor, you are so fantastic."_

JOHN: What is it with Ringo's dancing that everyone loves?

PAUL: Jeez, you have got to teach us one of these days.

GEORGE: He has already taught me!

PAUL: When?

RINGO: When you and John lock yourselves in the bedroom or bathroom!

JOHN: Anyway. I don't want Ringo to teach me anything.

RINGO: I don't want to teach you either! You are not cool enough to have me as your dance teacher.

JOHN: And you are not talented enough to write a song.

GEORGE: You're a bastard, John.

JOHN: A fantastic one, yeah.

RINGO: The question was for me! So all of you, shut up! She asked for the worst situation in which I have had the urge to pee. Well… one time I was in the van, it was really really cold, there was no bathroom, and there was no place for me to pee!

GEORGE: So he decided to pee inside an empty bottle of wine.

JOHN: We all wanted to pee, so after Ringo did it, we all released ourselves in the same bottle.

PAUL: Sweet Lord, it smelt AWFUL!

JOHN: And we offered it to Mal saying it was beer, but he didn't buy it.

GEORGE: Just imagine that treasure… A bottle containing the mixed urine of Ringo Starr, George Harrison, Paul McCartney and John Lennon.

Q: "_John: What is the most out of place comment you have said out loud in a party when the music stops?"_

JOHN: _"Yes Paul, John is going to fuck the daylights out of you tonight."_

PAUL: A crowd of people turned back to stare at us with shocked faces, but then John said…

JOHN: _"Wait, did I say 'Paul'? I meant to say 'Bardot', because 'Paul' rhythms with 'Bardot', you see?"_

Q: "_George: Why didn't you marry me? D: Nah, it doesn't matter, I love Starrison._

_Anyway, I love McLennon more, and I have made a fanclub in my school and it is fucking fantastic (no as much as you, John!)"_

JOHN: McLennon has more fans than Starrison!

PAUL: We have to visit that fan club.

GEORGE: And make out in front of a lot of schoolgirls?

PAUL: _Only _make out? I don't think so.

JOHN: And hearing that I am fucking fantastic once again pleases me so much.

Q: "_Now for the interviewer: have someone wanted to kidnap you recently? Because I could try it, and that way I could appear in a show for them! You don't know how much I love them! You are bloody lucky!_

_Whatever, this is long, but nah, I love you. Long live McLennon and Starrison!_

_Xoxo_

_Ale."_

JOHN: Long live, indeed!

Q: Kidnap me? Oh God, please no! You can appear in a show if you want. No need to commit a crime. And I'm lucky, I know!

PAUL: Yes, you are a lucky bastard, girl.

Q: I have another fan letter in Spanish! Do you remember the girl that sent you in the past interview your very first Spanish letter? She sent another one!

"_Soy de Colombia__. Paul, por supuesto que crearia un club de fans especialmente para ti! Sería el miembro honorario! Ritch...tu nariz es tu marca personalizada! Y lo siento John, pero me gusta más la nariz de Ringo, es unica...pero no hay que desanimarse...a mi me gusta la sonrisa que tienes y la jodida magnifica forma en que hablas! __George! Cuál es tu comida favorita y por qué?__P.D: Tengo que admitir que me gusta más el McLennon..."_

JOHN: It seems like I'm the only one who doesn't know Spanish! Aside from the three gits sitting by side.

PAUL: Did you just call me git?

GEORGE: And me?

RINGO: Bah, I'm used to.

Q: "_I'm from Colombia :D. Paul, of course I would create a fan club just for you! I would be the honorary member! Ritch… your nose is your original mark! And I'm sorry John, but I like Ringo's nose more, it is unique… but no need to feel bad…I like your smile and the fucking magnificent way you talk! George! What's your favorite food and why?_

_P.D: I have to admit I like McLennon more…"_

PAUL: Yes! I will have a Colombian fan club just for me!

RINGO: And I love how everyone just keeps mentioning the uniqueness of my nose.

JOHN: Shut up. My smile is prettier than yours.

PAUL: But not as pretty as mine.

JOHN: Why do you always have to win?

PAUL: You have already married me, John. There's nothing you can do.

GEORGE: My favorite food? Umm…

RINGO: Anything eatable is George's favorite food.

JOHN: But you have to choose one thing! Waffles?

GEORGE: Egg sandwiches!

PAUL: Let's have egg sandwiches for dinner tonight!

JOHN: And waffles, of course. That's the official Beatle dinner.

Q: _"Dear Beatles,__  
__I'm not even going to try to pick a favorite of all of you. But if I were, let's just say that he's half of Starrison... And that my second would also be half of McLennon...__Anywho, you seem to take this nose thing pretty seriously, so John, have you ever tried to imagine Ringo with a smaller nose? It looks pretty damn weird, doesn't it? Ringo's nose is Ringo's nose.__Now onto the questions!__  
__-What is one band/artist who shall never get tired of listening to?__  
__-What do you think the future would be like?__  
__-Who is a celebrity/music artist/actor(actress) you would go into fangirl mode over?__  
__-Do you miss being 'normal' ever?__Thanks for reading! I look forward to seeing the chaos that ensues after the poor interviewer reads this little scrap of paper!__Love from Rosa (I'm feeling the Español tonight... Rosa's my spanish name ;-))"_

RINGO: Half of McLennon and half of Starrison? What does that mean?

GEORGE: That Paul and me are her favorite Beatles.

RINGO: Why Paul and you?

JOHN: Because Paul is everyone's favorite Beatle, and you're no one's favorite Beatle.

RINGO: Paul, Paul, Paul! Everything is about Paul! You just can't stop increasing Paul's ego!

JOHN: Paul is Paul, just like your nose is your nose. And no, I can't imagine you with a smaller nose… It would be like imagining Paul without eyelashes.

Q: "_Now onto the questions!__  
__-What is one band/artist who shall never get tired of listening to?__"_

JOHN: Elvis!

GEORGE: Little Richard!

JOHN: Buddy Holly!

PAUL: THE BEATLES!

RINGO: Weren't we _Beat-owls?_

JOHN: We can be everything we want!

PAUL: What do you want to be?

JOHN: _I wanna be your lover baby, I wanna be your man._

GEORGE: _I wanna be your lover baby, I wanna be your man._

RINGO: _I wanna be your man! I wanna be your man!_

PAUL: _I wanna be your man, I wanna be your… waaaaa yeah!_

Q: "_-What do you think the future would be like?"_

JOHN: Future? I'd rather think about the present.

RINGO: There will be new brands of dogs.

PAUL: New Beatles' records!

GEORGE: New recipes to taste!

JOHN: New sex positions!

Q: "_-Who is a celebrity/music artist/actor(actress) you would go into fangirl mode over?"_

PAUL: Brigitte…

JOHN: …Bardot!

GEORGE: Fangirl mode? Nah. Only food has that effect on me.

RINGO: You have that effect on me!

GEORGE: Really?

RINGO: Emmm…

JOHN: Haven't you noticed how awkward is Starrison?

PAUL: McLennon all the way!

Q: "_-Do you miss being 'normal' ever?"_

JOHN: I have never been normal! I always knew I was going to be an artist, I was different than the other kids, I was smarter than them. No one saw life like I did. I have always been a fucking genius!

RINGO: By "normal" I think she meant "not famous"

PAUL: Well, success is what we always wanted. If it wasn't for The Beatles we would probably be working driving a truck, delivering mail, or studying to be a teacher. My dad wanted me to be a teacher… But eh… Being a rockstar is better, isn't it?

GEORGE: I still have to admit, sometimes I need a break from all the screaming.

RINGO: Or you just want to take a calm walk without everyone going mad.

PAUL: But then again, it's incredible everything we feel with the mania and all.

JOHN: Our fans are the one who buys our records, so we can't complain about the things they do.

PAUL: And they also send lovely letters!

RINGO: Yeah! Hey, interviewer! Read us again the last part of the letter, please!

Q: "_Thanks for reading! I look forward to seeing the chaos that ensues after the poor interviewer reads this little scrap of paper!__Love from Rosa (I'm feeling the Español tonight... Rosa's my spanish name ;-))"_

PAUL: Rosa! I'm sure that means "rose" in Spanish!

JOHN: I think everyone knows that, Paulie.

PAUL: I'm Pablo! That's my Spanish name!

RINGO: What would be my Spanish name?

Q: Your name is Richard, so it would be Ricardo.

RINGO: Ricardo? I like it!

Q: George would be Jorge, and John is Juan.

JOHN: So we are Juan, Pablo, Jorge and Ricardo! The… How do you say "beetle" in Spanish?

Q: Escarabajo! You are "Los Escarabajos"

RINGO: Yeah! Whatever she said I can't spell!

PAUL: Teach me how to spell it, I want to learn!

Q: OK! Everyone say: "es…"

ALL BEATLES: "es…"

Q: "esca…"

ALL BEATLES: "esca…"

Q: "escara…"

ALL BEATLES: "escara…"

Q: You are not spelling the "r" the way it is! Ah, what the hell. "escarabajo"

ALL BEATLES: ESCARABAJO!

Q: Aww, it sounds cute how you try to say it, but still you spell it wrong!

JOHN: But I will learn Spanish! Some day!

RINGO: Yeah, and I'm going to write a good song! Some day!

PAUL: And I'm going to be on Broadway! Some day!

GEORGE: And I'm going to eat an egg sandwich! Tonight!

Q: Hey guys! Just a fact before I read you the next letter: did you know that in some Latin American countries you are called "las escobas cantarinas"?

RINGO: Las what?

Q: Escobas cantarinas! It means "The singing broomsticks"

JOHN: And why broomsticks?

GEORGE: Because of our hair, I suppose.

Q: Yeah! Here's the next one!

"_Dear Lovely Beatles,__  
__John: If you were all Alice In Wonderland characters, who would be who? And why?__  
__Paul: Alright Paul you and George are tied for third, happy? Mostly because I love owls. Come join my owls fan club. I'll make you an owl hat!__  
__Ringo: Don't worry Ringo, I did mean his cock. By the way I think you're a beautiful singer. They're just jealous their women voices aren't as low. Me and my best friend think you're the best Beatle. We wish we could hug you.__  
__George: I'll make you cookies. Like, a million cookies. And you will omnomnom forever. Also, STARRISON"_

JOHN: That's an awesome question! Alice In Wonderland is my favorite book! I would be the Cheshire cat, aren't we so alike? Our smiles are even similar!

PAUL: What about me?

JOHN: You are Alice!

PAUL: Why do I always have to be the girl?

GEORGE: Alice is a cute naïve girl who experiences being under drugs, I think. I actually don't know much about it. But anyway, it suits you.

JOHN: Ringo is the caterpillar!

RINGO: Isn't that the guy who smokes weed?

JOHN: It's not weed! He's a hookah-smoking caterpillar, exactly three inches high!

RINGO: Who would be George, then? I saw the movie and there was like a brown rabbit that was always high drinking tea, right? That's Geo.

JOHN: The March Hare! Yes, George! You're the March Hare!

RINGO: Why does Paul always gets the best? I mean, he's the protagonist. That's not fair.

PAUL: You're not getting my Alice role!

JOHN: It's all decided then! I'm the Cheshire cat, Paul's Alice, Ringo's the caterpillar and Geo's the March Hare.

Q: OK now! It's time for Paul to answer his part of the letter! I will read it to you again. _"__Paul: Alright Paul you and George are tied for third, happy? Mostly because I love owls. Come join my owls fan club. I'll make you an owl hat!"_

PAUL: Tied up with George for third? I am certainly not happy! But I do want an owl hat!

JOHN: You would look so cute with that thing on, aww.

Q: "_Ringo: Don't worry Ringo, I did mean his cock. By the way I think you're a beautiful singer. They're just jealous their women voices aren't as low. Me and my best friend think you're the best Beatle. We wish we could hug you."_

JOHN: I remember her! She wrote us for our past interview!

RINGO: Yes! She was the girl who said you're jealous of me because my nose is bigger than your COCK. _Yes, cock! _

JOHN: Well alright, you have the biggest one of us four, but that doesn't mean mine is _that _small!

RINGO: But it is! Still not tiny as Paul's. God, that little tiny insignificant thing.

PAUL: Shut up!

RINGO: And thank you so much! It makes me happy to know you like my singing voice. And you're right! They're also jealous of _that!_

PAUL: But I can be a Broadway actor because I reach high notes and you don't!

RINGO: I don't want to be on Broadway, anyway.

GEORGE: And you aren't Broadway material, Paul. They're serious people. Dick Lester doesn't mind if we improvise all the script for a movie, but in Broadway they took all of that very serious. And you can't act!

PAUL: I am a good actor!

GEORGE: You're not! Besides, when we did _A Hard Day's Night _Dick said I was the best actor!

RINGO: No! He said _I _was!

JOHN: Shut up! Ringo, finish answering your letter already! I'm tired!

RINGO: Of course I will! This letter made me so happy! Thanks to you, and your friend too! I'll send both of you a long distance hug!

Q: "_George: I'll make you cookies. Like, a million cookies. And you will omnomnom forever. Also, STARRISON"_

GEORGE: YES, I WANT COOKIES! RINGSY, WHY DON'T YOU EVER MAKE ME COOKIES?

JOHN: Yes Ringo, we want cookies. You better learn how to bake 'em.

GEORGE: _She _will make cookies for _me _and only _me!_

RINGO: And see? She said "Starrison" and not "McLennon". We have a lot of fans too!

PAUL: In your dreams. McLennon forever.

Q: Dearest Beatles, Beat-owls, Escarabajos, or whatever-your-name-is! I'm going to read George the last question a girl called Natasha Pavlova sent, and then we're done for today.

"_I have a question for Georgie: What kind of girls do you like? (When you're not with Ringo...) p.s. I LOVE YOU GEORGE!"_

GEORGE: I like the kind of girl whose name is Pattie Boyd.

RINGO: But you prefer me!

GEORGE: Actually I…

Q: Thank you boys! Say bye!

PAUL: Pablo, Juan, Jorge and Ricardo love you all!


	14. Mononucleosis

_**A/N Here's another one, I hope you like it! **_

Q: Good night, everyone! As a consequence of all the fame I have got because of these four guys, I know have my own show!

RINGO: As a consequence of living with these guys, I am sick!

GEORGE: I'm sick too! It's Paul's fault!

PAUL: What did I do? Besides, John and I are sick too!

RINGO: Everything is your fault!

JOHN: My head hurts!

RINGO: Mine too! And it's Paul's fault!

Q: Jeez… You truly look sick… What's the disease?

GEORGE: We can't tell.

Q: Why not?

RINGO: Because it's embarrassing! I don't even know how the hell it happened!

PAUL: It's mononucleosis.

Q: Isn't that called "The kissing disease"?

JOHN: Yep.

RINGO: I didn't kiss anyone, I swear!

GEORGE: It's Paul's fault!

PAUL: It isn't! We all enjoyed the orgy so much!

GEORGE: No! Jane had mono and you kissed her, then you kissed John, then John began to eat a waffle but didn't finish it, so I did, and I guess there were rests of John's saliva on it…

JOHN: And how do you explain Ringo getting it? I bet you two made out.

RINGO: Yes, we did!

GEORGE: No, we didn't!

PAUL: What happened to Starrison?

GEORGE: I don't care! I'm sick! I feel awful!

JOHN: It's your fault for eating that waffle!

GEORGE: It's your fault for kissing Paul!

JOHN: It's Jane's fault for kissing Paul!

RINGO: It's Paul's fault for being a slut!

Q: Boys! I get that you're sick… But fans still want you to answer fan letters!

"_Hey it's me again :)__  
__Ringo- you do know proboscis monkeys are considered handsome if their noses are bigger?__  
__Paul- I can imagine you as an "Beat-owl" so easily :)__  
__John- Bet you can't beat my record in failing tests (once in my test I got -1 cause I spelt my name wrong... Somehow, I manage to get good reports...)__  
__George- you're my favourite "Beat-owl" :)__And now onto my questions...__-can you give me £50?__  
__-how far east can you go until you're going west?__  
__-do I look fat?__  
__-If you could only wear one color for the rest of your life, which color would it be?__  
__-What's the color of your toothbrush?__  
__-If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?__  
__-On a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you with your life right now?__  
__-Do you prefer the sunrise or sunset?__  
__-Have you ever been in a car accident?__  
__-What kind of fashion sense attracts you?__  
__-What's your favorite hair style on a woman?__  
__-If a turtle looses it's shell is it naked or homeless?__  
__-If mouses are mice, why are houses not hice?__  
__-what do humanitarians eat?__  
__-If there is no such thing as a stupid question, then what is this?__  
__-Do we avoid risks in life to safely reach death?__  
__-If you go back in time and kill yourself, is it murder or is it suicide?__  
__-If "Guns don't kill people, people kill people" is true, then what about "Toasters don't toast toast, toast toast toast"?__  
__-Why do noses run and feet smell?__  
__-How do you make friends if are not supposed to talk to strangers?__  
__-Is a key a key if there is no lock?__  
__-Can you choose not to make a decision?__  
__-Is the fruit named after the color or the color after the fruit?__  
__-why is the word abbreviation so long?__  
__-if you had to kill some other Beatle, who would it be?__  
__-PIES_

_Ps, there's 7 waffles for them, 3 for George"_

RINGO: What the hell are proboscis monkeys?

GEORGE: A type of monkeys?

JOHN: You morons. They are also called the "long-nosed monkeys", and they are really awful like you, Ritch.

RINGO: But they are considered handsome if their noses are bigger!

PAUL: They are monkeys! They don't know what they want!

GEORGE: I bet monkeys are smarter than everyone thinks.

JOHN: I'm sure they are smarter than Ringo.

PAUL: She says she can imagine me as a "Beat-owl" se easily. I think it's because I would look cute with the owl hat some girl promised me. But you have to send it, dear!

RINGO: Shut the hell up, Paul. I hate you tonight.

JOHN: Just because he will have an owl hat and you won't?

RINGO: You shut up too! I hate you too!

JOHN: Minus 1? Jeez, the smallest number I have ever had in an exam is 0. I never spelt my name wrong, but sometimes I wrote other people's names.

GEORGE: And I'm her favorite!

Q: Now onto the questions! "_-can you give me £50?"_

JOHN: Sure.

PAUL: Yeah, just give us a direction or something and we'll send it to you.

GEORGE: I bet she wants the money to buy our records!

Q: "_-do I look fat?"_

JOHN: How can we know? We haven't seen you.

PAUL: Anyway, a man can never tell a woman that she's fat, but a woman can tell a man that he is.

JOHN: Then why does George always says I'm fat?

PAUL: Because a man can tell a man that he's fat.

RINGO: Can a woman tell a woman that she's fat?

PAUL: If they are friends, no. If they are enemies, yes.

RINGO: That's confusing.

JOHN: _Breakfast _is confusing for you.

RINGO: Because we eat waffles as breakfast _and _dinner! How can I not be confused?

Q: "_-If you could only wear one color for the rest of your life, which color would it be?"_

RINGO: Black.

JOHN: Yes, black.

RINGO: Don't be a copy-cat! Choose your own color!

JOHN: No! My favorite color is green, but I wouldn't go out with green pants!

PAUL: Blue.

GEORGE: I don't know. Grey?

JOHN: We always wear those little suits Brian buys us, and they are all the same.

Q: "_-What's the color of your toothbrush?"_

RINGO: I always lose them in hotel rooms, so I always have to buy new ones.

GEORGE: Mine is white.

JOHN: Mine is white too!

GEORGE: What are you saying, John? Yours is green.

JOHN: The green one is mine? I thought mine was the white one!

GEORGE: So you used my toothbrush!?

JOHN: THAT'S DISGUSTING!

GEORGE: YOU ARE THE DISGUSTING ONE!

PAUL: Mine is blue.

RINGO: Like my eyes!

JOHN: And my underwear!

Q: "_-If quizzes are quizzical then what are tests?"_

RINGO: If quizzes are quizzical, tests are… testical?

JOHN: Tests are a bloody dumb way of proving one's knowledge, because you truly don't prove anything. A bloody test can't judge the intelligence of someone.

Q: "_-On a scale of 1 to 10, how happy are you with your life right now?"_

PAUL: Nine!

RINGO: I would say eight, but I'm sick, so six.

JOHN: I would say eight, but I don't want to agree with Ringo. So yes, Macca, nine!

GEORGE: I'm sick and pissed because John used my toothbrush. I'm hungry and sleepy as well. Right now, I'm six. When I get to eat, sleep, buy a new toothbrush and my disease is gone… Nine!

Q: "_-Do you prefer the sunrise or sunset?"_

GEORGE: I could sleep well in both.

JOHN: Sunset, definitely.

PAUL: Yes! Do you remember our first kiss? It was in the sunset!

RINGO: I don't want to hear anything about kisses right now!

Q: "_-Have you ever been in a car accident?"_

RINGO: Who hasn't?

GEORGE: One time our van almost tripped over. I thought I was going to die.

PAUL: And if John's driving, the possibilities of suffering an accident increase.

JOHN: I can drive!

PAUL: You can't! You are an awful driver!

RINGO: Yes, you are! Cyn was complaining about that the other day!

Q: "_-What kind of fashion sense attracts you?"_

JOHN: Anything but these suits Brian makes us wear.

PAUL: But we look cute! They're like Beatle uniforms!

RINGO: Fashion sense? I don't know much about it. But if it's comfy, I'll wear it.

GEORGE: If it's tight, Paul will wear it.

JOHN: And he takes off his shirt whenever he can! He's the Beatle with more shirtless photos!

PAUL: But you are so fucking weird! There are times when we are laying down in the sun only wearing shorts, and you have pants, boots and even a scarf!

Q: "_-What's your favorite hair style on a woman?"_

JOHN: Cyn's hair is awesome.

PAUL: I like my mop-top!

GEORGE: But that's not a girl hairstyle!

RINGO: Can you imagine a girl with a mop-top?

JOHN: Paul is in front of you.

Q: "_-If a turtle looses it's shell is it naked or homeless?__"_

RINGO: Naked _and _homeless. Poor thing!

JOHN: It's dead! If a turtle loses its shell it dies!

PAUL: Turtles are cute. I want a turtle hat as well!

Q: "_-If mouses are mice, why are houses not hice?__"_

GEORGE: How the hell do you come up with those questions?

PAUL: We should write a song about it! _"If mouses are mice, why are houses not hice, if mouses are mice, why are you not mine?" _

JOHN: _"If warriors win wars, and they go to Mars, if mouses are mice, why are you not mine?"_

RINGO: It has a great tune… but it doesn't make sense!

PAUL: It doesn't have to make sense! Q: "_-what do humanitarians eat?__"_

RINGO: People?

GEORGE: Food?

JOHN: You morons.

Q: "_-If there is no such thing as a stupid question, then what is this?__"_

JOHN: There _is _such thing as a stupid question! ― "Who are The Beatles?" ― that's a stupid question.

PAUL: "Does Paul McCartney shape his eyebrows?" ― another stupid question.

GEORGE: "Are John and Paul straight?"

RINGO: "Is George NOT hungry?" ― the stupidest of them all.

Q: "_-Do we avoid risks in life to safely reach death?__"_

GEORGE: Your questions are so creative, girl! But I just don't know how to answer them!

JOHN: But I do! We avoid risks because we want to push aside the day of our death as far as we can.

Q: "_-If you go back in time and kill yourself, is it murder or is it suicide?"_

RINGO: Who would actually do that?

GEORGE: I assume it is both.

PAUL: If I go back in time I would proudly look at myself teaching John how to tune his guitar, playing our first gigs…

Q: "_-If "Guns don't kill people, people kill people" is true, then what about "Toasters don't toast toast, toast toast toast"?__"_

RINGO: Oh, the English language and its complications!

GEORGE: What about "George doesn't eat waffles, waffles eat waffles"?

PAUL: "Humans doesn't fish fish, fish fish fish"

GEORGE: Fish can't fish fish!

PAUL: And waffles can't eat waffles!

Q: "_-Why do noses run and feet smell?__"_

JOHN: For the same reason Paul has incredibly long eyelashes.

PAUL: And the same reason George's always hungry.

RINGO: And the same reason we are all sick of mononucleosis.

GEORGE: Exactly! Because of Paul's fault!

PAUL: Are you saying noses run and feet smell because of my fault?

GEORGE AND RINGO: Yes!

Q: "_-How do you make friends if are not supposed to talk to strangers?__"_

JOHN: Because that's what grown-ups say, and you shall never listen to them.

RINGO: You have a child. So you're practically a grown-up.

GEORGE: John? Nah, he's more childish than his own son.

Q: "_-Is a key a key if there is no lock?__"_

PAUL: That's the same as asking "Are the Beatles The Beatles if there's no Paul?"

JOHN: A key is a key no matter what.

GEORGE: And we are The Beatles no matter what!

Q: "_-Can you choose not to make a decision?__"_

JOHN: When you choose not to make a decision, you are already making one.

Q: "_-Is the fruit named after the color or the color after the fruit?"_

RINGO: Which fruit?

JOHN: Oranges, I suppose.

PAUL: I don't like them.

RINGO: I think the color was named after the fruit.

GEORGE: I think I'm hungry.

Q: "_-why is the word abbreviation so long?"_

GEORGE: Why am I not in bed resting because I feel awful?

RINGO: Why did Paul have to get us all sick?

PAUL: Why are you still blaming me?

JOHN: Why are we asking silly questions?

Q: Why are you not answering the original question?

RINGO: Because we don't know the answer. Isn't it obvious?

Q: "_-if you had to kill some other Beatle, who would it be?"_

PAUL: No one!

GEORGE: Yeah, I wouldn't kill even a tiny animal…

RINGO: You killed a bug this morning.

GEORGE: Shut up!

JOHN: We love each other.

RINGO: Each other? So you love me too?

JOHN: Moron.

Q: "_-PIES"_

GEORGE: Yes, pies! Let's have pies as dinner!

JOHN: Did you know that "pies" means "feet" in Spanish?

PAUL: Yes, John, you spent all morning saying it.

Q: "_Ps, there's 7 waffles for them, 3 for George"_

RINGO: Seven waffles for me, seven for John, seven for Paul, and three for George?

GEORGE: No! Three for me, one for you, one for Paul and one for John.

JOHN: But three plus three is six! There is one waffle left!

GEORGE: That means there are four for me and one for each of you!

Q: No! That means there is also a waffle for the interviewer!

PAUL: But she can share it with us!

RINGO: No! We will not share food again! Not after we all got sick of mononucleosis!

Q: I have another letter, boys! Listen up!

"_Dear the Beatles (or Beat-Owls),__  
__I have to say to get this off my chest: I really hate owls. They scare me, not as bad as butterflies scare me but they scare me and I like the idea of Ringo being a dog (not as an insult. I like dogs more. They're loyal). John- I relate to you the most because my grandma raised me most of my childhood and I never knew my biological dad before he died. We are both bad ass bastards. (despite the fact I said butterflies and owls scare me, I am pretty awesome.) Paul- I love Little Women too and you remind me of my mum and this one person I have a crush on(I'm not revealing gender cause of reasons). Also my friend said you looked like a chipmunk and they said I looked like a chipmunk. So we both are a part of The People that Look Like Chipmunks Club. George-You're the most attractive out of all the other Beatles. Seriously I love your fangs. Bite me any day, I won't mind. Ringo- We have the same eye color. Okay mine are greyer and greener. I'm the shortest of my friends too. Also Your nose is aweome and if I could have a one night stand with one of you guys, it'd be you. To everyone- Happy New Year. Signed, Amythest V. Bell (P.S. I'll send chocolate to whoever guesses my middle name correctly.)"_

PAUL: You hate owls? But they are pretty!

GEORGE: Yes, they are pretty, but butterflies are not!

JOHN: Wait, are you telling me you're afraid of butterflies too?

GEORGE: No! I'm just saying they are ugly!

RINGO: And she likes the idea of me being a dog! I like it too! I could pee whenever and wherever I want!

Q: "_John- I relate to you the most because my grandma raised me most of my childhood and I never knew my biological dad before he died. We are both bad ass bastards. (despite the fact I said butterflies and owls scare me, I am pretty awesome.)"_

JOHN: It flatters that you can relate to me! How's your grandma? I'm sure she isn't as annoying as Mimi.

PAUL: Mimi can be fucking annoying if she wants, but she also loves you.

JOHN: Yes, I know. Who doesn't love me?

GEORGE: Remember the interview when she was here? It was hilarious!

JOHN: Well, hooray for bad-asses bastards!

Q: "_Paul- I love Little Women too and you remind me of my mum and this one person I have a crush on(I'm not revealing gender cause of reasons). Also my friend said you looked like a chipmunk and they said I looked like a chipmunk. So we both are a part of The People that Look Like Chipmunks Club."_

PAUL: "Little Women" is bloody awesome! We should create a fan-club of it too!

GEORGE: Why does everything need a fan-club?

RINGO: See, Paul? We told ya you like a chipmunk?

JOHN: The most adorable chipmunk of them all!

PAUL: Aw, do I remind you of the person you have a crush on? That's cute! If you need any love advices, don't doubt on asking me!

Q: "_George-You're the most attractive out of all the other Beatles. Seriously I love your fangs. Bite me any day, I won't mind."_

GEORGE: I'm so flattered! But I can't bite anyone right now because I have mononucleosis because of Paul's fault!

PAUL: And why is it my fault? It's not like I kissed you!

JOHN: Did you, Paul? Did you cheat on me?

GEORGE: No, he didn't! If he ever tries anything I will stop him!

JOHN: You won't! No one can resist the Macca-charms!

GEORGE: But I'm not queer!

PAUL: If you are not, then stop saying it's my fault!

RINGO: It's your fault because after you got it, everyone mysteriously got sick too!

PAUL: Then maybe John made out with you two after he got sick because of me!

JOHN: But I didn't do anything!

GEORGE: Yes you did! You left that unfinished waffle on top of the table for me to bite it and get sick!

RINGO: And me? How the hell am I sick if I didn't even touch that waffle?

Q: Everybody quiet! "_Ringo- We have the same eye color. Okay mine are greyer and greener. I'm the shortest of my friends too. Also Your nose is aweome and if I could have a one night stand with one of you guys, it'd be you. To everyone- Happy New Year. Signed, Amythest V. Bell (P.S. I'll send chocolate to whoever guesses my middle name correctly.)"_

RINGO: Hooray for people with light eyes! And do you really like my nose? If that's so, you can be part of my fan-club! Speak with the president; she will surely let you in! And thank you about choosing me for a one night stand, but I have a girlfriend, so…

GEORGE: Happy new year to you too! We're in February already!

JOHN: Is your middle name Victoria?

PAUL: Veronica?

GEORGE: Valerie?

RINGO: Vivian?

Q: I hope she'll write a reply with the real name! Now another letter!

"_Hey, it's my favorite band of all time! :D__John, I just wanna say I love your sense of humor and the way you act. Winning an argument is no problem for you.__Paul, you are just so ADORABLE! I really wanna cuddle with you and feel how soft your hair is. By the way, my cousin thinks you're a fattie and he says you look like a turtle.__George, you are probably the coolest in the group, being quiet and having a relationship with food. How can you eat so much yet be the skinniest (like me) Plus, if you had facial hair, I bet you would look awesome!__Ringo, you are so kind and funny, just the boy I want. John has no right to make fun of your nose. It's your best feature aside from your blue puppy dog eyes. Also, my same cousin thinks you look like a lobster.__Anyways, keep up being awesome.__  
__From your fellow Beatlemaniac, Lauren_

_These totally make my day!"_

JOHN: Yes! My sense of humor and jokes are just bastardly awesome!

PAUL: "Bastardly?"

JOHN: Yes, bastardly!

Q: "_Paul, you are just so ADORABLE! I really wanna cuddle with you and feel how soft your hair is. By the way, my cousin thinks you're a fattie and he says you look like a turtle."_

PAUL: I know I'm so adorable, and caressing my hair feels like heaven, but… fattie? I'm not a fattie! I used to be a fat schoolboy, but those days are over y'know… I'm not fat! I'm almost as skinny as George.

GEORGE: You wish!

JOHN: Don't be mean with Paulie!

PAUL: And why turtle? I mean, yes, they are cute… But why? Their faces are all wrinkled, and mine is immaculate! I take good care of my skin!

RINGO: Calm down… You're overreacting.

PAUL: I am not! Why does she have to call me fat when I'm not?

RINGO: For the same reason John always insults me. Move on with life, kid.

Q: "_George, you are probably the coolest in the group, being quiet and having a relationship with food. How can you eat so much yet be the skinniest (like me) Plus, if you had facial hair, I bet you would look awesome!"_

GEORGE: Yes! I'm so cool, aren't I?

JOHN: Nope, you aren't.

GEORGE: And well, who knows why the more I eat, the skinniest I become? I think it's a gift of God.

JOHN: It's your metabolism, moron.

RINGO: How many times have you used that word today?

JOHN: What word? Moron? Do you think I count how many times I say something? Moron.

GEORGE: And about the facial hair… Not yet! I'm still so young!

Q: "_Ringo, you are so kind and funny, just the boy I want. John has no right to make fun of your nose. It's your best feature aside from your blue puppy dog eyes. Also, my same cousin thinks you look like a lobster."_

RINGO: You have no right, John!

JOHN: Your eyes are your best feature because clearly your intelligence and talent for songwriting aren't.

RINGO: I may not be as good as songwriting as you, but you can't play the drums like I do!

JOHN: What do you mean by "I'm not as good as you"? George is not as good as me, but at least he has written something!

RINGO: I have tried!

Q: "_Anyways, keep up being awesome.__  
__From your fellow Beatlemaniac, Lauren"_

JOHN: We will. Especially me, because I'm the most awesome. Thank you.

GEORGE: Next letter!

Q: "_John: I'm just wondering, on a scale from 1-Ringo, how big is your nose? Also, if you could be anywhere in the world right now where would it be (and don't say some queer joke about Paul, even if they are sexy!)__  
__Ringo: I'm just boosting John's ego by 'making fun' of your nose. It's nice. You'll grow into as you get older. Also, don't feel bad about not writing or singing so much now, I'm pretty sure you will get your chance in the future!__  
__Paul: I'm just wondering, which one of you, do you think, will be the first to... Pass? Also, you're not a girl. Because it would be wrong for me to live you so much if you were.__  
__George: if you could be anywhere right now where would you be (and don't say something about eating. I know you probably will though) Also, how a scale of 1- McLennon how creepy is yours and Ringo's relationship?__To all of you, you are all amazing, and sexy. Yes, John, you're the 'smart' one because you're just a smart ass. Ringo, you are the funny one. Because... Well... No explanation needed. Paul, yeah, 'the cute one' could describe you, but cute is for children. The term in hot, just so you know. And George, yeah, you're the quiet one, but most importantly you're the hungry one._  
_Now, would any (or all of you) sing a few lines of one of your songs for me? I'll die a happy girl if you do!__  
__Shelby"_

JOHN: How big is my nose in scale 1-Ringo? Well, I'm sure you have seen it!

PAUL: I think by "nose" she means your… hum… y'know….

JOHN: My what, Macca?

PAUL: I'll answer for you, then! Well… John's "nose" is like a five.

JOHN: Only five?

GEORGE: If the girl asked about noses, why do you have to turn everything into something related to sex? Jeez…

JOHN: And if I could be anywhere in the world right now, it would be on a lovely big bed, sleeping like a log, without anyone bothering me.

GEORGE: I agree! We are sick and we were forced to assist to another lame interview.

PAUL: You'd prefer to be inside me.

JOHN: I'd be there, and then I would sleep.

RINGO: Morons.

JOHN: THAT'S MY LINE, NOT YOURS! BLOODY COPY-CAT!

Q: "_Ringo: I'm just boosting John's ego by 'making fun' of your nose. It's nice. You'll grow into as you get older. Also, don't feel bad about not writing or singing so much now, I'm pretty sure you will get your chance in the future!"_

GEORGE: I think the girl really meant nose, not "nose". You perverts!

JOHN: If that's so, my nose is like a three.

RINGO: I don't know what to say.

JOHN: If you don't know what to say just keep your mouth shut, moron.

RINGO: I hope I will get my chance in the future!

JOHN: And I hope Brian will let us sleep more! But life is unfair, son.

Q: "_Paul: I'm just wondering, which one of you, do you think, will be the first to... Pass? Also, you're not a girl. Because it would be wrong for me to live you so much if you were."_

PAUL: To die? None of us, we're immortal!

JOHN: Probably me.

PAUL: Shut up!

RINGO: Well, I'm the oldest, so…

GEORGE: God will decide!

JOHN: Shut up George. Stop trying to be religious.

PAUL: I know! I can't be a girl!

GEORGE: Why not?

JOHN: And what's the matter with being lesbian? They are smoking hot.

PAUL: I would totally watch lesbian porn.

RINGO: You would totally watch any kind of porn.

PAUL: Shut up.

Q: "_George: if you could be anywhere right now where would you be (and don't say something about eating. I know you probably will though) Also, how a scale of 1- McLennon how creepy is yours and Ringo's relationship?"_

GEORGE: In a paradise with limitless food and a king-sized bed.

RINGO: Our relationship isn't creepy like McLennon. Not at all.

PAUL: But we are not creepy!

GEORGE: Yes you are!

RINGO: Especially when you role play!

JOHN: One time I was Laurie and Paul was Jo, from "Little Women". I am totally more like Jo than Paul, who's like Meg, but Paul has to be girl…

PAUL: And we once played as school enemies, and other time we were our younger selves!

GEORGE: See? That's creepy! So we're like a two

RINGO: I'd say three

Q: "_To all of you, you are all amazing, and sexy. Yes, John, you're the 'smart' one because you're just a smart ass. Ringo, you are the funny one. Because... Well... No explanation needed. Paul, yeah, 'the cute one' could describe you, but cute is for children. The term in hot, just so you know. And George, yeah, you're the quiet one, but most importantly you're the hungry one._

___Now, would any (or all of you) sing a few lines of one of your songs for me? I'll die a happy girl if you do!__  
__Shelby_"

PAUL: "The Hot Beatle", I like that!

GEORGE: But right now we're all the "Sick Beatles"

RINGO: And I still don't know why I got sick!

JOHN: Because you made out with George, we all know!

RINGO: I think I know what happened! George, remember when you sneezed all over my face this morning?

JOHN: I don't care. We're sick, tired and hungry.

GEORGE: Bye, bye, Beatle people!

Q: I'm the one who's supposed to say when the interviews are over!

JOHN: I don't care. We're sick, tired and hungry.

Q: You already said that… But alright… I guess we're done for now!

PAUL: Hey! She asked for us to sing… _Imagine I'm in love with you, it's easy 'cause I know…_

JOHN: _I've imagined, I'm in love with you, many, many, many times before…_

GEORGE: _It's not like me to pretend, but I'll get you, I'll get you in the end…_

RINGO: _Yes, I―_

JOHN: Shut up, Ringo! You can't sing!

RINGO: _YES I WILL, I'LL GET YOU IN THE END!_

PAUL: Bye, bye Beatlemaniacs! You're all awesome!

JOHN: But not as much as I am!


	15. The horror

_**A/N: Hey, I'm alive! This is my first update since February, I think. Well, I hope you still like these interviews. **_

_**A Guest asked about where did I hear of Breck hair care. And well, to answer you, I just found it on Google, really.**_

_**Thank you for everyone who sended the fan-letters, you can still send more, and if you haven't seen yours yet, just remember there are still some on hold. I copied and pasted the fan-letters just as readers sent it to me; I didn't change a letter in them.**_

_**I wanted to add Mal, Neil and Brian in the beggining. The user "EveningInHornersCorners" was the one who reviewed about wanting Brian to appear. I know it's short, but I hope it's enough! Maybe he'll participate more in future interviews!**_

* * *

MAL: That's it! Stop it, you two!

Q: Huh? Stop what?

MAL: John and Paul!

BRIAN: Again? What did they do this time?

NEIL: We caught them… _again._

JOHN: Why does everyone keep walking on us?

NEIL: Why do you never shut the door and make out everywhere?

RINGO: Bah, I'm used to it. I once caught them on my own house.

NEIL: Up against the wall!

BRIAN: They broke my coffee table!

GEORGE: Inside the closet!

MAL: In the van!

BRIAN: In the back seat of my car!

GEORGE: Inside an elevator!

RINGO: And in a good amount of loos!

PAUL: Stop it, will you?

Q: I have to agree with Paul! We have to start today's interview! Now, we have three more people with us, because apparently my sanity isn't something people worry about. Introduce yourselves?

BRIAN: I'm the Beatles' manager.

GEORGE: Why so serious, Eppy? Tell them more! Tell them about how you found us!

JOHN: Yes, Eppy! Tell them how much you fancy me!

GEORGE: Will you fucking behave, Lennon?!

BRIAN: It all began one October 28 of 1961…

RINGO: You remember? Gee, sometimes I even forget John's middle name.

BRIAN: A lad came into my record store and asked for a Beatles' record. It was difficult to find it, because it was under the name of "Tony Sheridan and the Beat Brothers", but once I found it, one thing led to another, and there I was, walking to the stinky Cavern to hear them.

Q: Yes, I knew about you, Brian. You're the one that sets up the interviews, after all. Now, who are the other two men?

NEIL: I'm Neil and he's Mal. We're friends and rodies!

RINGO: Run fast before they try to turn you into a queer!

MAL: Yes, we better go now… Let's get something to eat, Neil.

GEORGE: Eat? Food? Hungry? _Yes!_

BRIAN: Unfortunately, I'm sure you have plenty of fan letters to answer.

Q: And boy, you do!

GEORGE: But I want to eat!

NEIL: Bye, everyone! It was a pleasure making a TV appearance!

BRIAN: We'll pick you up when we're done, lads.

PAUL: You're leaving us?!

RINGO: Life's not easy, kid.

Q: Alright! First letter!  
_"__Dear Beat-Owls ,__  
__it seems that you 4 get REALL friendly in these interviews ! should we start keeping score on the whole McLennon and Starrison thing ?__  
__Paul you totes look like a girl , but hey ! at least your pretty . :)__  
__John you are a fantastic bastard and don't let anyone tell you different ! even though your nose fan club has revlatively less than Ringo's.__  
__Ringo I would be honored to be Vice President of your nose fan club , your awesome .__  
__George your relationship with food is a better love story than Titanic . kudos to you sir .__so I heres my questions ,if you could change your names what would they be ?__  
__what's your favorite animal a lion or a bear ?__  
__what would you do before the apoclype ?__Love always and forever , Bianca ."_

GEORGE: I can't believe that something that started as a simple joke went _that _further. I mean, McLennon? Starrison?

JOHN: What joke are you talking about?

RINGO: Yes, George, what joke?

GEORGE: Agh, you are impossible!

PAUL: I look like a girl but I'm pretty. Should I be flattered?

JOHN: I'm the fantastic bastard. So I'm the one that should be flattered.

PAUL: That's not fair!

RINGO: Relax, kid. You're still the "cute Beatle"

JOHN: And we have to talk about that bloody fan-club for Ringo's nose!

RINGO: She wants to be vice-president of _my _fan-club and not yours!

JOHN: _I'm _the president of my own fan-club! And Paul's the vice-president!

PAUL: Wait, what?

JOHN: Don't you adore my nose?

PAUL: I can't say no… But there are certainly parts of your body that I like better.

JOHN: …Like what?

GEORGE: So hey! A better love story than Titanic? I didn't know Titanic was a love story… It's a _tragic _one, ain't it?

PAUL: Imagine everything that died on that ship! Not only the people, but also a lot of dreams, hopes, romances!

RINGO: You look like a girl _and _sound like one. Just lovely.

Q: Don't forget about the questions, boys!  
_"so I heres my questions ,if you could change your names what would they be ?__  
__what's your favorite animal a lion or a bear ?__  
__what would you do before the apoclype ?__Love always and forever , Bianca ."_

RINGO: I practically changed my name from Richard Starkey to Ringo Starr, so…

PAUL: I like my name! In the past I liked to call myself Paul Ramone, but nah, that's an old story. Maybe I would eliminate the "James"? I love you dad, but seriously? James Paul?

JOHN: I like my name. The bad thing is that it's such a common name… Nevertheless the four of us have common names. There must be plenty of Paul McCartneys and George Harrisons out there.

GEORGE: Mmm… Maybe I would change it to Georges?

JOHN: No, thank you. One George is enough.

GEORGE: It's a French name! There was a guy in Hamburg whose name was that!

JOHN: And you shagged him? Jesus, then you say I'm the queer one.

GEORGE: No, I just met him and I thought his name was really cool!

JOHN: Maybe I would eliminate the "Winston". Reminds me of Churchill so much. But then again, I like it 50% of the time.

Q: And the question about if you preferred a lion or a bear?

RINGO: Bear? They're friendlier, I think.

GEORGE: _Teddy bears _are friendlier. I don't think you want to come across a real one.

JOHN: But you have to be more specific about what kind of bear! Polar bear? Panda bear? Brown bear? Asian black bear?

PAUL: I like panda bears!

JOHN: Bet you would look extremely adorable with a panda hat.

GEORGE: Lions!

JOHN: Yes, lions! But fuck off! I always have to be the original one!

GEORGE: _You _fuck off!

Q: Alright… And about the apocalypse?

GEORGE: Pray?

JOHN: Fucking pray? More like a fucking orgy?

PAUL: You would choose an orgy over me?!

JOHN: I thought you would be in it!

PAUL: It's the apocalypse! Which means we'll die! Which means people have to choose to spend their last moments with their loved ones!

RINGO: I would kidnap my mates until they agree to add one of my songs to our next record.

PAUL: Those are not songs. Those are random lyrics with an already existing tune.

JOHN: Remember that song about dogs with the tune of "Heartbreak Hotel"? It didn't even rhyme!

GEORGE: Song about dogs with the tune of that Elvis classic? I didn't hear that one!

RINGO: You were ordering more waffles.

Q: Alright, next! "_Hello, Beat-owls! :D (By the way, owls are my favorite animal. You should seriously consider changing your name.)__  
__Some questions for you:__  
__John: Which do you like better, platypi or aardvarks?__  
__Paul: What is your favorite ice cream flavor?__  
__Ringo: Would you rather eat your least favorite food or a million waffles (in one sitting)?__  
__George: MARRY ME! Ahem... sorry. Like I was saying, what would you do if you were transported to the future with no way back to your own time?__  
__Beat-owls, you are the best band ever, and it would be so amazing if you would pay me a visit... or at least tell me where and when your next concert is.__  
__Love,__  
__Mrs. Harrison__  
__Um, I mean, an anonymous George- I mean, Beatles- fan 3 :D__  
__P.S. Ringo's nose is not ugly, John!"_

GEORGE: Wow! Everyone made such a big deal about the "Beat-owls" thingy!

RINGO: Meh. I wouldn't mind changing the name.

JOHN: So, why did she ask?

Q: "Which do you like better, platypi or aardvarks"

JOHN: What's that supposed to mean? Platypuses or sharks?

PAUL: My favorite ice-cream flavor? If I say vanilla is that too cliché?

Q: _"Ringo: Would you rather eat your least favorite food or a million waffles (in one sitting)?"_

RINGO: My stomach isn't like George's. I _do_ gain weight, and I _do_ get full. I guess I'd have to eat my least favorite food.

GEORGE: Coward!

Q: _"George: MARRY ME! Ahem... sorry. Like I was saying, what would you do if you were transported to the future with no way back to your own time?"_

GEORGE: I just keep getting and getting these marriage proposals…

JOHN: Yeah, sure, Mr. Popular.

GEORGE: Was that sarcasm?

JOHN: Indeed!

GEORGE: Well… One can never know! It could be something kind of near like the 70s, or a year like 5000… I don't know… I guess I'll freak out? And then eat? And then go to a record store to see if they still sell our records?

Q:_ "Beat-owls, you are the best band ever, and it would be so amazing if you would pay me a visit... or at least tell me where and when your next concert is.__  
__Love,__  
__Mrs. Harrison__  
__Um, I mean, an anonymous George- I mean, Beatles- fan 3 :D__  
__P.S. Ringo's nose is not ugly, John!"_

JOHN: If people keep saying we're the best band ever, I'm seriously going to start believing it.

GEORGE: And when is our next concert, lads?

PAUL: Eppy knows.

RINGO: Yeah, ask Eppy, girl!

JOHN: And you're right, girl. Ringo's nose is not ugly: it is horrendous.

Q: There's more! "_Dear Beatles,__Greetings from America! I loooooooooooooooove you guys so much and you make the best music! My first question is for Paul. First, Paul, I love how babyfaced cute you are. Do you do something to your eyebrows? They can't possibly look so precise all the time! Second, John. Firstly, claps for you for being such a fantastic bastard. (I'm clapping but you can't see 'cuz this is a letter.) (P.S. You're my favorite.^^) I dare you, yes dare you, to go the rest of the interview without swearing. Third, George. I love your accent! Especially when you pronounce your r' s.^^ What's the one food you'd NEVER eat? And finally Ringo. I think your nose is cute. And it goes good with your baby blue eyes! Since your the oldest, are you the most mature?__Alright, I love you guys!__Love, Kirstin"_

PAUL: I love how baby-faced cute I am too, hun. Now, for the millionth time: my eyebrows are just perfect and I don't do anything to them!

RINGO: You're never going to admit the truth, are you?

PAUL: What truth?

RINGO: That you shape your eyebrows and wear fake lashes!

PAUL: OK, YOU WENT TOO FAR, THAT'S NOT TRUE!

JOHN: Fake lashes, really Ringo?

GEORGE: Yes, Ringo, you don't want to make Paul angry. He gets so bitchy.

JOHN: Anyway. Claps for me, because I'm such a fantastic bastard and everyone keeps reminding it to me! And I'm everyone's favorite Beatle and they keep reminding it to me, too!

GEORGE: Let's go to the interesting part, where you can't swear for the rest of the interview.

JOHN: Hell, that's not fair!

GEORGE: That counts as a swear! No "hell", "bloody", "fuck", "damn" or something similar!

Q: "_Third, George. I love your accent! Especially when you pronounce your r' s.^^ What's the one food you'd NEVER eat?"_

GEORGE: Well, thank you! Mmm… something I'd never eat? Maybe bugs?

RINGO: That's not food.

JOHN: It is for some animals, and we're all mammals too.

GEORGE: Or raw meat. Who likes undercooked meals?

PAUL: I'm sure that if you spend three complete days without eating, and then we give you a dish with raw meat, you won't think twice before eating the whole thing.

Q: "_And finally Ringo. I think your nose is cute. And it goes good with your baby blue eyes! Since your the oldest, are you the most mature?__Alright, I love you guys!__Love, Kirstin"_

PAUL: Cute? That adjective can only be used to talk about me!

JOHN: And Ringo the most mature? Pfff…

RINGO: Maybe I am!

JOHN: Didn't we all agree that even Julian is more mature than us?

GEORGE: But I think I'm mature!

JOHN: As mature as raw meat?

RINGO: No, I am, because I'm the one who ends fights!

PAUL: You also start them!

Q: You have plenty of time to discuss that _after _the interview, all right? Now let's move on!

"_Hey it's me again,__  
__Sorry for being weird and immature the last time. I have grown up and moved on. Alright, question time!__  
__-Why do you pick on Ringo? He's a cute, big-nosed, kind-hearted, Little, puppy-dog.__  
__-What's you're first memory?__  
__-Is George really a vampire?__  
__-What shampoo do you use? Can you give me some?__  
__-Baths or showers?__  
__-Favorite item of clothing?__  
__-Paul and John do you need therapy for ego problems?__  
__-Blondes, brunettes or red-heads?__  
__-Do you miss your old DA hairstyles?__  
__- What year is this?__  
__-Spoons, forks, chopsticks?__  
__I'm done now. I still love you and my future children will grow up singing your songs (why did I put that there?) I don't know spanish but I can speak welsh so__  
__Wrindaguradi (i said I could speak it not spell it)__  
__Meg"_

JOHN: Why do we, or most specifically, _I _pick on Ringo? He deserves it.

RINGO: I'm a little puppy-dog!

GEORGE: Bark, puppy, bark!

RINGO: Hey!

Q: "_-What's you're first memory?"_

RINGO: I think I talked about this in the first interview… But I do remember fondly that time when I was finally out of my mom's belly…

JOHN: First memory? Me crying in the crib and the neighbors complaining.

PAUL: My dad playing the piano while I was still inside my mother's belly.

GEORGE: Ah, the first time I tried that warm breast-milk.

_Q: "-Is George really a vampire?"_

JOHN: I don't know. Are you, George?

GEORGE: Wait, what?

RINGO: I hope you're not…

PAUL: I don't like vampires.

JOHN: They scare you, Macca?

GEORGE: I can't possibly be one!

JOHN: Your pale skin and teeth tell another story.

RINGO: And your appetite!

Q: "_-What shampoo do you use? Can you give me some?"_

PAUL: Like I told before, I use Breck shampoo, and the other three use it too, because I'm the one who buys it ―or orders someone to buy it―, and that's what they find when they decide they are dirty enough to take a bath ―or at least a shower―. But seriously, Breck shampoo is the best. I would give you some, but I only have one bottle left which I'll use tonight, but you can find it everywhere!

JOHN: Not _everywhere. _You can't find it on a lion's cage, or inside my wallet, or inside Ringo's nose.

GEORGE: I think I emptied the last bottle when I showered while you were _trying _to write a song with John…

PAUL: You what?!

RINGO: George, what did you do?! Run fast and go buy the kid a set of ten bottles or he's never going to forgive you!

PAUL: The horror!

JOHN: It's pretty late, actually. All the shops will be closed by the time we come out.

PAUL: That's it; I'll take my bath in your house, John. You live with Cyn. She is a girl. She must have Breck shampoo.

JOHN: Did you just forget the fact that she is in Kensington and we're in America?

PAUL: The horror!

Q: "_-Baths or showers?"_

PAUL: Is that even a question? Baths!

GEORGE: Yeah, sometimes that's what you need after a hard day's night.

RINGO: I like bubbles!

JOHN: Do they fit inside your nose?

Q: "_-Favorite item of clothing?"_

JOHN: Definitely _not _ties.

RINGO: Different item of clothing? People have that?

GEORGE: Girls do. And they are people. So yeah.

RINGO: Do _men _have that?

JOHN: We can always ask Brian, or Paul.

GEORGE: Do you have, Paul?

PAUL: Why do you assume I have a favorite item of clothing?

GEORGE: I don't know. Why are there some people that think I'm a vampire?

JOHN: Why do people that like Ringo's nose exist?

RINGO: Why does John never shut up?

Q: "_-Paul and John do you need therapy for ego problems?__"_

GEORGE: They sure do.

JOHN: We're fine.

RINGO: You're definitely not fine.

PAUL: We don't have time for therapy, anyways.

JOHN: I can _always_ be your therapist.

PAUL: Get me a bottle of shampoo, and I'll consider it.

JOHN: Damn you, George!

GEORGE: YOU SWEARED!

JOHN: That's not a fucking swear!

RINGO: Johnny-boy has lost the bet!

Q: "_-Blondes, brunettes or red-heads?"_

JOHN: Blondes. I love blondes. Like Bardot.

PAUL: My girlfriend is a red-head and she's really hot.

RINGO: As long as she has a good heart…

JOHN: Cut that crap!

GEORGE: Language, John!

JOHN: Why don't you die your hair blonde, Paulie?

PAUL: Why don't you die your hair red?

JOHN: It's auburn; kind of reddish, don't you think?

PAUL: Yeah, I love it.

JOHN: Mmmm… But no, don't die your hair blonde; you're kind of the reason why I like brunettes.

GEORGE: Why does it have to be like this every time?

Q: "_-Do you miss your old DA hairstyles?"_

PAUL: I love my mop-top!

JOHN: We used to wear our hair whatever way our arses wanted to, but bah…

GEORGE: But it's fun to shake it!

Q: "_- What year is this?"_

JOHN: How disoriented one can be? Are you drunk?

PAUL: Today's date is on the newspaper.

RINGO: Don't be mean!

JOHN: You and your nose can shut up.

Q: "_-Spoons, forks, chopsticks?"__  
_

GEORGE: That depends. If it's soup, spoon. If it's waffles, forks.

RINGO: And rice? Do you eat rice with a spoon or with a fork?

PAUL: The polite thing to do is to eat it with fork? What kind of person older than 10 eats rice with a spoon?

JOHN: Me, to piss off Mimi!

Q: "_I'm done now. I still love you and my future children will grow up singing your songs (why did I put that there?) I don't know spanish but I can speak welsh so__  
__Wrindaguradi (i said I could speak it not spell it)__  
__Meg"_

PAUL: I hope we're still alive and making music together by the time you have children!

JOHN: Wrindai-whut?

Q: Wrindaguradi! Now guess what?

GEORGE: Another letter?

Q: Well, there is a bunch on-hold, but today's one is over!

PAUL: Now my three best mates can find me a bottle of shampoo!

GEORGE: All right… Bye, people! And please, _please, _for our ―or at least mine― own sake, can you _not _take these too serious?

JOHN: Bah. You tell someone to _not _do something and they end up doing it.

GEORGE: That's it; I'm screwed.

* * *

_**AN/ About the letter where Bianca says that his relationship with food is a better love story than Titanic, I just wanted to let you know that they didn't know about Titanic's love story because by that time the movie wasn't released yet!**_

_**Thanks again!**_


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